There are a lot of things in life that require courage; experiences that we might miss because sometimes it’s just easier not to take the chance than to risk failure. Some of the courageous things in my life that I have done include public speaking, running for an office in the State FFA Association, living & working in a big city back East, driving in Denver, roping a calf, scary amusement park rides, skiing (both cross country & downhill, although cross country has become a passion & downhill is something I only do if I have to), riding a difficult horse and writing. There are also innumerable things that I have not had the courage to try, some that I wish I would have, some I still might, and some I never will!
By far the most courageous undertaking that I have experienced has been motherhood. Motherhood requires courage each and every day, several times a day & quite often through sleepless nights. When I first became a mother, over 11 years ago when Hannah was born, I was scared to death! And there was no turning back. I remember holding her and thinking, “I’m going to break her, what in the world were the doctor & nurses thinking when they let me bring her home?” It took several months for me to be comfortable enough in my role as Hannah’s mommy that I no longer held my breath each time I held her in my arms. But it was also the most natural thing in the world, like I was created for this role. I never longed for anything more than being a wife & mother, & with the birth of this precious little soul I finally felt like I was who I was suppose to be.
She is almost 12 years old now & I can’t believe how the years have flown. Although I no longer feel like I am going to break her, I still pray for courage daily in my role as her mommy. I have had to learn how to deal with physical hurts & emotional hurts, how to let some things go & to allow her to be herself. I’ve had to dig down deep for that courage as I allow her a little more freedom & responsibility here and there. It’s so scary, but totally worth it in order to be her mother & see the beautiful, confident & godly young lady that she is becoming.
And now I find myself searching for courage again in my role as mommy to Baby Kade. What a person can forget in 11 years!! I forgot the long nights, when you pray for a few hours of sleep; & then when the baby actually sleeps for longer stretches of time, you lay there awake, fearful that he’s not breathing! And the daily stresses of caring for a baby: am I nursing him often enough, is he getting enough milk, is he growing properly, shouldn’t he be crawling yet, once he starts crawling & pulling himself up on things is he going to have stitches before he’s 9 mths old? The list of worries could be endless if we let it - injury, illness, or other kinds of physical harm, dealing with their hurt feelings caused by other kids, the pain of being left out, the fear of what the future holds in store for each of them.
And each day that I rise I have a choice in regards to my role as a mother (and a wife); do I choose worry & fear or do I choose courage and faith? I thank the Lord that I don’t have to do this mothering thing alone, because I would allow the hard parts of it overwhelm me. But because I get my courage and my wisdom from Him, I know that nothing that I do is beyond Him or out of His control. I think about a song that we sang the first year that Hannah was in Vacation Bible School, it was taken from Joshua 1:9 “Be strong & courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!” This makes me one Courageous Mommy!!!
