Treasuring And Pondering It All In My Heart

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.'
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying. 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, 'Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.'
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.  When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.  But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told."  Luke 2:8-20

I'm sitting in my living room this morning, enjoying the silence and peace and the lights of the Christmas tree, knowing that at any time now that silence will be broken and chaos will commense!  I love it all, the peace and quiet and the chaos of Christmas morning.  As I've had my quiet time this morning I read, meditated on and journaled these verses from Luke 2.  I think that it's my favorite part of the Christmas story.  I invision the terror and awe of the shepherds as they are visited by the angel, and then the joy as the angel's message penetrates their hearts and their heads.  They'd been waiting for the Messiah, along with every other Jewish man, woman, boy and girl.  And now they were being told that the time had come, by an angel followed by a host of angels singing and praising God.  Unbelievable, my mind can't even comprehend what it would have been like to witness such an event.

Then these humble shepherds didn't waste one minute, they immediately headed to Bethlehem to meet this  baby that the angels told them about; this baby whose birth would change the scope of history.  All that the angel had told them was true; again they wasted no time but set out at once to spread the good news, telling everyone that they met what had occurred that wondrous night.  As they shared with Mary and Joseph about their visit from the angels, and then as she watched these men leave to become what would be the world's first evangelists, she pondered all of it and treasured it in her heart.

These past few weeks I have heard a lot of people share what this holidy season means to them: "Happy holidays, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanakuh, Merry Christmas.  Whatever the season means to you may it be filled with joy and peace and happiness."  "Christmas is about family and traditions and getting together with friends.  It's about showing kindness and compassion and generosity in a world that concerns itself with these things less and less.  It's about looking outside of yourself and helping those who are less fortunate."  All good things, all things that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

And then there's the frenzy that this time of year brings, the chaos and stress that it produces for so many people.  The depression, anxiety and fatigue that it means for some.  We try and do too much, there's never enough time, we panic about whether or not we got the right gifts for everyone, or if we've forgotten someone.  We shop and bake and decorate and socialize.  And at some point we've lost the sense of awe and wonder that the shepherds experienced.  Somewhere amidst the wrapping paper and bows and baked goods we've lost Jesus.  Somewhere under the tree among all of the gifts  we've forgotten the ultimate I know that there have been times during this busy season that I've lost Him.

I want to be more like the Shepherds, more like Mary.  I want to discover the baby Jesus and know the awe and wonder of who He is, why He came, what He's done for me.  And then I want to go out and spread the good news to everyone that I meet, that "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"; I want to share this message with the excitement and joy of the shepherds.  And then I want to be like Mary and continually ponder in my heart all Jesus' birth means to me and hold it like a treasure, greater than any gift ever given.

May the magic of Christmas be real to all of you, may you realize the gift that God gave to all the world when He sent His Son to earth in the form of a human baby, knowing full well the sacrifice that was needed in order for us to spend eternity with Him.  This gift has no price tag and didn't come wrapped up in fancy paper, but was instead wrapped up in simple swadling cloths laying in a rough manger in a stable.  My prayer is that it thrills your heart the way it has mine this morning!

Turning 40

Celebrating 40 years of life today!! I am blessed: I have the amazing love of a good man who makes me feel cherished; two beautiful, healthy & happy children who fill my life w/ joy; parents who loved, adored & spanked me; brothers who are counted as two of my best friends; sister-in-laws who are more like sisters; friends that make me feel treasured; a body that is blessed with health most of the time and when it's not healthy my body teaches me humility. 40 is going to be amazing!!  


40!!  It's unbelievable to me because I so vividly remember those other milestone birthdays, 16, 20, 30.  It just doesn't seem possible that time is flying by as fast as it is.  On one hand it could depress me, but on the other hand I look at all that God has blessed me with in my 40 years of life and I realize what a gift it is!  I definitely feel wiser the older I get, although I have so much more to learn.  That's what's so exciting about growing older, God's never finished with us; He continues to teach, guide, shape and change me into the person He wants me to be, more like His Son!  It would be depressing if I felt like this was the end of the road, but I know that God has so much more planned for my life.


What do I plan on doing today to celebrate my birthday??  While Mike is at work and Hannah is at school, I think that Kade and I will take a drive and visit some special older ladies in my life, let them know how much I love and appreciate them.  Sara, who is grieving from the sudden loss of her 57-year-old daughter; Aunt Doris who was recently moved into an assisted living facility after a bad fall, Della who is grieving the loss of her oldest friend - her sister; and Vieva, who just turned 100 this week.  These women are precious to me, and I hope that in the next 30-60 years (if I'm anything like Vieva!) that I can leave a legacy of grit, strength, love and faith that these ladies have shown me.


Again, I am just reveling in the blessings that God have covered me with.  My family, friends, Church home, job, life,  even the trials that I have faced over the last 40-years; I wouldn't trade any of it to be 20 again - I've gained too much!

Never Forget.

It was such a  beautiful day, clear blue sky and sunshine, a gentle breeze.  I headed over to my mother-in-laws to help her get ready for our monthly Christian Women's Club Prayer Coffee at my friend Lee Ann's house.  I remember thinking, "God, thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me."  Barb and I were just getting ready to sit down for breakfast when Mike called.  "Turn the T.V. on Jana, we've been atttacked."  I remember thinking that surely he had to be mistaken, we've been attacked? By who?  How?  We're the United States of America for crying out loud.  Those were not words that I'd heard in my entire life, and something that I hope to never hear again - that we've been attacked.  I didn't believe it.  Then I turned on the television, and there it was, right in front of my eyes as plain as it could be, telling the story as it happened.

Barb and I watched in horror; one tower had already been hit and then another low flying plane suddenly hit the second building.  We were speechless, tears rolling down both our faces, riveted to the T.V., fear constricting my heart.  It was incomprehensible to me, I couldn't process what I was seeing.  I felt numb as I watched things falling out of the top of the World Trade Center towers and then realized that those "things" were people jumping out of the building.  I couldn't understand why they would do that; there were firemen and policemen on their way up to rescue them, why didn't they just wait for help?  But the horrors kept piling on top of eachother as we watched first one building buckle and then collapse followed by the second one.

Then the reports of a third plane flying into the Pentagon and a fourth plane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania.  My mind was whirling, where was it going to end?  Were there planes throughout the country full of suicide bombers ready to kill and destroy more lives?  Was the end of the world finally here?

I looked at my precious mother-in-law and saw terror and confusion mirrored in her eyes.  We couldn't just sit there, we needed to get out of the house.  I began to make phone calls to the other ladies in our prayer group.  We still needed to meet.  I remember the phone call to Lee Ann, she was inconsolable, wondering if we shouldn't just forget about our prayer coffee.  I told her "Lee Ann, there's nothing better or more effective that we can do right now than get together and lift up this nation to God.  We need one another and we need to take this to Him!"

We spent the morning in prayer, and then again that evening we went to a prayer gathering that one of the other local churches called.  We were all exhausted with the sensless tragedy of the entire day, the thousands of lives that had been taken, the thousands more that would never be the same.  If we here in Wyoming were feeling the immensity of this day, what were those in New York and Washington D.C. feeling?  How were they coping with the unbelievable events?

There was beauty amidst the ashes, though.  I watched in amazement as our country pulled together, truly pulled together.  For the first time that I could really remember there were no political lines, no Rebuplican or Democrat, no Left or Right.  We were just Americans, grieving together, dealing with fear and apprehension together.  Patriotism ran strong, differing politics just didn't seem to matter at the time.  I was brought to tears as our Congress sang "God Bless America" together.  God was bringing a country that was full of division and strife together.  God was doing that.  And people were turning to God, because after something like this, where else in the world are you going to turn?  Churches were filled, people were able to witness and testify to the power and strength of God more than ever because people were yearning for answers.  We were a country that felt like a family.

But I think we've forgotten.  Sure, we'll remember today, as we've been remembering all week.  There will be memorials and documentaries and our memories will come alive with the images that we witnessed 10 years ago.  But we've gone back to our secure, comfortable and easy lives and we've forgotten that it can all be taken away in an instant.  I know that I have, and I'm ashamed.  Because  despite the devastation and the destruction and the change in the New York City skyline and the families that have forever been changed and the change that has occurred in our country in terms of how we travel and how we deal with terror, God is still the same.  He never changes.  He is still in control.  "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3.  "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy31:6.

Over the past several days we've asked one another: Do you remember?  Where were you when you heard that we were being attacked?  What were you doing & how did you process what was happening in front of your eyes? Where did you turn with your grief, fear and horror that was the result of 9/11.  Share, share your thoughts, your memories, your feelings, your fears.  Because it's in the sharing and the remembering that we keep in mind the sacrifices of  those who died that day.  Some made that sacrifice unwillingly, but others made it willingly.  We need to remember, because we still need to be committed to praying for our country and our people, as much now as ever.  Let's never forget what happened on that Tuesday morning 10 years, not to rehash the pain and terror that we felt, but to learn from how we pulled together as a nation, how we loved one another and felt eachother's pain and loss and how we turned to the God of this country and put our trust and our faith in Him.  I could say that morning, and I can still say today "God thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me." but I also want to add, "Please protect our country, Lord.  Make us a little more aware of what is important and a lot less concerned with what isn't.  Help us to love one another.  Bring us to a place where You are Lord, Master and King of America.  Be with those men and women who are still fighting this war with a people that hate us.  Remind us that You are in control.  Amen"

Mother's Day Tribute

What a great Mother's Day I've had!  My family has made me feel like a queen, and I've loved every minute of it!  I truly feel like the Proverbs 31 Woman whose children arise and bless her and whose husband praises her.  Thanks guys for making my job as a mom & wife so incredible, I can't imagine anything else being more important!

 One of the reasons that I feel like I can work towards being a Proverbs 31 Woman is because I was raised by one!  My mom, Jody White, is as close to fitting the description of this woman of virtuous character as I will ever find.  My mother is a loving, hard-working ranch wife, mother & grandmother who has taught me so many valuable things, the most important of which is how to prioritize my life: the Lord first and foremost, my husband second, children third & everyone else after that.  She's taught me how to enjoy the simple things in life & how to appreciate and learn from the really difficult things.  She's a living example of love in action, loving her husband, children, grandchildren and friends fiercely & tenderly at the same time.  She always puts our needs above her own, showing Jesus' love to us each time that she chooses love & humility over her own rights.

I owe who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, friend and woman to the almost 40 years of life lessons that my mother has taken the time to teach me:

Make the choice to respond to those who do & say mean things to you by "killing them with kindness".

Honey will always get you further than vinegar!

Fresh air and sunshine is the cure-all for everything from tummy aches & headaches to heartaches.

Life may not be fair, but it'll all come out in the wash!

Always remember that it is more valuable to be beautiful on the inside than on the outside.

Your talents are God's gift to you, what you do with those talents is your gift to God!

Attitude may not change difficult situations, but it sure can make them easier to handle!

  I can remember that awkward time of my life when I felt ugly, unloved & unimportant.  I felt that way for a very short period because my mom had the gift of turning it around & making me feel loved, beautiful, and accepted.  She has always been my biggest cheerleader and encourager when it came to working towards my dreams and goals.  We both share a love for writing and I know that she will never allow me to let that dream lie dormant.  One of my favorite parts of going back home is spending time with my mom in the corral!  Doing chores, discussing life & dreams and getting dirty, I love it and so does she!  My mom is also my "Titus Woman" as she is the driving force in my decision to give my life to Jesus.  Her love and desire to serve Him was a beautiful thing that I desired for myself.  Our relationship with the Lord is one of the greatest gifts that we share. 

I owe so much of who I am and what I have been able to accomplish, as well as the dangers I was able to avoid, to the prayers of my mother.  She is committed to praying for her husband, her children, grandchildren, & friends.  I know that someday when I am in heaven, God will have a storeroom full of all of my mothers prayers and I will be amazed.  The Proverbs 31 Woman describes my mother far better than I can.  This is from The Message.  I love the wording of it :

 A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderful moms out there; whether you be stay-at-home moms, working moms, mothers of young children, teenagers, or adult children.  To you grandmothers who have such a role in the lives of our kids, and for those mothers who may have never had a child in your womb but are a blessing to countless children of your heart.  God loves you all!!!

Good Friday Reflections Continued.....

We just returned from the Good Friday Services at our Church and I just had to share a poem written by one of my favorite people.  Max Jennings often shares the poems that he writes with our Church family, and I've been blessed by so many of them.  It goes along so perfectly with what I posted earlier today that I just had to ask him if I could add it to my own thoughts.  Tonight was especially moving because of the fact that Max became pretty choked up as he recited this one.  I love the fact that Max so obviously feels what it would have been like to be at the cross.

Before The Cross

I imagine myself before the cross

With my Jesus hanging there,

With Roman soldiers all around 

And mockers everywhere.

Even travelers are mocking Him

A spear print in His side,

With Pharisees and Sadducees

Acting dignified.

And as I look up to my Lord

I think of all He's done,

And all the glories of Heaven He left

That my sould be won.

He suffered much at the hands of men

Deserted by His very own,

He suffered pain and anguish.  

Their sins to atone.

He lived here in a world of sin

With evil of every kind,

He was atttacked for His words 

By those who were so blind...

And yet He died for them 

As much for you and me,

They did not know who Jesus was

They were blind and could not see.

And still the people of this earth 

Are blind and refuse to see,

That Christ has given himself to be

A ransom for you and me.

Max A. Jennings

February 2003  

Good Friday Reflections

"It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining.  And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, 'Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.' When he said this, he breathed his last."
Luke 23:44-46


I was asked to help with the Good Friday Services at our Church this week and was blessed because it caused me to stop in the middle of my busy and chaotic life and really reflect on the events that happened on that horrible, beautiful day over 2,000 years ago.  I wrote a dialogue that Hannah will read tonight; the dialogue is written from the perspective of a 13-year-old girl who witnesses the crucifixion of Jesus.  In order to write it I had to put myself there, imagining what it would have been like to have actually seen the events with my own eyes.  I wanted to share with you what I feel that perspective would have been like.

            I was standing there, trying to fight against the press of the mob, just a young girl trying to see what had everyone in such an uproar. There was angry shouting and such a huge commotion I had to find out what was happening. It was hard for me to see what was going on so I pushed my way through the throng of people, and finally found myself at the front of the crowd. Immediately I regretted the curiosity that brought me face to face with the horrific sight of three men hanging from three crosses. I had never witnessed a crucifixion in the 13 years of my life & I prayed that I’d never ever witness one again. It was a horrible sight to behold; but there was something about the three men hanging there that had me riveted to my spot, unable to move regardless of how much I really wanted to turn and run from the sight.

           The shouting was coming from the criminal on the far right; he was yelling & hurling insults at the man who hung in the middle. “Aren’t you supposed to be the Christ?” He yelled, “Well then save yourself! Save us if you are able!” Then the criminal on the far left cried out “Don’t you fear God?  You and I are here because we committed the crimes that we’ve been accused of. We are justly punished, for we are getting what our sins deserve. But this man?  He’s done nothing wrong!” Then this criminal looked at the man hanging in the middle and said “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 

           I gasped. This was Him, the One that everyone had been speaking of. The One who traveled over the countryside, preaching and teaching about the Kingdom of God. The man who was rumored to perform miracles and have a following of disciples that made the Roman government nervous. It didn’t appear that he had any followers today. He seemed to be alone.  I looked up into the pain filled yet gentle eyes as he answered the criminal on his right. “I answer you truthfully, today you will be with me in paradise.” 

           Close to the cross where this man Jesus hung stood three women and one man. It looked as if these were the only ones who remained of his faithful followers. I heard the whisperings around me revealing that the three women were his mother, Mary, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. They were on their knees before Him, crying in anguish at the pain and torture their Lord was suffering.  The pain and despair that they were facing was so tangible that I felt it in my own soul. Jesus looked down with  soft gentle eyes at these four people whom He obviously loved. He said to Mary, His mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” He then looked at the disciple with the affection of a brother and told him “Here is your mother.”  He spoke it so quietly that if I hadn’t been right there at the front of the crowd I would have missed His words. The man bent over and helped Mary to her feet, wrapping his arms around her lovingly. I could tell from that moment that this disciple would take Mary into his home and care for her as his own mother.

            My eyes turned from this heart-breaking scene back to the eyes of this poor, wretched man who had been battered and bruised beyond recognition. Suddenly the sky went completely dark, even though it was the middle of the day.  I could hear terror and confusion in the voices of those around me. From somewhere far behind me I heard someone yell something about the curtain in the temple being torn in two. And then I heard Jesus call out with a loud and clear voice, “Father, into your hand I commit my spirit.” And then he breathed his last breath and was gone. 

On this Good Friday, think about what it would have been like for Jesus' followers who watched as their leader, teacher and friend was hanging and dying on that cross.  For them all  that they had hoped for and believed to be true would soon be buried in a tomb.  They didn't understand that the sun disappeared and everything turned dark because for three hours all of creation seemed to be mourning the tragedy of the death of Jesus.  They couldn't comprehend that the temple curtain tearing in two meant that there was no longer any seperation between them and God, nothing to keep them from approaching the Most Holy One.  The only thing they knew up to this point was the cross, they had no knowledge that in two days there would be a resurrection.  And what about us?  Do we truly see past Good Friday to Easter Sunday?  Do we realize that Jesus hung on that cross, not because of any sin He had committed, but because of every sin that every human being has ever or ever will commit?  Jesus paid it all for you and for me in order that we could experience life in it's fullness, life everlasting.  Today we feel the burden of the cross, but soon we will be able to sing the Hallelujah of Sunday.