A Life Well Lived

Jessie Ada White March 16, 1925 to December 8, 2010

Two weeks ago my grandmother, Jessie White, passed away in Cody Wyoming. She was such a huge influence in my life because the boys and I were raised on the ranch with Grandpa Mort & Grandma Jessie living right next door. A lifetime of memories have overwhelmed me in the past few weeks. It’s such a strange feeling to know that she is gone; I am no longer able to call her up on the phone, catch her up on our life, ask her for one of her famous recipes, or how to get a particular stain out of a favorite outfit. The kids and I will no longer be making trips over the mountain to spend weekends with her, going through pictures, making scrapbooks, eating out at the Chinese Restaurant, and then going for Dairy Queen at 9:00 at night.

I was able to get to Cody & spend two days with her before she died and I'll always be grateful for the gift of her face lighting up when she saw me, and the way that she called me “Honey”. I loved my Grandma & I knew without a doubt that she loved me as well. I was honored to share the eulogy at the funeral and to help in gathering pictures for the slide show presentation that my niece put together. What a hard and wonderful thing it was doing both of these things! At the funeral my dad’s cousin, Steven Draper, did the dedication at the graveside, and what sticks out the most is when he said that Grandma was blessed with a life well lived. I love that, and it’s so true, she really did have a life well lived! Five children, fourteen grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and four great-great grandchildren, all of whom she adored! She was married to my Granddad Mort for 44 years and loved being a ranch-wife/mom/Grandma.

I’m hoping to get the power point presentation on a disc from Lauren so that I can share that, but wanted to share the eulogy that I wrote to honor Grandma.

I have had a flood of memories come back to me this week as I’ve said goodbye to Grandma Jessie. As I’ve worked on preparing this eulogy & as I’ve looked through boxes of pictures, the memories that I have of Grandma have overwhelmed me. The hardest thing has been in choosing what I’d like to tell you about my Grandmother because there are so many stories I want to share with you!

Jessie White has been one of the biggest influences in my life. Memories of my childhood when the boys & I were growing up with her and Granddad Mort on the ranch in Robertson are some of my favorite. Grandma took every opportunity to spoil Joel, Coby & I. We knew that there would always be a stash of cookies, candy, gum, ice cream, and pop for us at Grandma’s house. She & Joel had their own system worked out where he would ride his pony right up her front steps, knock on the door & she would hand him a sack full of goodies, close the door & then Joel would jump his pony off and be on his way.

As we all know, Grandma was an incredible cook & she loved nothing more than to cook & bake for her friends and family. Jessie White’s pies were legendary & the annual Bull Sale was her time to shine. There was an ongoing debate regarding whether people came for the good bulls or the good food. I think it was a little of both!

Once Grandma knew what your favorite pie or meal was it was a pretty fair bet that the next time she saw you she would have it ready to serve or send home with you. Grandma not only cooked the things that she knew that you loved, but she also made it her personal mission to come up with new ways of cooking what you didn’t like in order to change your mind! Because of Grandma Jessie’s efforts, I no longer hate meatloaf! Cooking for others was how she showed her love. Looking back I also remember the time & care that she would take with us in her kitchen teaching us how to cook & bake. I’m still trying to live up to her standard of pie baking. Memories of baking cookies and candy with Grandma are vivid to me especially this time of year. She was incredibly patient with me, even when we had to quadruple a batch of chocolate chip cookies because I misunderstood how much butter to add! I never felt like I was an inconvenience or that she didn’t have the time for me.

Grandma was also a fixer of all things broken or cut. Toys, clothing, or kids, she could mend or fix just about anything. I can’t tell you the amount of times that the boys and I went to her with cuts, scrapes, bumps and bruises, three kids on a ranch required lots of band aides and hugs. Grandma Jessie’s cure-all was aloe vera for burns & Campho Phenique for everything else, she put it on everything & there was a time that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get rid of that smell because she was using it so often!

The time that probably sticks out the most when Grandma was there for one of us when we were hurt was when Coby had his accident. She was the one who found him stuck in the bailer, after running across the hayfield on old & aching knees, and she was the one who climbed up into the tractor to shut it & the bailer off. She never left Coby’s side as they waited for help, but stayed with him & together they hollered for help until Joel came. Afterwards, when we realized how serious the injuries to Coby’s hand was, I know that she would have given her hand to him if she could. After that she would forever be seen as Coby’s hero and guardian angel.

When we moved to the ranch in Banner Grandma & I were roommates for a while after Grandpa died. I remember late night snacking while watching old movies, looking through recipe books & cooking together. We may have seemed like an odd couple, a college aged girl and a widowed elderly woman, but we were there for one another during a very lonely time for the both of us. One of the funniest memories that I have of that time is when there was a supposed escaped convict hiding in Story, Grandma and I had ourselves so worked up about the possibility of this man finding his way to the ranch that we were nervous wrecks when suddenly there was a knock on the door & both of us screamed at the top of our lungs. One of the boys walked in the house and wondered what in the world had us two girls in such a fright!

The boys & I have so many memories to draw from because of the fact that we grew up with our Grandparents right next door. But the love that Grandma had for each and every one of her children, sons & daughters-in-laws, grandchildren & their spouses great-grandchildren & even great-great-grandchildren was tangible & she never tired of talking about each one of us. She had so much pride for all of our accomplishments, whether it be on the basketball courts, the track field, football field, show ring, classroom, or home, you could see the love and joy her family brought her in her eyes.

Grandma Jessie had such a servant’s heart and she served in so many wonderful ways. Whether it be through her cooking or sewing, or caring for family members, Grandma lived to serve. From taking care of us grandkids whenever needed to caring for Granddad in the last years of his life, to helping with her great-grandson, Tanner, when she was in her 80’s; Grandma loved to give of herself. My prayer is that this is something that I will have received as a heritage from my grandmother, her gifts of love and service.

There will be a huge gap in our lives with the passing of Grandma, she was such a blessing to each and every one of us. We will miss her more than words can say, but I have gained so much comfort in this past week in the realization that Grandma Jessie has left such an amazing heritage in her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren & great-great-grandchildren. She was such a gift to each of us, and we in turn were a gift to her. That’s why I don’t mourn as one with no hope because I know that Jesus welcomed her home with arms wide open and said to her “Well done Thy good and faithful servant”.

I love you Grandma Jessie, and know that someday I'll be reunited with you in heaven. Until then I plan on experiencing "A Life Well Lived" just like you!

Autumn Rest

I had to laugh as I read the invitation on my friend Sue Aughtmon's "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl" blog this morning. She was inviting any bloggers that want their blog to be added to her "League Of Tired Supergirls". This is how she phrased it: "There is one major requirement for getting your blog listed - you must be tired. All perky people who have clean houses and can function on 5 hours of sleep, while helping to improve literacy in our country and becoming fluent in Mandarin, need to find another link list to be on. But, if you love Jesus, need a truckload of grace, long for 9 hours of sleep each night and hanker after a cup or 12 of coffee or strong tea to get you going in the morning, this list is for you!" I said, "Sign me up Sue, 'cause I am one tired Mama!"

I love summer, but it sure does make me tired. In Wyoming we don't get much of a summer because stormy weather can last until June 1st and begin again on Labor Day; as a result we try to cram as much as we possibly can into a three month period. Every weekend had something packed into it whether we were at home or out of town. No wonder I am so tired by the time Fall hits.

There is something restful about Autumn to me; I think that its the combination of cooler weather, lighter schedules, and the fact that God is preparing the land for a time of rest. I've been watching all summer as our neighbors have been working all hours of the day and night to harvest their hay and now their field corn, and I've been enjoying the "veggies of labor" out of the gardens of friends and patients from the PT clinic (no garden of our own yet, but I have great plans!). Nature has been hard at work producing and blooming and bursting forth with life during the Spring and Summer months, and now it's preparing for a rest. More than anything right now, that's what I desire, a rest.

A couple of Sundays ago Pastor Bob gave a great sermon about rest. He shared with us how we strive for so many different things, material possessions, success, significance, pleasure and redemption, and all of this striving has us worn to a frazzle, longing for rest. His sermon has had me thinking all week because I am weary and I am burdened; and I am left to ask myself, what am I striving for that has me so tired and lacking peace?

Is it "stuff"? It sure could be, it seems like I stress over financial problems mainly because it means that I'm unable to get more "stuff". And yet keeping up with all of the "stuff" that we already have is part of what wears me out! Pastor Bob made a very good point that our stuff in and of itself is not bad, its just a matter of whether we have our possessions or if our possessions have us.

Could the thing that's wearing me out be the fact that I am striving for success and significance in this world? I don't think that I am because after all, I'm simply a mom and a part time Physical Therapy Aide, I'm not trying to climb any ladders of success in a high paying career. And yet don't I strive every day to please others, to seek their approval and acceptance, wearing myself out trying to be the perfect image of a wife and mother and yet falling painfully short. Because the more that I try and make things in my life look perfect to others, the more weary and burdened I feel and the more uptight and short tempered I am with those that I love the most. Who am I trying to impress anyway? God isn't impressed at all by the way that I wear myself out trying to do it all, or trying to be someone that I'm not. God has blessed us with different gifts and talents, and I think that it brings Him great joy when we find success in using those talents. There is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence in the job or career that He's placed us in, but is our pursuit of excellence and success wearing us out? And ultimately, shouldn't our significance not come from what our job title is or how big and well kept our house is, and instead come from who we are in Him?

Maybe what is causing me to be so exhausted is a pursuit of pleasure. This can be exhausting, because the pleasure that we pursue is so short lived! Buying that new outfit, or gossiping about that other mom, or watching that TV show that isn't exactly rated G or eating that entire big bag of M & M's can bring a momentary sense of pleasure, but it is so short lived and then replaced by guilt (along with a little extra weight around the middle!). That's the problem with pursuing pleasure, it doesn't last and before it completely fades away we are already seeking another source of it. No wonder it's so exhausting, it's a never ending cycle of pursuit because we are forever discontent. Seeking pleasure in the simple things of life, and allowing God to open our eyes to what true pleasure is, pleasure that lasts a lot longer than the time that it takes to wear an outfit one time or eat an entire bag of M & M's, this kind of pleasure brings peace and rest not exhaustion.

The last thing that is possibly causing me to be weary is the pursuit of redemption. When Pastor Bob mentioned this one I was confused; isn't redemption what we all need? Isn't this something that we should be pursuing in order to find peace from a life of sin? But then Pastor Bob made it more clear by sharing with us that we become weary from seeking redemption when we try and find it on our own, in our own strength, when we pursue redemption and think that we need to find it before we can approach God, this is when we become overwhelmed with the burden of weariness. Because finding redemption without God will never happen. Redemption is something that comes from God and God alone, not anything that we do for ourselves; it's the ultimate gift of grace - receiving something that we haven't done anything to deserve. Because of this I don't need to become overwhelmed or exhausted because it isn't up to me or within our my strength that I find redemption, I rely solely on God.

I love Matthew 11:28 because it speaks right to my weary heart: "Come to me, all you who are

weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I

am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light." To exchange the burdens that are weighing me down for his yoke that is easy

and light, this is what I yearn for, and a gentle and humble heart is what I want to be focused

on, not all of this struggling and striving!

I plan on welcoming Autumn by enjoying a cup of hot cider, baking something with pumpkin &

spice in it, bringing out my Fall decorations, taking a drive up on the mountain to take in the

changing colors and just enjoying the rest that God offers. That and getting ready for a bbq to

celebrate my little guy turning 2 - but I plan to be restful & full of peace while doing it and not

attempting to pull off the best 2-year-old birthday party in the history of birthday parties!

Happy Fall Y'all!

More Than Just A Good Read

It's no secret that I love to read, just ask my family and they will tell you! My dad likes to tell the story of being in the hay field when I was about 13 or 14 when he spotted my bailer stopped in the middle of a windrow of hay, he was sure that I was broke down and came over to see what the trouble was when he saw me sitting on a bale of hay reading a book! I don't need to tell you how much trouble I was in! Books are some of my most treasured possessions, and I am so blessed to have a fairly extensive library of my own as well as enjoying an incredible county library and an awesome library in our church. I will never run out of good reading material!

One of the new electronic gadgets that I just don't understand what all the fuss is about, is the electronic books, like the Kindle. I'm sorry, I know that a lot of people love these things, but I dont' believe that I am ever going to be one of them! There is something about holding a book in your hands, the smell of them, a beautiful book cover, the pages, the fact that it opens up a whole new world for me. There is something about turning the pages of a book that you miss if you are holding a hard piece of plastic and electronics! Give me a good book over today's newest technology!

I love books, I love them because they take me somewhere that I've never been, or they take me to old familiar places that make me feel at home. They take me back in time or they fly me to the future. I rarely read anything other than Christian novels because I have discovered in the last several years that I hunger for books that do more for my soul than just entertain me, I want a book that's more than just a good read. I want to read a novel that teaches me something, a story that helps me to grow, a book that encourages me and literature that strengthens my relationship with God. I realized some time back that there are too many good books and too little time, so I don't want to waste my time by reading something that isn't going to benefit my soul or glorify God.

I just finished a series of books by Lynn Austin entitled "Chronicles Of The Kings". These books were suggested to me by my best friend, Roxanne, who is as avid a reader as I am. The five books take place during the time of the Kings from about 735 B.C. to about 670 B.C., covering the reigns of King Ahaz, his son Hezekiah and his son Mannasseh. I think that God, through Roxy, brought these books to me at just the right time because they have been a huge source of encouragement, a wonderful history/bible lesson and God has used these books to convict my heart of a few things as well. I am always amazed at how God works. He's been trying to tell me a few things over the past several months, but until I read these books, and was able to relate to the characters, specifically King Hezekiah, I just wasn't able to hear what He was telling me.

King Hezekiah had a genuine love for the Lord, and would repeat the Shema (the Shema is the Jewish declaration of One God) throughout his life: "Hear, O Israel, Yahweh (the Lord) is God - Yahweh alone! Love Yahweh your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." The problem that Hezekiah had was that he lacked faith and trust in God. He wanted to trust God, but on his own terms, using man's wisdom instead of trusting that God would take care of him and the nation of Judah. One of the things that struck me the most is that God would prove Himself trustworthy over and over again, in really big and miraculous ways, and yet Hezekiah continually gave into fear and put his trust in his own wisdom and that of an ungodly counselor. This really made an impression on me because I do the same thing over and over again, choosing fear over faith and relying on my own strength and wisdom instead of just trusting God to work in the circumstances of my life. Hezekiah touched my heart and made such an impression on me that I've begun to daily (sometimes several times throughout the day) give over those circumstances to God in faith and I have made a conscience decision to choose to trust God with my and my family's life.

The other character that I was able to relate with was Joshua whose story was told in the last two books of the series. Joshua had grown up with and was best friends with King Manasseh until the King begins to mess with sorcery and witchcraft to guide him and he leads his nation into horrible idolatry and perversion. The King ends up executing Joshua's father and the prophet Isaiah for what he perceives to be conspiracy, and hunts Joshua and the rest of his family down, forcing them and all who followed the One True God to escape to Egypt. Joshua was filled with hate and the all consuming need for revenge and he was left to wonder why God was punishing his family when they had followed Him all their lives. One of my favorite parts of the series was in the 4th book entitled "Faith Of My Fathers" when Joshua was speaking with his old teacher, Rabbi Gershom, who was dying: "You've learned these words...say them with me 'Even though I walk....'" Rabbi Gershom began. "'Through the valley of the shadow of death,'"Joshua recited, "'I will fear no evil, for you are with me....'"

"Yes, Joshua. And now that you and I are walking through that valley, we will learn if it is true. Adversity is the testing ground of our faith. God has to risk losing you forever to your anger and bitterness in order to have you for His true son. Anyone can believe and sing praises on the Temple Mount when the sun is shining, but true praise is sung in the darkest valley when the Accuser tells you to curse God for making you suffer so much pain. If you can still praise your Father's goodness, even in the darkness, then you are His son indeed."

That's some good stuff! I can't quit thinking about the truth of it; how its in the adversities of life, the true testing ground of our faith, that we either find that we are true children of God, or children of this world. Or as I like to say, these are situations where the rubber meets the road in terms of our faith. Are we just going to talk a good talk about our relationship with the Lord, or are we truly going to live it?

I always know that I've read a really good book when I have a period of mourning after I've come to that last page & have read the last word. It's like I've lost a really good friend! And I basically have because I've really connected with the characters of the books, they've become real to me as I become immersed in their stories! Lynn Austin does such a marvelous job with telling these stories; I love historical fiction and have found in the last few years that biblical historical fiction is my absolute favorite because it brings to life men and women of the bible that I wouldn't give much thought to otherwise. I've read the stories of these three kings a few times over the years in 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, as well as the prophets Isaiah and Micah, but until I read these books they didn't seem real to me. Now I see them as real men with real struggles and fears.

Brock and Bodie Thoene have just finished a series of books called the "A.D. Chronicles" that are also biblical historical fiction. They take place during the 30 years that Jesus walked the earth. It's amazing how much I have learned about some minor characters from the New Testament from reading these books. Now, there is some fictional license here, some things that are products of the writer's imagination, but they are based on biblical truth and they give you such a good understanding of the culture and social issues of that time period.

Along with Christian fiction and non-fiction I also love a good western every now and then. Louise L'Amour is a legend and Elmer Kelton is my favorite western author, in fact I almost named my son "Kelton" in his honor. My mother thinks that the main reason for marrying Mike is because my all time favorite book is "Mrs. Mike" by Benedict and Nancy Freedman, the true story of Katherine Mary Flannigan. She always said that I wanted to be a "Mrs. Mike". And then there are Mary O'Hara's books, "Wyoming Summer", "My Friend Flicka" and "Green Grass of Wyoming". These are my classics!

I also really enjoy reading with my children. Kade and I love all of Max Lucado's children's books, "You Are Special", "The Oak Inside The Acorn", and "The Tallest of Smalls" have wonderful messages of affirmation and God's love for us. Hannah and I are taking turns reading to eachother. Right now we're reading "A Wrinkle in Time", which was a favorite of mine when I was her age.

My hope is that soon I will be writing more than reading and that my name will show up on someone's Favorite Book list! I can only pray that what I write will help to encourage, teach and glorify God as much as these books have done!

Springtime in Wyoming

I went for a walk around our property early this morning. It was drizzly and overcast, and I had a hard time finding the motivation to get out of my nice warm bed and put on my jeans and walking shoes. If it weren't for having to take Hannah into town for track practise at 6:30 I don't think that I would have chosen fresh air and exercise over staying in bed. I'm so glad that I did though! It was beautiful; cool but not real cold, and the air was still for a change with none of the wild Wyoming wind that we are getting so tired of. Things are really starting to green up and show signs of new life. I started out my walk with my Ipod, but soon had to turn it off so that I could listen to the song of the Meadowlark (although I do have to say that Ian Tyson's "Big Horns" is the perfect thing to listen to as I walk the hills of Wyoming!)

I realize that I can't say that Springtime is my favorite time of year, because I say the same thing when the lazy warm days of Summer hit, and then again when the weather turns cool and crisp & the colors start to change in the Fall, and I love it when the snow starts to fly and I have cross country skiing and sledding to look forward to! In other words, I love the change of seasons, and that makes me feel extremely blessed to live in Wyoming where we do have different seasons. I couldn't live where the weather was the same all year long (although a week in Hawaii is pretty wonderful too!).

Now Springtime in Wyoming changes from one day to the next. One day it's beautiful and clear and a balmy 60 degrees. The next day (or by that night) the wind can pick up out of the north making me feel like it's going to bring our house to the ground; and if that wind carries snow with it, look out! Three years ago at the end of March we were stuck in our house for three days with no electricity or heat or visibility further than a foot in front of us! The drifts of snow that we had to dig out of were amazing. Snow is never out of the question even into the middle of June. We never know what we're going to get from one day to the next, and I must confess that this is one of the things that I love about Spring!

This morning I felt like I was in Ireland, with the green of the hillsides making a beautiful contrast against the red of the scoria rock that is so prevalent in this area where I live. It was drizzly with a fine mist hanging over and around the hills. As I made my way to the backside of our place I was amazed with how big this country is that I live in. It goes on for miles with no signs of a road or a dwelling place or any other human being. Only the cows and horses and various wildlife to keep me company. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that God saw fit to create this amazing world that we live in, & that He made it so beautiful in it's diversity. He could have created the Universe with one big rubber stamp, with every corner of it exactly the same as the next; He didn't have to bless us with breathtaking scenery and smells and textures that delight our senses, we don't need it to survive. And yet everything that He has made does have the ability to bring us delight if we take the time to take it all in. "You care for the land and water it; You enrich it abundantly. The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with grain, for so you have ordained it. You drench its furrows and level its ridges; you soften it with showers and bless its crops. You crown the year with Your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance. The grasslands of the desert overflow; the hills are covered with gladness. The meadows are covered with flocks and the valleys are mantled with grain; they shout for joy and sing." Psalm 65:9-13. Its apparent to me as I walk these hills that God was intentional in all that He created. I have a hard time understanding how anyone can believe that this was all a beautiful accident. More like a beautiful creation!

I'd love to hear comments about why you love Springtime in the area where you live. I'm partial to Springtime in the Rockies, but I've also been blessed with Springtime in Washington D.C. when the cherry blossoms are in bloom, and I have come to love the Sandhills of Nebraska this time of the year. I've also experienced Springtime in New York City if you can believe it, and the beauty of Central Park was a wonderful surprise to this country bumpkin! So please share with me what Spring is like where you reside!

And here's a special treat, especially for my mother!!

"My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" Book Review

I just finished a really good book. Now this comes as no surprise to those of you who know me, this happens on a daily basis. I am an avid reader, and for anyone who has been to my house you will find that I have 2 to 4 books by my reading chair that I am reading - all at once! But this book is different, this book is special, this book made me put away all of my other books until I was finished. It takes a really good book for me put all other books aside! The title of the book is "My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" by Susanna Foth Aughtmon. Now one of the reasons this book is so special is because the Author is so special to me; Sue is a very dear friend of mine whom I met while living in Arlington, Virginia. We worked together at a specialty Coffee Shop (this is where my addiction for coffee began!). Sue and her family were a big part of my life during this adventure (ranch girl experiences city life). Seeing Jesus alive and active in their lives made me hunger to know Him better. And what I remember best about Sue is that she is funny, very, very funny! Knowing and loving the author is what made me want to read the book, but what I read inside the cover, that's what had me hooked!

This book resonated with me for a couple of reasons; first of all, I like to cut my bangs, and I do an awful job of it, and I have lied to myself on multiple occasions, telling myself and anyone who gave me that odd look with their head tilted to the side, that they weren't that bad. But most of all I love the Truth that Sue shares with the reader, that there is a Liar out there, and He is our enemy! "The Liar is going to try to take you out with his slick words and wormy lies, but you have a secret weapon. That weapon is that you are not alone. You never have been and you never will be. And you can be certain that if the Liar is trying to take you down with his slippery words, Jesus will be shouting out the truth. More than anything else, Jesus wants you to know the truth. And he is on your side."

So many of the lies that Sue spoke about in this book are lies that I have told myself at one point or another: that God is disappointed in me, that God doesn't have a plan for my life, that God can't use me, that God doesn't hear me...... There are so many, but Sue uses wisdom, wit and most importantly the Word of God to assure the reader that these are lies and that God is Truth. So if you need a good dose of truth and you feel like telling Satan that he is a stinky liar, then this book is for you! You can find it at Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/goodbangs

And if you are anxious to read more of Susanna’s take on life, Jesus, raising kids, what it means to be a tired supergirl and chocolate, you can visit her blog at tiredsupergirl.blogspot.com

Also, to all of my Buffalo MOPs Moms out there, don’t forget to leave a comment about why you would like to read a book about bangs and lies here on my blog, or email me at fraley@wbaccess.net for a chance to win a copy of Sue’s two books: “My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself” and “All I Need Is Jesus & A Good Pair of Jeans”.

As for me, I think I’m going to go call my beautician right now before I decide to cut my bangs!!!

Available now at your favorite bookseller from Revel, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Today is Easter. I love Easter, but like all other holidays, my expectations are too high. Let me tell you what my plans for this weekend were: I expected that Friday my family and I were going to be well on our way to Nebraska. I expected to be in our pick-up, loaded down with two kids, two dogs, our luggage, Easter goodies, and a bunch of straw in the back of the pick-up in preparation to bring home 4-H pigs. I was looking forward to cooking with my mom, and joking around with my “little” brother, and visiting with my sister-in-law about raising busy little boys and sweet little girls, and early morning coffee with my dad where we would discuss weather and calving and such. I couldn’t wait to see the baby calves and the new litter of Borgi puppies that my mom’s dog, Maddy, just delivered. I was expecting to have a wonderful Easter with my family. I anticipated Sunday morning Easter services at the little cowboy church that my family attends.

What I did not expect is that a spring snow- storm would hit Buffalo, or that Kade would throw up all over me the night before we were to leave. I didn’t expect that on Friday I would be cleaning up and disinfecting from the flu bug that he brought home from daycare and not driving to Nebraska. Or that Mike would be so overwhelmed with work and we wouldn’t be able to make the pig sale that we were planning on going to on our way to Grandpa and Grandma’s.

The thing about expectations is that they often lead to disappointment. I struggle with high expectations, having a picture in my mind of the way that things should go, and then being disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. I know that I’m not alone in this struggle. I’m sure that there are plenty of Courageous Mommies out there who have those unrealistic expectations that their kids are going to behave beautifully in the grocery store or the restaurant and not throw tantrums. Or how about the expectation that we can leave for a weekend away with the girls and come back to a clean and peaceful home? And then there’s the high expectation of our husbands walking through the door with a bouquet of flowers, kissing us passionately, telling us that they have called a baby sitter and are taking us out to dinner. Yep, we have a load of high expectations that are bound to lead to a pile of disappointment if we allow it to.

During my quiet time the other day I spent some time really pondering the Crucifixion and what exactly it meant, to Jesus, to his disciples, to his enemies, and to me. Calvary is never a comfortable place for me to go to. My ponderings first took me to Palm Sunday, and the “triumphal entry” of Jesus into Jerusalem. The expectations of the disciples at this time were high. I can just imagine the feeling that was in the air as Jesus rode down the streets of Jerusalem; the crowd that day was huge because it was the Passover. There were hundreds of people crowding the streets just trying to catch a glimpse of the healer/teacher that they had heard so much about. The praising, the waving of the palm branches, the fact that the people along the street were throwing their cloaks on the ground in front of the donkey Jesus was riding in honor of “their King”. The expectation was that Jesus was going to take his rightful place as their National leader and He was going to restore the people of Israel to their former glory.

And then later on in the week they meet in an upper room for the Passover supper, what we now know was Jesus’ last supper with the disciples. I believe that these men were expecting a celebration where Jesus would reveal His plans for His kingdom. I think that they had one focus and one focus only, who was going to be standing right beside Jesus and gaining the most glory. They had an argument amongst each other over who was going to be Jesus’ right hand man in this new government. What they didn’t expect was that Jesus would speak of betrayal and denial and death. They didn’t expect Jesus to get down on His knees to wash their feet, He was to be their King for crying out loud, and here He was acting like one of the servants.

Later that night Jesus takes a couple of them to the Garden of Gethsemane, He is overwrought at what is before Him. He needs His friends to stand beside Him, not for words of encouragement, but just for the comfort of their presence, to know that He wasn’t alone yet. They didn’t expect that Jesus would need them that much, that He would agonize to the point of sweating blood, so they fell asleep. And then when the soldiers came to arrest Jesus, they expected a fight. Swords were drawn, blood was drawn and what did Jesus do? He told them to put their weapons away and he healed the enemy. That was unexpected.

They didn’t expect their leader to be arrested, tried and sentenced to death by crucifixion, the death of a rebel or a slave, not of a king. All the while Jesus never once defended Himself. They didn’t expect the torture or the mocking. They didn’t expect that at the end they would desert him, leaving another to help Jesus carry His cross. No, none of this was what they had expected when they began following Jesus, they expected a leader, a warrior, someone who would fight fiercely to free them from the rule of Rome. Jesus did none of this. No, Jesus died on that cross; and along with His death the disciples felt that all of their hopes and dreams had died as well. Their expectations were destroyed and nothing would ever be the same. They were so right.

Because then comes the tomb. Talk about not meeting expectations! By now the followers of Jesus had no expectations at all, in fact they were as low as they had probably ever been. Their expectation was that the enemy had won, Jesus was dead and whatever it was that they thought they had been working towards was finished. The future looked bleak and hopeless. That first Easter morning, when those two women went to Jesus' grave they did not expect to see the stone rolled away and the tomb empty, they didn't expect to hear the news that Jesus was not dead but alive. Alive!! This exceeded any and all of their expectations. And what had seemed like the bleakest and darkest of days, soon turned into the most glorious of days!

This is how He works in my life too. He exceeds my expectations in more ways than I can even begin to describe. I never expected to be so overwhelmed in my love for Jesus and His love for me that it would take my breath away at times. I never expected to know a peace and a joy that goes far beyond whatever the World might offer me. I never expected to be so addicted to His Word that some mornings I wake up at 4:00 so that I can be immersed in it, wanting to know more and more about this Man who gave everything for me. I never expected to feel so deeply for the hurting and the lost that God has put in my path. I never expected redemption in my own life. I never expected Jesus to give everything for me. But He did, and because of this, all of the other expectations that I have are nothing. The thing that I have realized is that my expectations don’t come anywhere close to what it is that the Lord has in mind for my life. I don’t ever want to forfeit what He wants for me because of what my own plans are. Because of Him I am able to put aside all of these expectations and just be. Just be available for whatever adventure it is that God has for me.

This weekend my adventure included taking care of a sick little boy, dying Easter eggs with my family, making the decision that Hannah is going to show market lambs & a heifer instead of pigs this year, and an Easter Church service with my church family that was out of this world! High expectations can lead to so many disappointments, but Jesus never ever disappoints.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

Parenting Ain't for the Faint of Heart!

A few weeks ago our family was invited to take part in a dinner for some of the new families in our Church. Mike was gone on a business trip over the weekend, so the kids and I were on our own. I had a feeling from the very beginning that I was in over my head! Kade was a handful to say the least; there really are no adequate words to describe how naughty my little boy was. I was in a cold sweat the entire time we were there, as Kade screamed, banged on his high chair, kicked the table, threw food on the floor and several times attempted to pull the table cloth off of the beautifully set table we were sitting at. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough after we were finished eating. I called Mike that night and let him know that his mother’s prophecy that someday he would have a son just like himself, had come true! It was a nightmare, and if we lived through it with Hannah I do not remember! Kade is a completely different child than his older sister.

The next day at Church, one of the ladies that sat at the table with us the night before, brought me a book entitled “To Train Up A Child” by Michael & Debi Pearl. She was so worried about offending me, but in the past month I have also been reading a book given to me by a friend called “The Bait Of Satan, Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense” by John Bevere. Both of these books are amazing and I don’t think that it was an accident that I started the John Bevere book before I was given the book on training children! I could have so easily taken offense with this woman and her offer of a parenting book after a not so stellar performance by my son. But because of what the Lord is showing me through this other book I am learning that far too often things that others say and do offend me. I allow that offense to trap me in a place where Satan can have a hay day and I miss out on blessings that God has for me.

So, no, I was not offended by the offer of this very helpful parenting book; instead I was very grateful that someone in my Church Family was brave and loving enough to risk offense and share something that is proving to be a very helpful and informative book on training children. To be perfectly honest, as Hannah’s mommy I was under the illusion that because she was such an easy child, I must be an incredibly good parent. As I looked around at all of those other children who misbehaved I (mistakenly) believed that it was because of bad parenting. It’s not that Hannah was never naughty, it’s just that she was easy & I never had to worry about taking her anywhere. This is not the case with her little brother! I find myself really weighing the options of taking him certain places or leaving him with a sitter. Kade is busy, and he is loud and he makes sure that everyone knows that he is there. He is also very cute and too many times we find ourselves laughing at his antics, which IS NOT helping!! Because you see my son is also smart, and he has come to realize that he gets good reactions from his naughty behavior and I think that he recognizes when I hit that point that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and quiet. I honestly don’t know who it is that needs the training, this child or the rest of his family!

I have now come to the conclusion that, after waiting almost a decade for this child, God is taking me down a notch! I realize that I need to STOP regarding others and myself as good or bad parents, and start looking at parents with grace and compassion. We’re all in the midst of this great adventure called parenting and it takes lots and lots of courage, as well as humility! I need to accept help wherever it is offered. God doesn’t intend for us to do this parenting thing alone, we need one another!

I am also finding myself in a unique position compared to many of my friends; I am dealing with a busy and strong willed toddler at the same time that I am dealing with an emotional 12-year-old daughter who is starting to spread her little wings. I am really beginning to experience the letting go part of parenting with Hannah because as she gets older she is becoming busier and involved in more and more activities that keep her away from me more than before. It’s a scary feeling for this often control freak of a mother! Hannah has come home from school twice in the past few weeks with something that she has “learned” at school from some of the other kids that I am NOT okay with her knowing about. I could jerk her out of school and start homeschooling, putting her in a bubble where she won’t be exposed to all of the things that the world wants to teach her but that I don’t want her to know. I am tempted sometimes. But I also know that Jesus wants her to shine for Him in a world that is growing darker and darker. And one thing I know for certain, Hannah shines for Jesus! I also think that this spreading of wings is an important part of growing up, the key is to know the rate of speed that this process is suppose to take! I believe that we need to allow her to spread her wings, but to do so at an appropriate speed. She’s discovered that she kind of likes boys this year, but we’ve also realized that she is NOT ready to “go with” boys yet like some of her friends are doing (the question that parents have been asking for years is what exactly does “going with” each other really mean? My dad asked me when I was in Jr. High, and now I’m asking Hannah! That’s a topic for another blog!). And the ongoing struggle with emotions and hormones at this age is exhausting for all of us! Poor Mike has looked like a deer in the headlights when Hannah begins to cry for no apparent reason. It’s just another phase of life that we need to continually seek wisdom for.

I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day about how frustrated she was with some of the battles going on with her children and that she just wished that there was a book out there that she could open up and find all the answers she needed for parenting. I told her that there was a book out there with all of the answers; it’s called the Bible!

I will always remember when my friend and mentor, Linda, led me to the book of James when Hannah was little and I was needing some wisdom in child rearing (see Hannah wasn’t easy all the time!). James 1:5 says: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. What better parenting manual is there than God’s Word? I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wisdom and guidance that I get from the Bible, for any circumstance imaginable, from dealing with outside influences teaching my daughter about things that aren’t benefitting her, to patience with little boys that like to play in the toilet and throw food at their mommies. Parenting is not for faint of heart, and we can't afford to let our guard down for a minute, there's too much at stake. If nothing else I find comfort and peace in what I read in God's Word, and a certainty that I am not alone, that God is involved in this parenting adventure, at all ages and stages.

Finding Simplicity in the Midst of Chaos and Stuff

It's been awhile since I've been able to post anything on my Blog because we've had some computer trouble in the Fraley household; Hannah holding Kade while drinking a bottle of water and playing on the computer does not a good combination make! But God is good and the computer was under warranty and now I am able to catch up!

I had started to write something about the New Year when my computer got sick, and although we are now well on our way into the second month of the New Year, I still have so many thoughts that are swimming in my head about new beginnings, and hopefulness. Actually my meanderings have changed a bit in the month since 2010 began. I think that the New Year is always so full of hope and potential; we make New Year's resolutions, meaning that we resolve to change some things in our lives, try some new things and maybe quit some things that we feel are bringing us down. I love the idea of new beginnings, of a clean slate and a fresh start. However, now that it's the beginning of February, about half of those resolutions have already been busted! One thing that I've learned in my journey with the Lord is the fact that I don't need to look to January 1st in order to have those new beginnings, I can do it on February 6th or June 8th or October 6th, it doesn't matter when or where we are, God is the God of new beginnings and fresh starts!

The main New Year's resolution that I made for 2010 was: Simplify, Simplify, Simplify! My parents even gave me a sign with this one word on it for Christmas, and I have it hanging over a doorway as a constant reminder that I want to unclutter my life! I've begun with the guest room, which actually should be renamed the "throw all room" for this is where I "throw all" that I don't know what to do with! Then it's on to the kid's rooms and finally Mike's and my closet. It was embarrassing how much I have accumulated and the sad thing is that I've de-cluttered several times over the years, but it seems that once I get rid of stuff I give myself permission to get more stuff. It's a never ending cycle of craziness! Well, in the midst of going through and throwing out and putting aside to give away, I found this cool little book called "Simplify Your Life... 100 Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy the Things That Really Matter". Pretty appropriate don't you think?

I've enjoyed reading this short little book, and have come to the realization that my life is more simple than I thought! So many of the suggestions that the author made are things that I already implement. Part of the reason for this is because of where we live, we enjoy a simple and slow lifestyle on the ranges of Wyoming, we really don't have much of a choice! Another reason is because of the way that I was raised, the simple ways of life on a ranch. There is also the economy to take into consideration right now. Simple living is as much out of necessity rather than choice right now. I refuse to be discouraged about how carefully we have to budget our income, and instead I choose to look at it as a challenge and an adventure! I've been reading a lot lately about the Great Depression, and rather than become fearful and discouraged, I am heartened by the courage and fortitude that our grandparents and great-grandparents had in not just surviving hard-times, but thriving despite them!

So I'm finding that my role as a courageous mommy in the beginning of 2010 is in creating peace through simplicity for my family, enjoying the small pleasures in life. Like a walk with Kade where everything is new a incredible to his 16-month-old senses, or having a heart to heart with Hannah about how good God is in the midst of hardship and how He never ever changes or grows weary, cuddling with my handsome husband on the couch as we watch t.v. or do our Bible Study together, having a strong cup of coffee with sweet friends who love me enough to take me as I am, a phone conversation with my mother who is always available with a ready ear and a loving heart. Or in enjoying the first light of day as I spend time with God in the morning. Who needs stuff and busyness and chaos when a heart can enjoy the quiet peace of knowing that God has everything under control?

My wish for everyone in 2010 is this same thing, a quiet simplicity that brings about peace in the midst of life's storms. And maybe a stash of chocolate somewhere in all of that simplicity!