Roots and Wings

My Aunt Linda has a sign that has hung in her bathroom for as long as I can remember, it says something like this: "Two of the greatest gifts that we can give to our children are roots and wings." As a kid growing up and visiting my Aunt and Uncle I didn't get it.  Roots and wings?  What was the significance of giving your kids roots and wings?  I really didn't think that I would be too thrilled if my parents gave me a gift wrapped tree root for my birthday or an eagle feather in my Christmas stocking! When Mike and I got married we moved closer to my Aunt Linda and when Hannah was born it was my Aunt who watched her when I went back to work.  By that time I realized that the sign wasn't referring to literal roots and wings, but figurative ones because these are the gifts that my Mom & Dad gave to me!  If  parents raise their kids with the deep roots of faith, love, family, moral and ethical values that give children the foundation and courage they need then when the time is right they can give their children the gift of wings as they prepare to "fly the coop" and venture out on their own.  The reality of these words have never meant more to me than they have in the past year.

 Two and a half weeks ago Mike, Kade and I kissed Hannah goodbye and sent her on a bus with 19 other classmates and two teachers. They were headed to Denver and then getting on a plane and heading to Costa Rica. My 14-year-old daughter was leaving the country - without her father or I!  Trust me when I say that it took me two years to get used to the idea of her going so far away without us.  This is a trip that the Junior High 8th grade class has been doing for years.  Up to 20 kids are selected in the spring of their 7th grade year, spend a year raising the money to go and then spend about 10 days in this beautiful country studying the environment, ecology and the people.  It's an amazing opportunity for these kids, most of whom have never left the United States.  But as a parent of a 6th and even 7th grader, the idea of it is just a tad overwhelming!  Last spring we found out that Hannah had been one of the 20 kids selected to go on this huge trip.  She was beyond excited, I was beyond terrified!  Every possible scenario that had a horrible ending went through my mind; everything from the plane going down over the ocean, to her contracting some horrible sickness from the bugs and critters over there!  I even got my passport right alongside her on the off chance that she was going to need her mother to fly to Costa Rica and bring her home because she was so homesick! (ok, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration; I did get my passport just in case there was an accident or an illness that would require me to bring her home, but I knew without a doubt that she was not going to be homesick!).

 As the summer months filled up with money making activities, I began to settle down a little and really become excited for her.  I knew that the experience of visiting another country was going to be incredible, but even the process of getting there was proving to be filled with invaluable life lessons!  Like when we ordered the Costa Rican coffee that she sold.  When she had to actually pay for the coffee out of the money she had already earned she cried, not understanding why she had to fork over such a large summ of money when the whole idea was to raise it, not spend it!  A few weeks later I informed her that any coffe she sold from that point on was pure profit; that was an "aha moment"!  And she worked her little hiney off raising the $3,000 dollars needed for the trip. She cleaned yards, houses, and doggy doodoo.  She helped with parking at a soccer tournament.  She sold sandwhiches at the local IGA.  She babysat and filed for a law office.  She cleaned her Dad's office.  She cowboyed for her Grandpa.  She sold raffle tickets for a painting and her extra 4-H pig (which, by the way, was the most painful thing she did to raise funds!).  She learned the value of having a goal and making a plan to reach it.

And then there was the planning and the anticipation that consumed an entire year!  One day a few months ago out of the blue, Hannah looked at me and said, "Can you believe how incredibly blessed I am  to be 14-years-old and going out of the country with my best friends!"  Yes Hannah, it is indeed a blessing!  About a month before she left we had a parent meeting where immunizations were given, passports were checked and prescriptions for anti-malaria medication were discussed.  It became very real at that point!!

Hannah will need to share her experiences with a post and pictures sometime real soon; it was a pretty amazing adventure!  The point of my writing today is from the view point of a parent gifting her child with roots and wings.  Both are so important to the growth and maturity of our children, but it's a balance.  You can't give one and not the other, not if we want our kids to become strong members of society who will make their own way on this journey of life, influencing those who they come into contact with for the better.  If we give one without the other we will either end up with children who are strongly tied to their families and homes, but don't have the courage, self assurance and wisdom to venture out on their own.  If we give them their wings too soon then we will have children who will be bombared by a society that will eat them alive.  I think that it's such a temptation to go to the extreme one way or the other.  On one hand to try and keep our kids tied to us for as long as possible, wanting to protect them, keeping them safe from all of the scary stuff out there in the real world.  Sometimes it's with the misconception that if we keep them grounded with strong roots but no wings then we are protecting them from anything that might harm them.  But then we clip their wings and stunt their growth and keep them from all of the wonderful things that God has in store for them.  I read once that our biggest responsiblity to our children is not in keeping them safe, but in preparing them for the life that God has prepared for them, to give them the courage to figure out who they are, where they are going and what kind of an impact they are going to make in our world and for Him and His glory.  On the flip side, I see far too many kids that have been given their wings entirely too soon, before they are ready and have the knowledge and resources needed to know how to use their wings appropriately.  We see kids who are too eager to grow up and leave home and try and tackle life's responsibiities on their own.  That's a train wreck waiting to happen if you ask me.

It's a balance and I'm learning to walk that fine line.  Again, I look to God and His word to give me wisdom in knowing when to gift my children with roots, holding them back until they are ready, and when to go ahead and let them try their wings a little!  James 1:5 tells us to ask Him for wisdom whenever we want, and He will give it and not hold back!  I don't need to worry about lacking in the wisdom department, because God gives it away generously!  I am so thankful for that, and thankful for my children who are continueing to teach me these great lessons.  And thankful for parents who gifted me with roots and wings.  And thankful for the sign that still hangs in my Aunt Linda's bathroom to remind me that some of the greatest gifts that we give our kids have no price tags and require no gift wrapping!