A few weeks ago our family was invited to take part in a dinner for some of the new families in our Church. Mike was gone on a business trip over the weekend, so the kids and I were on our own. I had a feeling from the very beginning that I was in over my head! Kade was a handful to say the least; there really are no adequate words to describe how naughty my little boy was. I was in a cold sweat the entire time we were there, as Kade screamed, banged on his high chair, kicked the table, threw food on the floor and several times attempted to pull the table cloth off of the beautifully set table we were sitting at. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough after we were finished eating. I called Mike that night and let him know that his mother’s prophecy that someday he would have a son just like himself, had come true! It was a nightmare, and if we lived through it with Hannah I do not remember! Kade is a completely different child than his older sister.
The next day at Church, one of the ladies that sat at the table with us the night before, brought me a book entitled “To Train Up A Child” by Michael & Debi Pearl. She was so worried about offending me, but in the past month I have also been reading a book given to me by a friend called “The Bait Of Satan, Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense” by John Bevere. Both of these books are amazing and I don’t think that it was an accident that I started the John Bevere book before I was given the book on training children! I could have so easily taken offense with this woman and her offer of a parenting book after a not so stellar performance by my son. But because of what the Lord is showing me through this other book I am learning that far too often things that others say and do offend me. I allow that offense to trap me in a place where Satan can have a hay day and I miss out on blessings that God has for me.
So, no, I was not offended by the offer of this very helpful parenting book; instead I was very grateful that someone in my Church Family was brave and loving enough to risk offense and share something that is proving to be a very helpful and informative book on training children. To be perfectly honest, as Hannah’s mommy I was under the illusion that because she was such an easy child, I must be an incredibly good parent. As I looked around at all of those other children who misbehaved I (mistakenly) believed that it was because of bad parenting. It’s not that Hannah was never naughty, it’s just that she was easy & I never had to worry about taking her anywhere. This is not the case with her little brother! I find myself really weighing the options of taking him certain places or leaving him with a sitter. Kade is busy, and he is loud and he makes sure that everyone knows that he is there. He is also very cute and too many times we find ourselves laughing at his antics, which IS NOT helping!! Because you see my son is also smart, and he has come to realize that he gets good reactions from his naughty behavior and I think that he recognizes when I hit that point that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and quiet. I honestly don’t know who it is that needs the training, this child or the rest of his family!
I have now come to the conclusion that, after waiting almost a decade for this child, God is taking me down a notch! I realize that I need to STOP regarding others and myself as good or bad parents, and start looking at parents with grace and compassion. We’re all in the midst of this great adventure called parenting and it takes lots and lots of courage, as well as humility! I need to accept help wherever it is offered. God doesn’t intend for us to do this parenting thing alone, we need one another!
I am also finding myself in a unique position compared to many of my friends; I am dealing with a busy and strong willed toddler at the same time that I am dealing with an emotional 12-year-old daughter who is starting to spread her little wings. I am really beginning to experience the letting go part of parenting with Hannah because as she gets older she is becoming busier and involved in more and more activities that keep her away from me more than before. It’s a scary feeling for this often control freak of a mother! Hannah has come home from school twice in the past few weeks with something that she has “learned” at school from some of the other kids that I am NOT okay with her knowing about. I could jerk her out of school and start homeschooling, putting her in a bubble where she won’t be exposed to all of the things that the world wants to teach her but that I don’t want her to know. I am tempted sometimes. But I also know that Jesus wants her to shine for Him in a world that is growing darker and darker. And one thing I know for certain, Hannah shines for Jesus! I also think that this spreading of wings is an important part of growing up, the key is to know the rate of speed that this process is suppose to take! I believe that we need to allow her to spread her wings, but to do so at an appropriate speed. She’s discovered that she kind of likes boys this year, but we’ve also realized that she is NOT ready to “go with” boys yet like some of her friends are doing (the question that parents have been asking for years is what exactly does “going with” each other really mean? My dad asked me when I was in Jr. High, and now I’m asking Hannah! That’s a topic for another blog!). And the ongoing struggle with emotions and hormones at this age is exhausting for all of us! Poor Mike has looked like a deer in the headlights when Hannah begins to cry for no apparent reason. It’s just another phase of life that we need to continually seek wisdom for.
I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day about how frustrated she was with some of the battles going on with her children and that she just wished that there was a book out there that she could open up and find all the answers she needed for parenting. I told her that there was a book out there with all of the answers; it’s called the Bible!
I will always remember when my friend and mentor, Linda, led me to the book of James when Hannah was little and I was needing some wisdom in child rearing (see Hannah wasn’t easy all the time!). James 1:5 says: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. What better parenting manual is there than God’s Word? I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wisdom and guidance that I get from the Bible, for any circumstance imaginable, from dealing with outside influences teaching my daughter about things that aren’t benefitting her, to patience with little boys that like to play in the toilet and throw food at their mommies. Parenting is not for faint of heart, and we can't afford to let our guard down for a minute, there's too much at stake. If nothing else I find comfort and peace in what I read in God's Word, and a certainty that I am not alone, that God is involved in this parenting adventure, at all ages and stages.