The Courageous Mommy

Treasuring And Pondering It All In My Heart

2011-12-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.'
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying. 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, 'Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.'
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told." Luke 2:8-20

I'm sitting in my living room this morning, enjoying the silence and peace and the lights of the Christmas tree, knowing that at any time now that silence will be broken and chaos will commense! I love it all, the peace and quiet and the chaos of Christmas morning. As I've had my quiet time this morning I read, meditated on and journaled these verses from Luke 2. I think that it's my favorite part of the Christmas story. I invision the terror and awe of the shepherds as they are visited by the angel, and then the joy as the angel's message penetrates their hearts and their heads. They'd been waiting for the Messiah, along with every other Jewish man, woman, boy and girl. And now they were being told that the time had come, by an angel followed by a host of angels singing and praising God. Unbelievable, my mind can't even comprehend what it would have been like to witness such an event.

Then these humble shepherds didn't waste one minute, they immediately headed to Bethlehem to meet this baby that the angels told them about; this baby whose birth would change the scope of history. All that the angel had told them was true; again they wasted no time but set out at once to spread the good news, telling everyone that they met what had occurred that wondrous night. As they shared with Mary and Joseph about their visit from the angels, and then as she watched these men leave to become what would be the world's first evangelists, she pondered all of it and treasured it in her heart.

These past few weeks I have heard a lot of people share what this holidy season means to them: "Happy holidays, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanakuh, Merry Christmas. Whatever the season means to you may it be filled with joy and peace and happiness." "Christmas is about family and traditions and getting together with friends. It's about showing kindness and compassion and generosity in a world that concerns itself with these things less and less. It's about looking outside of yourself and helping those who are less fortunate." All good things, all things that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

And then there's the frenzy that this time of year brings, the chaos and stress that it produces for so many people. The depression, anxiety and fatigue that it means for some. We try and do too much, there's never enough time, we panic about whether or not we got the right gifts for everyone, or if we've forgotten someone. We shop and bake and decorate and socialize. And at some point we've lost the sense of awe and wonder that the shepherds experienced. Somewhere amidst the wrapping paper and bows and baked goods we've lost Jesus. Somewhere under the tree among all of the gifts we've forgotten the ultimate I know that there have been times during this busy season that I've lost Him.

I want to be more like the Shepherds, more like Mary. I want to discover the baby Jesus and know the awe and wonder of who He is, why He came, what He's done for me. And then I want to go out and spread the good news to everyone that I meet, that "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"; I want to share this message with the excitement and joy of the shepherds. And then I want to be like Mary and continually ponder in my heart all Jesus' birth means to me and hold it like a treasure, greater than any gift ever given.

May the magic of Christmas be real to all of you, may you realize the gift that God gave to all the world when He sent His Son to earth in the form of a human baby, knowing full well the sacrifice that was needed in order for us to spend eternity with Him. This gift has no price tag and didn't come wrapped up in fancy paper, but was instead wrapped up in simple swadling cloths laying in a rough manger in a stable. My prayer is that it thrills your heart the way it has mine this morning!

Turning 40

2011-10-06T07:07:00.000-06:00

Celebrating 40 years of life today!! I am blessed: I have the amazing love of a good man who makes me feel cherished; two beautiful, healthy & happy children who fill my life w/ joy; parents who loved, adored & spanked me; brothers who are counted as two of my best friends; sister-in-laws who are more like sisters; friends that make me feel treasured; a body that is blessed with health most of the time and when it's not healthy my body teaches me humility. 40 is going to be amazing!!

40!! It's unbelievable to me because I so vividly remember those other milestone birthdays, 16, 20, 30. It just doesn't seem possible that time is flying by as fast as it is. On one hand it could depress me, but on the other hand I look at all that God has blessed me with in my 40 years of life and I realize what a gift it is! I definitely feel wiser the older I get, although I have so much more to learn. That's what's so exciting about growing older, God's never finished with us; He continues to teach, guide, shape and change me into the person He wants me to be, more like His Son! It would be depressing if I felt like this was the end of the road, but I know that God has so much more planned for my life.

What do I plan on doing today to celebrate my birthday?? While Mike is at work and Hannah is at school, I think that Kade and I will take a drive and visit some special older ladies in my life, let them know how much I love and appreciate them. Sara, who is grieving from the sudden loss of her 57-year-old daughter; Aunt Doris who was recently moved into an assisted living facility after a bad fall, Della who is grieving the loss of her oldest friend - her sister; and Vieva, who just turned 100 this week. These women are precious to me, and I hope that in the next 30-60 years (if I'm anything like Vieva!) that I can leave a legacy of grit, strength, love and faith that these ladies have shown me.

Again, I am just reveling in the blessings that God have covered me with. My family, friends, Church home, job, life, even the trials that I have faced over the last 40-years; I wouldn't trade any of it to be 20 again - I've gained too much!

Never Forget.

2011-09-11T06:59:00.000-06:00

It was such a beautiful day, clear blue sky and sunshine, a gentle breeze. I headed over to my mother-in-laws to help her get ready for our monthly Christian Women's Club Prayer Coffee at my friend Lee Ann's house. I remember thinking, "God, thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me." Barb and I were just getting ready to sit down for breakfast when Mike called. "Turn the T.V. on Jana, we've been atttacked." I remember thinking that surely he had to be mistaken, we've been attacked? By who? How? We're the United States of America for crying out loud. Those were not words that I'd heard in my entire life, and something that I hope to never hear again - that we've been attacked. I didn't believe it. Then I turned on the television, and there it was, right in front of my eyes as plain as it could be, telling the story as it happened.

Barb and I watched in horror; one tower had already been hit and then another low flying plane suddenly hit the second building. We were speechless, tears rolling down both our faces, riveted to the T.V., fear constricting my heart. It was incomprehensible to me, I couldn't process what I was seeing. I felt numb as I watched things falling out of the top of the World Trade Center towers and then realized that those "things" were people jumping out of the building. I couldn't understand why they would do that; there were firemen and policemen on their way up to rescue them, why didn't they just wait for help? But the horrors kept piling on top of eachother as we watched first one building buckle and then collapse followed by the second one.

Then the reports of a third plane flying into the Pentagon and a fourth plane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania. My mind was whirling, where was it going to end? Were there planes throughout the country full of suicide bombers ready to kill and destroy more lives? Was the end of the world finally here?

I looked at my precious mother-in-law and saw terror and confusion mirrored in her eyes. We couldn't just sit there, we needed to get out of the house. I began to make phone calls to the other ladies in our prayer group. We still needed to meet. I remember the phone call to Lee Ann, she was inconsolable, wondering if we shouldn't just forget about our prayer coffee. I told her "Lee Ann, there's nothing better or more effective that we can do right now than get together and lift up this nation to God. We need one another and we need to take this to Him!"

We spent the morning in prayer, and then again that evening we went to a prayer gathering that one of the other local churches called. We were all exhausted with the sensless tragedy of the entire day, the thousands of lives that had been taken, the thousands more that would never be the same. If we here in Wyoming were feeling the immensity of this day, what were those in New York and Washington D.C. feeling? How were they coping with the unbelievable events?

There was beauty amidst the ashes, though. I watched in amazement as our country pulled together, truly pulled together. For the first time that I could really remember there were no political lines, no Rebuplican or Democrat, no Left or Right. We were just Americans, grieving together, dealing with fear and apprehension together. Patriotism ran strong, differing politics just didn't seem to matter at the time. I was brought to tears as our Congress sang "God Bless America" together. God was bringing a country that was full of division and strife together. God was doing that. And people were turning to God, because after something like this, where else in the world are you going to turn? Churches were filled, people were able to witness and testify to the power and strength of God more than ever because people were yearning for answers. We were a country that felt like a family.

But I think we've forgotten. Sure, we'll remember today, as we've been remembering all week. There will be memorials and documentaries and our memories will come alive with the images that we witnessed 10 years ago. But we've gone back to our secure, comfortable and easy lives and we've forgotten that it can all be taken away in an instant. I know that I have, and I'm ashamed. Because despite the devastation and the destruction and the change in the New York City skyline and the families that have forever been changed and the change that has occurred in our country in terms of how we travel and how we deal with terror, God is still the same. He never changes. He is still in control. "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy31:6.

Over the past several days we've asked one another: Do you remember? Where were you when you heard that we were being attacked? What were you doing & how did you process what was happening in front of your eyes? Where did you turn with your grief, fear and horror that was the result of 9/11. Share, share your thoughts, your memories, your feelings, your fears. Because it's in the sharing and the remembering that we keep in mind the sacrifices of those who died that day. Some made that sacrifice unwillingly, but others made it willingly. We need to remember, because we still need to be committed to praying for our country and our people, as much now as ever. Let's never forget what happened on that Tuesday morning 10 years, not to rehash the pain and terror that we felt, but to learn from how we pulled together as a nation, how we loved one another and felt eachother's pain and loss and how we turned to the God of this country and put our trust and our faith in Him. I could say that morning, and I can still say today "God thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me." but I also want to add, "Please protect our country, Lord. Make us a little more aware of what is important and a lot less concerned with what isn't. Help us to love one another. Bring us to a place where You are Lord, Master and King of America. Be with those men and women who are still fighting this war with a people that hate us. Remind us that You are in control. Amen"

Mother's Day Tribute

2011-05-08T18:16:00.000-06:00

What a great Mother's Day I've had! My family has made me feel like a queen, and I've loved every minute of it! I truly feel like the Proverbs 31 Woman whose children arise and bless her and whose husband praises her. Thanks guys for making my job as a mom & wife so incredible, I can't imagine anything else being more important!

One of the reasons that I feel like I can work towards being a Proverbs 31 Woman is because I was raised by one! My mom, Jody White, is as close to fitting the description of this woman of virtuous character as I will ever find. My mother is a loving, hard-working ranch wife, mother & grandmother who has taught me so many valuable things, the most important of which is how to prioritize my life: the Lord first and foremost, my husband second, children third & everyone else after that. She's taught me how to enjoy the simple things in life & how to appreciate and learn from the really difficult things. She's a living example of love in action, loving her husband, children, grandchildren and friends fiercely & tenderly at the same time. She always puts our needs above her own, showing Jesus' love to us each time that she chooses love & humility over her own rights.

I owe who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, friend and woman to the almost 40 years of life lessons that my mother has taken the time to teach me:

Make the choice to respond to those who do & say mean things to you by "killing them with kindness".

Honey will always get you further than vinegar!

Fresh air and sunshine is the cure-all for everything from tummy aches & headaches to heartaches.

Life may not be fair, but it'll all come out in the wash!

Always remember that it is more valuable to be beautiful on the inside than on the outside.

Your talents are God's gift to you, what you do with those talents is your gift to God!

Attitude may not change difficult situations, but it sure can make them easier to handle!

I can remember that awkward time of my life when I felt ugly, unloved & unimportant. I felt that way for a very short period because my mom had the gift of turning it around & making me feel loved, beautiful, and accepted. She has always been my biggest cheerleader and encourager when it came to working towards my dreams and goals. We both share a love for writing and I know that she will never allow me to let that dream lie dormant. One of my favorite parts of going back home is spending time with my mom in the corral! Doing chores, discussing life & dreams and getting dirty, I love it and so does she! My mom is also my "Titus Woman" as she is the driving force in my decision to give my life to Jesus. Her love and desire to serve Him was a beautiful thing that I desired for myself. Our relationship with the Lord is one of the greatest gifts that we share.

I owe so much of who I am and what I have been able to accomplish, as well as the dangers I was able to avoid, to the prayers of my mother. She is committed to praying for her husband, her children, grandchildren, & friends. I know that someday when I am in heaven, God will have a storeroom full of all of my mothers prayers and I will be amazed. The Proverbs 31 Woman describes my mother far better than I can. This is from The Message. I love the wording of it :

A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderful moms out there; whether you be stay-at-home moms, working moms, mothers of young children, teenagers, or adult children. To you grandmothers who have such a role in the lives of our kids, and for those mothers who may have never had a child in your womb but are a blessing to countless children of your heart. God loves you all!!!

Good Friday Reflections Continued.....

2011-04-22T20:20:00.031-06:00

We just returned from the Good Friday Services at our Church and I just had to share a poem written by one of my favorite people. Max Jennings often shares the poems that he writes with our Church family, and I've been blessed by so many of them. It goes along so perfectly with what I posted earlier today that I just had to ask him if I could add it to my own thoughts. Tonight was especially moving because of the fact that Max became pretty choked up as he recited this one. I love the fact that Max so obviously feels what it would have been like to be at the cross.

Before The Cross

I imagine myself before the cross

With my Jesus hanging there,

With Roman soldiers all around

And mockers everywhere.

Even travelers are mocking Him

A spear print in His side,

With Pharisees and Sadducees

Acting dignified.

And as I look up to my Lord

I think of all He's done,

And all the glories of Heaven He left

That my sould be won.

He suffered much at the hands of men

Deserted by His very own,

He suffered pain and anguish.

Their sins to atone.

He lived here in a world of sin

With evil of every kind,

He was atttacked for His words

By those who were so blind...

And yet He died for them

As much for you and me,

They did not know who Jesus was

They were blind and could not see.

And still the people of this earth

Are blind and refuse to see,

That Christ has given himself to be

A ransom for you and me.

Max A. Jennings

February 2003

Good Friday Reflections

2011-04-22T12:55:00.004-06:00

"It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, 'Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.' When he said this, he breathed his last."
Luke 23:44-46

I was asked to help with the Good Friday Services at our Church this week and was blessed because it caused me to stop in the middle of my busy and chaotic life and really reflect on the events that happened on that horrible, beautiful day over 2,000 years ago. I wrote a dialogue that Hannah will read tonight; the dialogue is written from the perspective of a 13-year-old girl who witnesses the crucifixion of Jesus. In order to write it I had to put myself there, imagining what it would have been like to have actually seen the events with my own eyes. I wanted to share with you what I feel that perspective would have been like.

I was standing there, trying to fight against the press of the mob, just a young girl trying to see what had everyone in such an uproar. There was angry shouting and such a huge commotion I had to find out what was happening. It was hard for me to see what was going on so I pushed my way through the throng of people, and finally found myself at the front of the crowd. Immediately I regretted the curiosity that brought me face to face with the horrific sight of three men hanging from three crosses. I had never witnessed a crucifixion in the 13 years of my life & I prayed that I’d never ever witness one again. It was a horrible sight to behold; but there was something about the three men hanging there that had me riveted to my spot, unable to move regardless of how much I really wanted to turn and run from the sight.

The shouting was coming from the criminal on the far right; he was yelling & hurling insults at the man who hung in the middle. “Aren’t you supposed to be the Christ?” He yelled, “Well then save yourself! Save us if you are able!” Then the criminal on the far left cried out “Don’t you fear God? You and I are here because we committed the crimes that we’ve been accused of. We are justly punished, for we are getting what our sins deserve. But this man? He’s done nothing wrong!” Then this criminal looked at the man hanging in the middle and said “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

I gasped. This was Him, the One that everyone had been speaking of. The One who traveled over the countryside, preaching and teaching about the Kingdom of God. The man who was rumored to perform miracles and have a following of disciples that made the Roman government nervous. It didn’t appear that he had any followers today. He seemed to be alone. I looked up into the pain filled yet gentle eyes as he answered the criminal on his right. “I answer you truthfully, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Close to the cross where this man Jesus hung stood three women and one man. It looked as if these were the only ones who remained of his faithful followers. I heard the whisperings around me revealing that the three women were his mother, Mary, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. They were on their knees before Him, crying in anguish at the pain and torture their Lord was suffering. The pain and despair that they were facing was so tangible that I felt it in my own soul. Jesus looked down with soft gentle eyes at these four people whom He obviously loved. He said to Mary, His mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” He then looked at the disciple with the affection of a brother and told him “Here is your mother.” He spoke it so quietly that if I hadn’t been right there at the front of the crowd I would have missed His words. The man bent over and helped Mary to her feet, wrapping his arms around her lovingly. I could tell from that moment that this disciple would take Mary into his home and care for her as his own mother.

My eyes turned from this heart-breaking scene back to the eyes of this poor, wretched man who had been battered and bruised beyond recognition. Suddenly the sky went completely dark, even though it was the middle of the day. I could hear terror and confusion in the voices of those around me. From somewhere far behind me I heard someone yell something about the curtain in the temple being torn in two. And then I heard Jesus call out with a loud and clear voice, “Father, into your hand I commit my spirit.” And then he breathed his last breath and was gone.

On this Good Friday, think about what it would have been like for Jesus' followers who watched as their leader, teacher and friend was hanging and dying on that cross. For them all that they had hoped for and believed to be true would soon be buried in a tomb. They didn't understand that the sun disappeared and everything turned dark because for three hours all of creation seemed to be mourning the tragedy of the death of Jesus. They couldn't comprehend that the temple curtain tearing in two meant that there was no longer any seperation between them and God, nothing to keep them from approaching the Most Holy One. The only thing they knew up to this point was the cross, they had no knowledge that in two days there would be a resurrection. And what about us? Do we truly see past Good Friday to Easter Sunday? Do we realize that Jesus hung on that cross, not because of any sin He had committed, but because of every sin that every human being has ever or ever will commit? Jesus paid it all for you and for me in order that we could experience life in it's fullness, life everlasting. Today we feel the burden of the cross, but soon we will be able to sing the Hallelujah of Sunday.

A Life Well Lived

2010-12-21T20:31:00.009-07:00

Jessie Ada White March 16, 1925 to December 8, 2010

Two weeks ago my grandmother, Jessie White, passed away in Cody Wyoming. She was such a huge influence in my life because the boys and I were raised on the ranch with Grandpa Mort & Grandma Jessie living right next door. A lifetime of memories have overwhelmed me in the past few weeks. It’s such a strange feeling to know that she is gone; I am no longer able to call her up on the phone, catch her up on our life, ask her for one of her famous recipes, or how to get a particular stain out of a favorite outfit. The kids and I will no longer be making trips over the mountain to spend weekends with her, going through pictures, making scrapbooks, eating out at the Chinese Restaurant, and then going for Dairy Queen at 9:00 at night.

I was able to get to Cody & spend two days with her before she died and I'll always be grateful for the gift of her face lighting up when she saw me, and the way that she called me “Honey”. I loved my Grandma & I knew without a doubt that she loved me as well. I was honored to share the eulogy at the funeral and to help in gathering pictures for the slide show presentation that my niece put together. What a hard and wonderful thing it was doing both of these things! At the funeral my dad’s cousin, Steven Draper, did the dedication at the graveside, and what sticks out the most is when he said that Grandma was blessed with a life well lived. I love that, and it’s so true, she really did have a life well lived! Five children, fourteen grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and four great-great grandchildren, all of whom she adored! She was married to my Granddad Mort for 44 years and loved being a ranch-wife/mom/Grandma.

I’m hoping to get the power point presentation on a disc from Lauren so that I can share that, but wanted to share the eulogy that I wrote to honor Grandma.

I have had a flood of memories come back to me this week as I’ve said goodbye to Grandma Jessie. As I’ve worked on preparing this eulogy & as I’ve looked through boxes of pictures, the memories that I have of Grandma have overwhelmed me. The hardest thing has been in choosing what I’d like to tell you about my Grandmother because there are so many stories I want to share with you!

Jessie White has been one of the biggest influences in my life. Memories of my childhood when the boys & I were growing up with her and Granddad Mort on the ranch in Robertson are some of my favorite. Grandma took every opportunity to spoil Joel, Coby & I. We knew that there would always be a stash of cookies, candy, gum, ice cream, and pop for us at Grandma’s house. She & Joel had their own system worked out where he would ride his pony right up her front steps, knock on the door & she would hand him a sack full of goodies, close the door & then Joel would jump his pony off and be on his way.

As we all know, Grandma was an incredible cook & she loved nothing more than to cook & bake for her friends and family. Jessie White’s pies were legendary & the annual Bull Sale was her time to shine. There was an ongoing debate regarding whether people came for the good bulls or the good food. I think it was a little of both!

Once Grandma knew what your favorite pie or meal was it was a pretty fair bet that the next time she saw you she would have it ready to serve or send home with you. Grandma not only cooked the things that she knew that you loved, but she also made it her personal mission to come up with new ways of cooking what you didn’t like in order to change your mind! Because of Grandma Jessie’s efforts, I no longer hate meatloaf! Cooking for others was how she showed her love. Looking back I also remember the time & care that she would take with us in her kitchen teaching us how to cook & bake. I’m still trying to live up to her standard of pie baking. Memories of baking cookies and candy with Grandma are vivid to me especially this time of year. She was incredibly patient with me, even when we had to quadruple a batch of chocolate chip cookies because I misunderstood how much butter to add! I never felt like I was an inconvenience or that she didn’t have the time for me.

Grandma was also a fixer of all things broken or cut. Toys, clothing, or kids, she could mend or fix just about anything. I can’t tell you the amount of times that the boys and I went to her with cuts, scrapes, bumps and bruises, three kids on a ranch required lots of band aides and hugs. Grandma Jessie’s cure-all was aloe vera for burns & Campho Phenique for everything else, she put it on everything & there was a time that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get rid of that smell because she was using it so often!

The time that probably sticks out the most when Grandma was there for one of us when we were hurt was when Coby had his accident. She was the one who found him stuck in the bailer, after running across the hayfield on old & aching knees, and she was the one who climbed up into the tractor to shut it & the bailer off. She never left Coby’s side as they waited for help, but stayed with him & together they hollered for help until Joel came. Afterwards, when we realized how serious the injuries to Coby’s hand was, I know that she would have given her hand to him if she could. After that she would forever be seen as Coby’s hero and guardian angel.

When we moved to the ranch in Banner Grandma & I were roommates for a while after Grandpa died. I remember late night snacking while watching old movies, looking through recipe books & cooking together. We may have seemed like an odd couple, a college aged girl and a widowed elderly woman, but we were there for one another during a very lonely time for the both of us. One of the funniest memories that I have of that time is when there was a supposed escaped convict hiding in Story, Grandma and I had ourselves so worked up about the possibility of this man finding his way to the ranch that we were nervous wrecks when suddenly there was a knock on the door & both of us screamed at the top of our lungs. One of the boys walked in the house and wondered what in the world had us two girls in such a fright!

The boys & I have so many memories to draw from because of the fact that we grew up with our Grandparents right next door. But the love that Grandma had for each and every one of her children, sons & daughters-in-laws, grandchildren & their spouses great-grandchildren & even great-great-grandchildren was tangible & she never tired of talking about each one of us. She had so much pride for all of our accomplishments, whether it be on the basketball courts, the track field, football field, show ring, classroom, or home, you could see the love and joy her family brought her in her eyes.

Grandma Jessie had such a servant’s heart and she served in so many wonderful ways. Whether it be through her cooking or sewing, or caring for family members, Grandma lived to serve. From taking care of us grandkids whenever needed to caring for Granddad in the last years of his life, to helping with her great-grandson, Tanner, when she was in her 80’s; Grandma loved to give of herself. My prayer is that this is something that I will have received as a heritage from my grandmother, her gifts of love and service.

There will be a huge gap in our lives with the passing of Grandma, she was such a blessing to each and every one of us. We will miss her more than words can say, but I have gained so much comfort in this past week in the realization that Grandma Jessie has left such an amazing heritage in her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren & great-great-grandchildren. She was such a gift to each of us, and we in turn were a gift to her. That’s why I don’t mourn as one with no hope because I know that Jesus welcomed her home with arms wide open and said to her “Well done Thy good and faithful servant”.

I love you Grandma Jessie, and know that someday I'll be reunited with you in heaven. Until then I plan on experiencing "A Life Well Lived" just like you!

Autumn Rest

2010-09-25T06:05:00.015-06:00

I had to laugh as I read the invitation on my friend Sue Aughtmon's "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl" blog this morning. She was inviting any bloggers that want their blog to be added to her "League Of Tired Supergirls". This is how she phrased it: "There is one major requirement for getting your blog listed - you must be tired. All perky people who have clean houses and can function on 5 hours of sleep, while helping to improve literacy in our country and becoming fluent in Mandarin, need to find another link list to be on. But, if you love Jesus, need a truckload of grace, long for 9 hours of sleep each night and hanker after a cup or 12 of coffee or strong tea to get you going in the morning, this list is for you!" I said, "Sign me up Sue, 'cause I am one tired Mama!"

I love summer, but it sure does make me tired. In Wyoming we don't get much of a summer because stormy weather can last until June 1st and begin again on Labor Day; as a result we try to cram as much as we possibly can into a three month period. Every weekend had something packed into it whether we were at home or out of town. No wonder I am so tired by the time Fall hits.

There is something restful about Autumn to me; I think that its the combination of cooler weather, lighter schedules, and the fact that God is preparing the land for a time of rest. I've been watching all summer as our neighbors have been working all hours of the day and night to harvest their hay and now their field corn, and I've been enjoying the "veggies of labor" out of the gardens of friends and patients from the PT clinic (no garden of our own yet, but I have great plans!). Nature has been hard at work producing and blooming and bursting forth with life during the Spring and Summer months, and now it's preparing for a rest. More than anything right now, that's what I desire, a rest.

A couple of Sundays ago Pastor Bob gave a great sermon about rest. He shared with us how we strive for so many different things, material possessions, success, significance, pleasure and redemption, and all of this striving has us worn to a frazzle, longing for rest. His sermon has had me thinking all week because I am weary and I am burdened; and I am left to ask myself, what am I striving for that has me so tired and lacking peace?

Is it "stuff"? It sure could be, it seems like I stress over financial problems mainly because it means that I'm unable to get more "stuff". And yet keeping up with all of the "stuff" that we already have is part of what wears me out! Pastor Bob made a very good point that our stuff in and of itself is not bad, its just a matter of whether we have our possessions or if our possessions have us.

Could the thing that's wearing me out be the fact that I am striving for success and significance in this world? I don't think that I am because after all, I'm simply a mom and a part time Physical Therapy Aide, I'm not trying to climb any ladders of success in a high paying career. And yet don't I strive every day to please others, to seek their approval and acceptance, wearing myself out trying to be the perfect image of a wife and mother and yet falling painfully short. Because the more that I try and make things in my life look perfect to others, the more weary and burdened I feel and the more uptight and short tempered I am with those that I love the most. Who am I trying to impress anyway? God isn't impressed at all by the way that I wear myself out trying to do it all, or trying to be someone that I'm not. God has blessed us with different gifts and talents, and I think that it brings Him great joy when we find success in using those talents. There is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence in the job or career that He's placed us in, but is our pursuit of excellence and success wearing us out? And ultimately, shouldn't our significance not come from what our job title is or how big and well kept our house is, and instead come from who we are in Him?

Maybe what is causing me to be so exhausted is a pursuit of pleasure. This can be exhausting, because the pleasure that we pursue is so short lived! Buying that new outfit, or gossiping about that other mom, or watching that TV show that isn't exactly rated G or eating that entire big bag of M & M's can bring a momentary sense of pleasure, but it is so short lived and then replaced by guilt (along with a little extra weight around the middle!). That's the problem with pursuing pleasure, it doesn't last and before it completely fades away we are already seeking another source of it. No wonder it's so exhausting, it's a never ending cycle of pursuit because we are forever discontent. Seeking pleasure in the simple things of life, and allowing God to open our eyes to what true pleasure is, pleasure that lasts a lot longer than the time that it takes to wear an outfit one time or eat an entire bag of M & M's, this kind of pleasure brings peace and rest not exhaustion.

The last thing that is possibly causing me to be weary is the pursuit of redemption. When Pastor Bob mentioned this one I was confused; isn't redemption what we all need? Isn't this something that we should be pursuing in order to find peace from a life of sin? But then Pastor Bob made it more clear by sharing with us that we become weary from seeking redemption when we try and find it on our own, in our own strength, when we pursue redemption and think that we need to find it before we can approach God, this is when we become overwhelmed with the burden of weariness. Because finding redemption without God will never happen. Redemption is something that comes from God and God alone, not anything that we do for ourselves; it's the ultimate gift of grace - receiving something that we haven't done anything to deserve. Because of this I don't need to become overwhelmed or exhausted because it isn't up to me or within our my strength that I find redemption, I rely solely on God.

I love Matthew 11:28 because it speaks right to my weary heart: "Come to me, all you who are

weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I

am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light." To exchange the burdens that are weighing me down for his yoke that is easy

and light, this is what I yearn for, and a gentle and humble heart is what I want to be focused

on, not all of this struggling and striving!

I plan on welcoming Autumn by enjoying a cup of hot cider, baking something with pumpkin &

spice in it, bringing out my Fall decorations, taking a drive up on the mountain to take in the

changing colors and just enjoying the rest that God offers. That and getting ready for a bbq to

celebrate my little guy turning 2 - but I plan to be restful & full of peace while doing it and not

attempting to pull off the best 2-year-old birthday party in the history of birthday parties!

Happy Fall Y'all!

Springtime in Wyoming

2010-04-28T07:49:00.006-06:00

I went for a walk around our property early this morning. It was drizzly and overcast, and I had a hard time finding the motivation to get out of my nice warm bed and put on my jeans and walking shoes. If it weren't for having to take Hannah into town for track practise at 6:30 I don't think that I would have chosen fresh air and exercise over staying in bed. I'm so glad that I did though! It was beautiful; cool but not real cold, and the air was still for a change with none of the wild Wyoming wind that we are getting so tired of. Things are really starting to green up and show signs of new life. I started out my walk with my Ipod, but soon had to turn it off so that I could listen to the song of the Meadowlark (although I do have to say that Ian Tyson's "Big Horns" is the perfect thing to listen to as I walk the hills of Wyoming!)

I realize that I can't say that Springtime is my favorite time of year, because I say the same thing when the lazy warm days of Summer hit, and then again when the weather turns cool and crisp & the colors start to change in the Fall, and I love it when the snow starts to fly and I have cross country skiing and sledding to look forward to! In other words, I love the change of seasons, and that makes me feel extremely blessed to live in Wyoming where we do have different seasons. I couldn't live where the weather was the same all year long (although a week in Hawaii is pretty wonderful too!).

Now Springtime in Wyoming changes from one day to the next. One day it's beautiful and clear and a balmy 60 degrees. The next day (or by that night) the wind can pick up out of the north making me feel like it's going to bring our house to the ground; and if that wind carries snow with it, look out! Three years ago at the end of March we were stuck in our house for three days with no electricity or heat or visibility further than a foot in front of us! The drifts of snow that we had to dig out of were amazing. Snow is never out of the question even into the middle of June. We never know what we're going to get from one day to the next, and I must confess that this is one of the things that I love about Spring!

This morning I felt like I was in Ireland, with the green of the hillsides making a beautiful contrast against the red of the scoria rock that is so prevalent in this area where I live. It was drizzly with a fine mist hanging over and around the hills. As I made my way to the backside of our place I was amazed with how big this country is that I live in. It goes on for miles with no signs of a road or a dwelling place or any other human being. Only the cows and horses and various wildlife to keep me company. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that God saw fit to create this amazing world that we live in, & that He made it so beautiful in it's diversity. He could have created the Universe with one big rubber stamp, with every corner of it exactly the same as the next; He didn't have to bless us with breathtaking scenery and smells and textures that delight our senses, we don't need it to survive. And yet everything that He has made does have the ability to bring us delight if we take the time to take it all in. "You care for the land and water it; You enrich it abundantly. The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with grain, for so you have ordained it. You drench its furrows and level its ridges; you soften it with showers and bless its crops. You crown the year with Your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance. The grasslands of the desert overflow; the hills are covered with gladness. The meadows are covered with flocks and the valleys are mantled with grain; they shout for joy and sing." Psalm 65:9-13. Its apparent to me as I walk these hills that God was intentional in all that He created. I have a hard time understanding how anyone can believe that this was all a beautiful accident. More like a beautiful creation!

I'd love to hear comments about why you love Springtime in the area where you live. I'm partial to Springtime in the Rockies, but I've also been blessed with Springtime in Washington D.C. when the cherry blossoms are in bloom, and I have come to love the Sandhills of Nebraska this time of the year. I've also experienced Springtime in New York City if you can believe it, and the beauty of Central Park was a wonderful surprise to this country bumpkin! So please share with me what Spring is like where you reside!

And here's a special treat, especially for my mother!!

"My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" Book Review

2010-04-07T13:16:00.002-06:00

I just finished a really good book. Now this comes as no surprise to those of you who know me, this happens on a daily basis. I am an avid reader, and for anyone who has been to my house you will find that I have 2 to 4 books by my reading chair that I am reading - all at once! But this book is different, this book is special, this book made me put away all of my other books until I was finished. It takes a really good book for me put all other books aside! The title of the book is "My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" by Susanna Foth Aughtmon. Now one of the reasons this book is so special is because the Author is so special to me; Sue is a very dear friend of mine whom I met while living in Arlington, Virginia. We worked together at a specialty Coffee Shop (this is where my addiction for coffee began!). Sue and her family were a big part of my life during this adventure (ranch girl experiences city life). Seeing Jesus alive and active in their lives made me hunger to know Him better. And what I remember best about Sue is that she is funny, very, very funny! Knowing and loving the author is what made me want to read the book, but what I read inside the cover, that's what had me hooked!

This book resonated with me for a couple of reasons; first of all, I like to cut my bangs, and I do an awful job of it, and I have lied to myself on multiple occasions, telling myself and anyone who gave me that odd look with their head tilted to the side, that they weren't that bad. But most of all I love the Truth that Sue shares with the reader, that there is a Liar out there, and He is our enemy! "The Liar is going to try to take you out with his slick words and wormy lies, but you have a secret weapon. That weapon is that you are not alone. You never have been and you never will be. And you can be certain that if the Liar is trying to take you down with his slippery words, Jesus will be shouting out the truth. More than anything else, Jesus wants you to know the truth. And he is on your side."

So many of the lies that Sue spoke about in this book are lies that I have told myself at one point or another: that God is disappointed in me, that God doesn't have a plan for my life, that God can't use me, that God doesn't hear me...... There are so many, but Sue uses wisdom, wit and most importantly the Word of God to assure the reader that these are lies and that God is Truth. So if you need a good dose of truth and you feel like telling Satan that he is a stinky liar, then this book is for you! You can find it at Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/goodbangs

And if you are anxious to read more of Susanna’s take on life, Jesus, raising kids, what it means to be a tired supergirl and chocolate, you can visit her blog at tiredsupergirl.blogspot.com

Also, to all of my Buffalo MOPs Moms out there, don’t forget to leave a comment about why you would like to read a book about bangs and lies here on my blog, or email me at fraley@wbaccess.net for a chance to win a copy of Sue’s two books: “My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself” and “All I Need Is Jesus & A Good Pair of Jeans”.

As for me, I think I’m going to go call my beautician right now before I decide to cut my bangs!!!

Available now at your favorite bookseller from Revel, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

2010-04-05T07:59:00.002-06:00

Today is Easter. I love Easter, but like all other holidays, my expectations are too high. Let me tell you what my plans for this weekend were: I expected that Friday my family and I were going to be well on our way to Nebraska. I expected to be in our pick-up, loaded down with two kids, two dogs, our luggage, Easter goodies, and a bunch of straw in the back of the pick-up in preparation to bring home 4-H pigs. I was looking forward to cooking with my mom, and joking around with my “little” brother, and visiting with my sister-in-law about raising busy little boys and sweet little girls, and early morning coffee with my dad where we would discuss weather and calving and such. I couldn’t wait to see the baby calves and the new litter of Borgi puppies that my mom’s dog, Maddy, just delivered. I was expecting to have a wonderful Easter with my family. I anticipated Sunday morning Easter services at the little cowboy church that my family attends.

What I did not expect is that a spring snow- storm would hit Buffalo, or that Kade would throw up all over me the night before we were to leave. I didn’t expect that on Friday I would be cleaning up and disinfecting from the flu bug that he brought home from daycare and not driving to Nebraska. Or that Mike would be so overwhelmed with work and we wouldn’t be able to make the pig sale that we were planning on going to on our way to Grandpa and Grandma’s.

The thing about expectations is that they often lead to disappointment. I struggle with high expectations, having a picture in my mind of the way that things should go, and then being disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. I know that I’m not alone in this struggle. I’m sure that there are plenty of Courageous Mommies out there who have those unrealistic expectations that their kids are going to behave beautifully in the grocery store or the restaurant and not throw tantrums. Or how about the expectation that we can leave for a weekend away with the girls and come back to a clean and peaceful home? And then there’s the high expectation of our husbands walking through the door with a bouquet of flowers, kissing us passionately, telling us that they have called a baby sitter and are taking us out to dinner. Yep, we have a load of high expectations that are bound to lead to a pile of disappointment if we allow it to.

During my quiet time the other day I spent some time really pondering the Crucifixion and what exactly it meant, to Jesus, to his disciples, to his enemies, and to me. Calvary is never a comfortable place for me to go to. My ponderings first took me to Palm Sunday, and the “triumphal entry” of Jesus into Jerusalem. The expectations of the disciples at this time were high. I can just imagine the feeling that was in the air as Jesus rode down the streets of Jerusalem; the crowd that day was huge because it was the Passover. There were hundreds of people crowding the streets just trying to catch a glimpse of the healer/teacher that they had heard so much about. The praising, the waving of the palm branches, the fact that the people along the street were throwing their cloaks on the ground in front of the donkey Jesus was riding in honor of “their King”. The expectation was that Jesus was going to take his rightful place as their National leader and He was going to restore the people of Israel to their former glory.

And then later on in the week they meet in an upper room for the Passover supper, what we now know was Jesus’ last supper with the disciples. I believe that these men were expecting a celebration where Jesus would reveal His plans for His kingdom. I think that they had one focus and one focus only, who was going to be standing right beside Jesus and gaining the most glory. They had an argument amongst each other over who was going to be Jesus’ right hand man in this new government. What they didn’t expect was that Jesus would speak of betrayal and denial and death. They didn’t expect Jesus to get down on His knees to wash their feet, He was to be their King for crying out loud, and here He was acting like one of the servants.

Later that night Jesus takes a couple of them to the Garden of Gethsemane, He is overwrought at what is before Him. He needs His friends to stand beside Him, not for words of encouragement, but just for the comfort of their presence, to know that He wasn’t alone yet. They didn’t expect that Jesus would need them that much, that He would agonize to the point of sweating blood, so they fell asleep. And then when the soldiers came to arrest Jesus, they expected a fight. Swords were drawn, blood was drawn and what did Jesus do? He told them to put their weapons away and he healed the enemy. That was unexpected.

They didn’t expect their leader to be arrested, tried and sentenced to death by crucifixion, the death of a rebel or a slave, not of a king. All the while Jesus never once defended Himself. They didn’t expect the torture or the mocking. They didn’t expect that at the end they would desert him, leaving another to help Jesus carry His cross. No, none of this was what they had expected when they began following Jesus, they expected a leader, a warrior, someone who would fight fiercely to free them from the rule of Rome. Jesus did none of this. No, Jesus died on that cross; and along with His death the disciples felt that all of their hopes and dreams had died as well. Their expectations were destroyed and nothing would ever be the same. They were so right.

Because then comes the tomb. Talk about not meeting expectations! By now the followers of Jesus had no expectations at all, in fact they were as low as they had probably ever been. Their expectation was that the enemy had won, Jesus was dead and whatever it was that they thought they had been working towards was finished. The future looked bleak and hopeless. That first Easter morning, when those two women went to Jesus' grave they did not expect to see the stone rolled away and the tomb empty, they didn't expect to hear the news that Jesus was not dead but alive. Alive!! This exceeded any and all of their expectations. And what had seemed like the bleakest and darkest of days, soon turned into the most glorious of days!

This is how He works in my life too. He exceeds my expectations in more ways than I can even begin to describe. I never expected to be so overwhelmed in my love for Jesus and His love for me that it would take my breath away at times. I never expected to know a peace and a joy that goes far beyond whatever the World might offer me. I never expected to be so addicted to His Word that some mornings I wake up at 4:00 so that I can be immersed in it, wanting to know more and more about this Man who gave everything for me. I never expected to feel so deeply for the hurting and the lost that God has put in my path. I never expected redemption in my own life. I never expected Jesus to give everything for me. But He did, and because of this, all of the other expectations that I have are nothing. The thing that I have realized is that my expectations don’t come anywhere close to what it is that the Lord has in mind for my life. I don’t ever want to forfeit what He wants for me because of what my own plans are. Because of Him I am able to put aside all of these expectations and just be. Just be available for whatever adventure it is that God has for me.

This weekend my adventure included taking care of a sick little boy, dying Easter eggs with my family, making the decision that Hannah is going to show market lambs & a heifer instead of pigs this year, and an Easter Church service with my church family that was out of this world! High expectations can lead to so many disappointments, but Jesus never ever disappoints.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

Parenting Ain't for the Faint of Heart!

2010-03-13T14:47:00.005-07:00

A few weeks ago our family was invited to take part in a dinner for some of the new families in our Church. Mike was gone on a business trip over the weekend, so the kids and I were on our own. I had a feeling from the very beginning that I was in over my head! Kade was a handful to say the least; there really are no adequate words to describe how naughty my little boy was. I was in a cold sweat the entire time we were there, as Kade screamed, banged on his high chair, kicked the table, threw food on the floor and several times attempted to pull the table cloth off of the beautifully set table we were sitting at. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough after we were finished eating. I called Mike that night and let him know that his mother’s prophecy that someday he would have a son just like himself, had come true! It was a nightmare, and if we lived through it with Hannah I do not remember! Kade is a completely different child than his older sister.

The next day at Church, one of the ladies that sat at the table with us the night before, brought me a book entitled “To Train Up A Child” by Michael & Debi Pearl. She was so worried about offending me, but in the past month I have also been reading a book given to me by a friend called “The Bait Of Satan, Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense” by John Bevere. Both of these books are amazing and I don’t think that it was an accident that I started the John Bevere book before I was given the book on training children! I could have so easily taken offense with this woman and her offer of a parenting book after a not so stellar performance by my son. But because of what the Lord is showing me through this other book I am learning that far too often things that others say and do offend me. I allow that offense to trap me in a place where Satan can have a hay day and I miss out on blessings that God has for me.

So, no, I was not offended by the offer of this very helpful parenting book; instead I was very grateful that someone in my Church Family was brave and loving enough to risk offense and share something that is proving to be a very helpful and informative book on training children. To be perfectly honest, as Hannah’s mommy I was under the illusion that because she was such an easy child, I must be an incredibly good parent. As I looked around at all of those other children who misbehaved I (mistakenly) believed that it was because of bad parenting. It’s not that Hannah was never naughty, it’s just that she was easy & I never had to worry about taking her anywhere. This is not the case with her little brother! I find myself really weighing the options of taking him certain places or leaving him with a sitter. Kade is busy, and he is loud and he makes sure that everyone knows that he is there. He is also very cute and too many times we find ourselves laughing at his antics, which IS NOT helping!! Because you see my son is also smart, and he has come to realize that he gets good reactions from his naughty behavior and I think that he recognizes when I hit that point that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and quiet. I honestly don’t know who it is that needs the training, this child or the rest of his family!

I have now come to the conclusion that, after waiting almost a decade for this child, God is taking me down a notch! I realize that I need to STOP regarding others and myself as good or bad parents, and start looking at parents with grace and compassion. We’re all in the midst of this great adventure called parenting and it takes lots and lots of courage, as well as humility! I need to accept help wherever it is offered. God doesn’t intend for us to do this parenting thing alone, we need one another!

I am also finding myself in a unique position compared to many of my friends; I am dealing with a busy and strong willed toddler at the same time that I am dealing with an emotional 12-year-old daughter who is starting to spread her little wings. I am really beginning to experience the letting go part of parenting with Hannah because as she gets older she is becoming busier and involved in more and more activities that keep her away from me more than before. It’s a scary feeling for this often control freak of a mother! Hannah has come home from school twice in the past few weeks with something that she has “learned” at school from some of the other kids that I am NOT okay with her knowing about. I could jerk her out of school and start homeschooling, putting her in a bubble where she won’t be exposed to all of the things that the world wants to teach her but that I don’t want her to know. I am tempted sometimes. But I also know that Jesus wants her to shine for Him in a world that is growing darker and darker. And one thing I know for certain, Hannah shines for Jesus! I also think that this spreading of wings is an important part of growing up, the key is to know the rate of speed that this process is suppose to take! I believe that we need to allow her to spread her wings, but to do so at an appropriate speed. She’s discovered that she kind of likes boys this year, but we’ve also realized that she is NOT ready to “go with” boys yet like some of her friends are doing (the question that parents have been asking for years is what exactly does “going with” each other really mean? My dad asked me when I was in Jr. High, and now I’m asking Hannah! That’s a topic for another blog!). And the ongoing struggle with emotions and hormones at this age is exhausting for all of us! Poor Mike has looked like a deer in the headlights when Hannah begins to cry for no apparent reason. It’s just another phase of life that we need to continually seek wisdom for.

I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day about how frustrated she was with some of the battles going on with her children and that she just wished that there was a book out there that she could open up and find all the answers she needed for parenting. I told her that there was a book out there with all of the answers; it’s called the Bible!

I will always remember when my friend and mentor, Linda, led me to the book of James when Hannah was little and I was needing some wisdom in child rearing (see Hannah wasn’t easy all the time!). James 1:5 says: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. What better parenting manual is there than God’s Word? I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wisdom and guidance that I get from the Bible, for any circumstance imaginable, from dealing with outside influences teaching my daughter about things that aren’t benefitting her, to patience with little boys that like to play in the toilet and throw food at their mommies. Parenting is not for faint of heart, and we can't afford to let our guard down for a minute, there's too much at stake. If nothing else I find comfort and peace in what I read in God's Word, and a certainty that I am not alone, that God is involved in this parenting adventure, at all ages and stages.

Finding Simplicity in the Midst of Chaos and Stuff

2010-02-06T15:42:00.010-07:00

It's been awhile since I've been able to post anything on my Blog because we've had some computer trouble in the Fraley household; Hannah holding Kade while drinking a bottle of water and playing on the computer does not a good combination make! But God is good and the computer was under warranty and now I am able to catch up!

I had started to write something about the New Year when my computer got sick, and although we are now well on our way into the second month of the New Year, I still have so many thoughts that are swimming in my head about new beginnings, and hopefulness. Actually my meanderings have changed a bit in the month since 2010 began. I think that the New Year is always so full of hope and potential; we make New Year's resolutions, meaning that we resolve to change some things in our lives, try some new things and maybe quit some things that we feel are bringing us down. I love the idea of new beginnings, of a clean slate and a fresh start. However, now that it's the beginning of February, about half of those resolutions have already been busted! One thing that I've learned in my journey with the Lord is the fact that I don't need to look to January 1st in order to have those new beginnings, I can do it on February 6th or June 8th or October 6th, it doesn't matter when or where we are, God is the God of new beginnings and fresh starts!

The main New Year's resolution that I made for 2010 was: Simplify, Simplify, Simplify! My parents even gave me a sign with this one word on it for Christmas, and I have it hanging over a doorway as a constant reminder that I want to unclutter my life! I've begun with the guest room, which actually should be renamed the "throw all room" for this is where I "throw all" that I don't know what to do with! Then it's on to the kid's rooms and finally Mike's and my closet. It was embarrassing how much I have accumulated and the sad thing is that I've de-cluttered several times over the years, but it seems that once I get rid of stuff I give myself permission to get more stuff. It's a never ending cycle of craziness! Well, in the midst of going through and throwing out and putting aside to give away, I found this cool little book called "Simplify Your Life... 100 Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy the Things That Really Matter". Pretty appropriate don't you think?

I've enjoyed reading this short little book, and have come to the realization that my life is more simple than I thought! So many of the suggestions that the author made are things that I already implement. Part of the reason for this is because of where we live, we enjoy a simple and slow lifestyle on the ranges of Wyoming, we really don't have much of a choice! Another reason is because of the way that I was raised, the simple ways of life on a ranch. There is also the economy to take into consideration right now. Simple living is as much out of necessity rather than choice right now. I refuse to be discouraged about how carefully we have to budget our income, and instead I choose to look at it as a challenge and an adventure! I've been reading a lot lately about the Great Depression, and rather than become fearful and discouraged, I am heartened by the courage and fortitude that our grandparents and great-grandparents had in not just surviving hard-times, but thriving despite them!

So I'm finding that my role as a courageous mommy in the beginning of 2010 is in creating peace through simplicity for my family, enjoying the small pleasures in life. Like a walk with Kade where everything is new a incredible to his 16-month-old senses, or having a heart to heart with Hannah about how good God is in the midst of hardship and how He never ever changes or grows weary, cuddling with my handsome husband on the couch as we watch t.v. or do our Bible Study together, having a strong cup of coffee with sweet friends who love me enough to take me as I am, a phone conversation with my mother who is always available with a ready ear and a loving heart. Or in enjoying the first light of day as I spend time with God in the morning. Who needs stuff and busyness and chaos when a heart can enjoy the quiet peace of knowing that God has everything under control?

My wish for everyone in 2010 is this same thing, a quiet simplicity that brings about peace in the midst of life's storms. And maybe a stash of chocolate somewhere in all of that simplicity!

Give Thanks to The Lord For He is Good!!

2009-11-25T23:28:00.006-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!! I was up early this morning, enjoying the peace and solitude of my Quiet Time, reflecting about all that I have to be thankful for. I came upon Psalm 136. The entire Psalm is one of Thanksgiving to God, because He is good, because He alone does great wonders, making the heavens and the earth, the waters that stretch across the earth, the lights that govern the day and the moon and stars that govern the night. He deserves our praise and Thanksgiving for all of the ways that He protects and provides for His people, for freeing us from bondage and leading us through deserts.

Today I give thanks to the "One who remembered us in our low estate and freed us from our enemies, and who gives food to every creature. I give thanks to the God of heaven." What I especially love about this Psalm is the response, "His love endures forever". That's the truth that I cling to every day, the thing that I am the most thankful for. It is what begins my journey to a million other things that I am so grateful for on this Thanksgiving day: my family, my husbands kisses and the laughter of my children, our health, our many wonderful friends, our jobs, the way of life that we enjoy in Wyoming, the beauty of God's creation that surrounds me. And I'm thankful for turkey and stuffing and green bean casserole and pumpkin pie!

I love thanksgiving for so many reasons, but especially because today makes us stop and ponder what we are thankful for and why. Our Pastor and his son just got back from a missions trip in Zimbabwe. They were there for two weeks, visiting family's in different "trusts" or villages. Each family that they visited was given a gift of water and cornmeal. Pastor Bob shared with us how grateful the people were for what is a seemingly simple gift. Bu this gift would go a long way in feeding these families and they didn't hesitate in sharing their meal with their guests! I think that we have gotten too accustomed to comfort, ease and plenty here in American, making it harder and harder to be thankful. So today I am finding myself thankful for our ability to share water and cornmeal with a starving country, and for people like Pastor Bob and Dylan, who are willing to to go and give to a poor and hungry people, and then come back and open our eyes to all that we have to be truly grateful for, and to consider that if we had a lot less, maybe our gratitude would be more. Take time and read Psalm 136 today, it will begin the journey to a thankful heart!

A Fall of Firsts

2009-11-25T21:33:00.014-07:00

I love Fall!! I know that I wrote a few months ago about how much I love summer, and it's true, I do love summertime. I love all of the seasons, mainly I love the change of seasons, which means that Wyoming is the perfect state for me to live in! In my heart of hearts, though, Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors and the smells and the cool, crisp feel of Autumn. Now that Fall is almost over, I find myself reflecting over how many firsts we experienced in the last three months. There have been a lot of 'em!

The "first 1st" was Kade's birthday! He turned 1 on September 28th. What a celebration that was! To think that a year earlier my little man came into this world in a burst of energy! The doctor told Mike and I that it was the first time in the many years of delivering babies that one fought so hard to make his way out into the world!

For those of you who don't know our story; Mike, Hannah, and I waited and prayed for 9 1/2 years for this newest member of our family. He was a much anticipated baby! When people realize the 11 year span between our two kids, they give me a knowing smile and want to know if Kade was an accident. I love telling them that he was an amazing surprise, but in no way was he an accident! God knew exactly what He was doing making us wait for this answered prayer! At the beginning of my pregnancy we also had quite the scare when I had a cyst on my ovary that burst. Mike rushed me to the ER two days after we found out that I was finally pregnant. The doctor initially thought that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and we were told that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. We were broken hearted. But rather than administering the medication that would terminate the pregnancy, the doctor on call (I refer to him as one of Kade's Angels!) chose to send me to Sheridan and my regular OB/GYN, where it was discovered that I had the cyst and it was not a tubal pregnancy. What cause for celebration that was! Struggling with infertility for all of those years was heartbreaking for both Mike and I, but it gave us the opportunity to choose to trust in God. My faith grew and was strengthened because of my heartbreak, not in spite of it. And that day when I finally held my baby boy in my arms was the end result of years of choosing trust over despair.

Kade's 1st birthday was a big event, complete with cupcakes and birthday hats and gifts. The thing that struck me the most, though was the fact that my little boy was surrounded by people who love him and who had spent years praying with us for this beautiful little boy! He was completely enveloped in love.

Other Firsts this Fall:

Hannah's first Jr. High Dance!

Kade's first haircut

Hannah's first hunt!!

12th Birthdays and Braving Slumber Parties

2009-09-20T19:54:00.000-06:00

Hannah Mac turned 12 on August 29^th, and this birthday marked a first for me in the endeavors of motherhood; a slumber party involving 7 young girls ages 9 to 12. Now let me precede this with the reasons why I have not attempted a slumber party up to this point: First of all, I am easily over-stimulated and our house is small, a one level ranch-style home, with Hannah’s room directly across from ours. Imagining the amount of noise that a group of pre-teen girls can make is very frightening to me! Second of all Mike and I like to sleep, and we are the early to bed type, I know what goes on at these slumber parties, and “slumber” isn’t high on the list of activities! And last of all, what in the world do you do w/ a group of 4^th to 7^th grade girls to keep them entertained and all getting along? I tell you slumber parties have always been on my list of most frightening experiences; I have always had the utmost respect & admiration for those moms who host slumber parties on a regular basis, but I am not one of them.

And then Hannah turned 12 and requested a slumber party; what choice did I have when this girl of mine, who rarely requests anything, specifically asked for a slumber party? So I laid aside my fears and called my best friend Erika. Erika is the Queen of kid parties of any kind, including those for pre-adolescent, giggly, emotional young girls; I needed her support as well as any and all ideas that she could give me!

This ended up being a 24-hour birthday party, complete with a treasure hunt, a variety show, ice cream sundaes, and ending with a day at the lake. I survived it, and more than that I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t know how soon it’ll be before I’m ready for another one, but I think that I am now brave enough to try it again.

I planned on writing something sentimental and insightful about my little girl becoming another year older, and then I found a treasure as Hannah and I were looking through her 1^st Year Scrapbook. It was an article that my mother wrote right after Hannah was born and right before my 26^th birthday for her column “At Home on the Range with Jody”. It brought tears to my eyes and I thought that this would be appropriate to share with all of you now, 12 years later:

“A New Grandma Reflects” by Jody White

It seems like just yesterday that the doctor held you up for me to see and announced “It’s a girl”, or that I held you in my arms and rocked you while looking into those beautiful blue eyes and just loving you so much, thanking God that He had given you to us.

Jana, we remember your first tooth, and your first day of kindergarten. Your father and I remember, along with your first tooth and kindergarten, your first pair of cowboy boots, and your first horse, very important rites of passage in the life of a ranch kid. And we remember our reaction the night you told us you were asked on your very first date. And all those subsequent nights after, that I stayed up waiting for you so we could talk. I remember pigtails and toothless grins, proms, boyfriends, queen try-outs, victories and disappointments, and your high school graduation. And your dad especially remembers that day when Mike asked for your hand in marriage. What a sweet and old-fashioned thing to do. And then a wedding; I especially remember when the pastor asked “And who gives this bride away?” And your dad, with tears in his eyes, answered, “Her mother, her brothers and I do”. A bittersweet time. But in return we got a wonderful son-in-law and the knowledge that our daughter was going to be very well loved. And loved not only by her husband but by his family too.

And now as I look down at the little bundle in my arms and into bottomless blue eyes, very much like her mother’s, something indescribable wells up inside me. Her tiny fingers wrap tightly around my own, and in that little gesture she wraps herself securely around my heart.

Little Hannah, I hope you realize how well and how completely you are loved. You are, shall I say very snugly wrapped in family. From Grandmas and Grandpas, Great Grandmas and Grandpas, aunts and uncles, cousins, Godparents, and of course your Mommy and Daddy, you are loved. Even the little community you live in, where you have been nicknamed “Holy Hannah!!” has welcomed you with open arms. I wonder how old you will be when either your Grandpa White or your Grandpa Fraley puts you on a horse to move cattle?

You know I also think back to when your mother told me after reading the book “Mrs. Mike” for the third time, that someday she was going to be a Mrs. Mike. And who would ever have thought that that’s exactly what would happen! Amazing! I am also amazed as I watch your Grandpa kiss and fuss over you, or Joel and Coby scoop you up in their arms, feed and change you. Are these my men?? What wonderful qualities you have brought out in them. And it has given me a glimpse into what they might be as fathers. Thank you for the sneak preview.

And to think I’m a Grandma. A Grandma!! Wow! What an awesome responsibility. And although your mother and I thought you were a “Hank” right up to delivery, we couldn’t be more tickled that you’re a Hannah!”

End of Summer Meanderings

2009-09-19T14:54:00.002-06:00

Camping in the Big Horns
Kade enjoying his first Smore!

Relaxin' on the mountain

Hangin' out at the Buffalo pool

Fishin' buddies

Kade's 1st Fly Fishing lesson

Well, it's time to get caught up on my meanderings, I'm a good month behind on a few things that I wanted to share! First of all I can't believe that summer is officially over; it went so fast and furious, I wonder if I was truly able to enjoy it. But I do have to say that I am ready for Fall; which is honestly my favorite time of the year, the colors, the smells, the cool, crisp air, hunting in the Big Horns and my birthday! But before I am able to begin sharing the Fall happenings of the Fraley Four I suppose that I should finish w/ our summer activities!

August was of course filled with fairs, and once that was over we had the start of school to look forward to. It's always so bittersweet to see school begin, I know that I'm going to miss having Hannah with me all day, and yet I look forward to the routine that the school year brings. People are always asking the standard "How was your summer" and I always answer with the typical "It was good but fast". I have to ask myself, how was our summer, really; and I have to say that it was good. We made good family memories, Kade's first camping trip, Hannah's first time away at church camp, lots of fishing and playing at the lake, time spent with family. We may not have done as much traveling as we have done in years past, but we managed to have plenty of adventures right around here.

So now Hannah has started the 6th grade, that means Middle School. Now I have to confess that a couple of years ago the idea of my little girl being in the junior high struck terror in my heart. It just seems so much bigger, more part of the world, than the elementary; but she was ready and so was I! She was the most excited about the fact that she actually gets her own locker this year, that was a very big deal. Hannah asked that I take her to school that morning, but that I not take her into the school, and that I NOT take pictures at school! I couldn't believe it, the traditional picture of Hannah standing in front of the school, the one that I have taken every year since she was in Kindergarten, I was not allowed to take. On one hand it broke my heart, and on the other hand I appreciate seeing the maturity and independence that our little girl is gaining, at just the right pace. One of my favorite sayings is: "The two greatest gifts that we can give to our children are roots and wings." My Hannah Mac is growing wings. So, I had to resign myself to pictures of her at the house the 1st day of school and then in front of her bus the following day!

The other event that I wanted to share was my "7th Annual First Day of School Coffee". The year that Hannah started kindergarten I realized that I was going to need a good distraction in order to survive the emotions of that day; so I hosted a coffee for other mothers who also needed the distraction and support of sending their babies off to school. The coffee is something that my friends have come to look forward to and expect each year. This year I was struck by some of the things that us "Courageous Mommies" have faced over the years; decisions of whether or not to send our kids on or hold them back, fears of how our children will get along w/ their teachers and other classmates, some of us moms were sending our last child on to kindergarten and some of us were watching as they entered high school. Some of these women have been coming since the beginning, and each year we end up missing some moms who have gone back to work, but there were also some new faces this year that added to all of the fun! There were a few tears that morning, but mostly a lot of laughter and LOTs of caffeine! Each year I wonder if I will host the coffee or not but I am always so thankful that I've opened up my home to these precious women. We Moms need one another in order to be courageous. So I suppose that it looks like I will be hosting the "Annual First Day of School Coffee" for another 17 more years until Kade graduates!

The Courageous Fair Mommy

2009-08-16T18:17:00.000-06:00

I just survived the toughest two weeks of my year, County Fair followed immediately by State Fair. I love fair time, both Johnson County Fair and the Wyoming State Fair; so many of my memories are wrapped up in these events. Mike and I even spent our honeymoon at State Fair his first year as an Ag Teacher! But fair time is not for the faint of heart, it really does require a whole lot of courage for us fair parents! I have to say that since Hannah has been in 4-H I have learned something new each year, but I always manage to forget whatever I’ve learned by the time fair rolls around the next year! This year was especially full of adventure with the addition of one busy little boy; I decided that we have either made Kade “fair tough” or “fair sour”!

Here are my top 10 secrets to surviving as a Fair Mom:

1.) We all have the potential of being a “fair mom” (including yours truly); as in the mom who is normally calm and level headed, but the minute her child enters the show ring she becomes a raving, ultra-competitive woman who can scare the most seasoned of judges w/ just a look. We would all enjoy fair much more if we’d just cool it & support our kids, it’s about them and not us after all!

2.) A fair mom should have a well stocked cooler full of drinks and healthy snacks, otherwise her kids will break her as they consume an innumerable amount of hamburgers, Indian tacos, funnel cakes, deep fried Snickers Bars & oreos (yes, they really do exist), lemonades and pops.

3.) I have learned the importance of daily naps during fair in order to get adequate rest; this year this only involved Kade and I as Hannah has reached that age where she refuses to leave the fairgrounds for fear that she will miss something.

4.) A Fair Mom w/ a younger child should have really good shoes and a heavy duty stroller that she doesn’t mind getting covered in dust and manure (I wore the tread off of the tires on my stroller this year!), and one w/ plenty of storage room at the bottom to carry all important fair essentials

5.) A fair mom must remain calm when various problems arise, such as an empty pigpen w/ a wide-open gate on the morning of the pig show (we soon found “Choco Roco” in a pen at the wash rack, thank you to whoever found him!)

6.) We must always remember that whatever show supplies we have invested in and taken to State Fair will almost certainly NOT make it back home with us!

7.) It’s impossible to keep up w/ all of the laundry that a family can go through during a week of fair, so to make it easier, just let them wear the one pair of pants and t-shirt that they insist on wearing everyday, because as Hannah informed me, they’re just going to get dirty anyway.

8.) For her own sanity, a fair mom needs to just accept the fact that her house, her vehicle and her camper is going to look and smell like a pig pen (or sheep or steer barn) until fair is over.

9.) Little boys need to get down and crawl around, whether it be in the dirt, in the sawdust or in the pig pen. And an experienced fair mom will know that whatever he puts into his mouth probably won’t kill him, it’ll just make for interesting diapers - it may have been my imagination, but Kade’s dirty diapers soon began to smell like pig manure, it could have been that I was just in the pig barn for far too long, but it also could have been what I caught him putting in his mouth several times, eeewwww!!!

10.) No matter how many years we have livestock projects in 4-H, the night of the fat stock sale will always bring a flood of tears as we say goodbye, always.

So, I’ve learned and I’ve relearned several lessons in being a fair parent; hopefully next year I’ll actually remember what all I’ve discovered. All in all it was a successful fair season; Hannah did really well w/ her pigs and the photos that she entered in the open class. She won her first buckle and is already talking about whether or not she’s taking pigs or steers to fair next year; I for one am looking forward to not having chores for a little while and trying to get rid of the stench of pig poop that is almost impossible to remove from the bottoms of shoes!!!

Hannah's buckle that she won in Intermediate showmanship

Kade just hangin' out at fair Hannah & her friend Misty on their float

Kade's outfit for the "Cutest Baby Contest" at Fair

Ahh, Summertime!!

2009-06-09T09:54:00.000-06:00

I love summertime. I love the possibilities that summer holds & I love the memories of summers from my childhood. I love the idea of lazy summer days, and I love the reality of how crazy busy summer actually is. I love summer road trips & 4-H projects & county fair. I love fresh cut grass & the Buffalo town pool (when it’s open). I love camping & cookouts & campfires. I love spending time on the lake with my family, a fishing pole and a good book. I love summer food: hot dogs & hamburgers, potato salad & pasta salad, watermelon & popsicles & smores. I love warm days & cool nights but I hate the heat, therefore June is my favorite month in the summer

Hannah, Kade & I have already enjoyed one of these favorites of summertime when we took a road trip to Helena MT last weekend to meet my best friend, Erika, and her kids, Julia & Logan. Erika lives in Ohio and her nephew was graduating from Helena High School, so I decided that since we were actually in the same time zone I would make the 7-hour drive to see her. What a wonderful time I had with this precious friend and her family! We stayed up late talking (ok, so we only stayed up until 11:00 pm, but for those of you who know me well, that is late for me!), we laughed & we cried, we ate pizza at 10:30 at night. We marveled at how much our kids had grown & changed in the 2 ½ years since we had last been together. We tried to solve all of the problems that are plaguing our lives & we failed to do so. I suppose that we need to start planning another trip together in order to try again soon! Best of all we were able to steal away for a few minutes and pray together, giving all of our stresses and struggles and joys to the Lord. I tried to savor every minute that I had with Erika because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I see her again. I don’t have a sister of my own, but God has blessed me with this sister of my spirit. She's a fellow "Courageous Mommy" and I’d drive another 7 hours or more in order to see her again!

So now I am looking forward to whatever else this summer holds for us. I do have to say that the snow that we had this weekend is not something that I love to see in the summer, but this is Wyoming and I have not put away our snow boots yet; I think that I'll wait until July for that!

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.” John Lubbock. Have a wonderful summer everyone!!

Being Courageous

2009-05-30T23:43:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of things in life that require courage; experiences that we might miss because sometimes it’s just easier not to take the chance than to risk failure. Some of the courageous things in my life that I have done include public speaking, running for an office in the State FFA Association, living & working in a big city back East, driving in Denver, roping a calf, scary amusement park rides, skiing (both cross country & downhill, although cross country has become a passion & downhill is something I only do if I have to), riding a difficult horse and writing. There are also innumerable things that I have not had the courage to try, some that I wish I would have, some I still might, and some I never will!

By far the most courageous undertaking that I have experienced has been motherhood. Motherhood requires courage each and every day, several times a day & quite often through sleepless nights. When I first became a mother, over 11 years ago when Hannah was born, I was scared to death! And there was no turning back. I remember holding her and thinking, “I’m going to break her, what in the world were the doctor & nurses thinking when they let me bring her home?” It took several months for me to be comfortable enough in my role as Hannah’s mommy that I no longer held my breath each time I held her in my arms. But it was also the most natural thing in the world, like I was created for this role. I never longed for anything more than being a wife & mother, & with the birth of this precious little soul I finally felt like I was who I was suppose to be.

She is almost 12 years old now & I can’t believe how the years have flown. Although I no longer feel like I am going to break her, I still pray for courage daily in my role as her mommy. I have had to learn how to deal with physical hurts & emotional hurts, how to let some things go & to allow her to be herself. I’ve had to dig down deep for that courage as I allow her a little more freedom & responsibility here and there. It’s so scary, but totally worth it in order to be her mother & see the beautiful, confident & godly young lady that she is becoming.

And now I find myself searching for courage again in my role as mommy to Baby Kade. What a person can forget in 11 years!! I forgot the long nights, when you pray for a few hours of sleep; & then when the baby actually sleeps for longer stretches of time, you lay there awake, fearful that he’s not breathing! And the daily stresses of caring for a baby: am I nursing him often enough, is he getting enough milk, is he growing properly, shouldn’t he be crawling yet, once he starts crawling & pulling himself up on things is he going to have stitches before he’s 9 mths old? The list of worries could be endless if we let it - injury, illness, or other kinds of physical harm, dealing with their hurt feelings caused by other kids, the pain of being left out, the fear of what the future holds in store for each of them.

And each day that I rise I have a choice in regards to my role as a mother (and a wife); do I choose worry & fear or do I choose courage and faith? I thank the Lord that I don’t have to do this mothering thing alone, because I would allow the hard parts of it overwhelm me. But because I get my courage and my wisdom from Him, I know that nothing that I do is beyond Him or out of His control. I think about a song that we sang the first year that Hannah was in Vacation Bible School, it was taken from Joshua 1:9 “Be strong & courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!” This makes me one Courageous Mommy!!!