Roots and Wings

                Milestones aren’t always fun…..sometimes they are hard and sad and heartbreaking and exciting and joyful and victorious all at once.  We have had some milestones in our house over the last two weeks…..first Kade started the second grade, I took Hannah to school at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, and she turned 19 on her first day of College.   For me all of these various emotions are just plain exhausting!!  I have to admit that I am not a huge fan of change…..I will avoid it at all costs.  But let’s face it, reality has shown me over the years that whether I like change or not it is going to happen to all of us.  A few years ago I posted about Roots and Wings when Hannah went on a trip out of the country as an 8^th grader and I faced some anxiety about it.   I remembered this sign in my Aunt Linda's house:  “Two gifts that we give to our children are roots and wings”….it has always made a huge impression in my life, especially as I learned this week that my cousin gave it to my Aunt as a gift when she graduated from High School.

I can’t help but remember this day 19 years ago….I held this precious baby girl in my arms and had so many emotions raging through my head, heart and body.  Mainly absolute terror!  Here was this precious little baby, so innocent and new and fresh; how in the world were I and her father supposed to protect her, train her, raise her, love her, discipline her for 19 years until she was on her own?  I remember bringing Hannah home and saying to myself ”What were they thinking at the hospital?  Why in the world would they send this new life home with me when I have no idea what I am doing?!”  I think back to taking her to a picnic on Labor Day weekend when she was two days old and had some older ladies scold me for having her out so soon (meanwhile my own mother was more concerned with my own physical well-being than my baby’s because “babies are so resilient”…that’s a mother for you).  I remember the first time that I put her in a car seat for the 30 minute car ride back to Cody for her first well-baby check and forgot to buckle her into the car.  I bawled to my mother for 45 minutes, sure that someone would want to take her away from me!  I remember the weeks of trying to nurse her and failing miserably…..literally miserable (some of you Mamas know exactly what I am talking about!), thinking that I was a complete failure as a mother.  And those thoughts didn’t leave through the years, those feelings of failure continued to plague me for 19 years (especially during those super fun pre-teen and teenage years when makeup and boys and curfews were involved); but here is the thing….these 19 years have also been filled with unbelievable joy and fulfillment and contentment and blessing in being Hannah MacCarrie Fraley’s mother.  Not only do I remember all of those feelings of fear and failure, I remember looking into those deep blue eyes and thinking “This….this is what I was born to do.  I was born to be her mother.”  And if God had intended for Hannah to be Mike’s and my child, then He certainly has equipped us all of these years.  Including these past few days when all of the years  and love and emotion that Mike and I have invested in our girl comes down to the end of the road this well traveled road....well not really the end of the road, we all know that she will still be calling for advice and will still need the support and love of her parents; but our role as her parents has drastically changed.

  I have learned a few things as I have prepared to  take Hannah to college.  First of all, no matter how well we prepare ourselves as parents, we are never really prepared!   If we do our job right, they are prepared, but we aren’t.  Maybe I’m speaking more as a mother of a first child leaving for college…..no matter how much I prayed and read and spoke to Mike and myself about how we were ready…..I was not ready to say goodbye…..and I really do think that that is ok…..as long as it doesn’t get weird.  There is an appropriate sadness that I think is ok to go through. When I took Hannah to school…four hours away….I hung around for a few days.  Some of my friends  didn’t make the trek to college, some stayed for just that day, some stayed for longer.  I admit that because Hannah’s first day of college was also her birthday I was prepared to stay for a week!  But common sense (and my husband along with a good friend) suggested otherwise.  Regardless….it’s all ok!  If we are sensitive to our kids that are going to college we will know how long they need us, and if they are ready to kick us out, or if they want us to hang around for awhile….it’s all ok!  I know that for Hannah and I, we were both were comfortable with her experience in moving into the dorms, making new friends as well as catching up with old friends.  I had no doubt that she was just fine where she was and I saw God’s Hand in so much of this new transition.  And yet we weren’t ready to say goodbye for a few days.   The fact of the matter is that Hannah and I actually love one another’s company!  So when I finally left, it was after spending some time with a precious young lady that I truly and thoroughly love being with and appreciate and consider a friend and confidant ….. not in fear or anxiety of how she would survive and cope without her father and I; but in confidence that God, Mike and I had prepared her for this next phase of her journey.  And although Hannah was not ready for me to leave, she wasn’t fearful or anxious, she was just sad to see her Mom go. 

God has been so good at directing and preparing us for this transition.  I think that Pastor William and Pastor Stephen’s sermons the past few weeks on “Wesley on Money” has actually prepared me to let my girl go.  I know it sounds a little off topic to talk about our kids leaving for College in terms of how we are supposed to use our gifts and money….and yet aren’t our children our greatest gifts?  This sermon series has prepared me to let my girl go (as well as convicting me on how I view our finances).  As I said today in a Facebook Post to Hannah Mac on her Birthday…..”Happy Birthday to my Sunshine Girl!!  For 19 years you have brought love and laughter, music and beauty, into our lives.  It’s so hard that we are celebrating YOU from a distance, but God never intended for us to keep all of that sunshine to ourselves….He wants you to spread it around!”   Hannah is on loan to Mike and I, and He has great plans for her life (Jeremiah 29:11); we were never intended to keep her all to ourselves.  And because of that I have no fear…..just sadness at the change in our family dynamics as I will enjoy a really great cup of coffee and quiet time without my girl…..but I am praying that as she ventures on her own she will be blessed by her very own really great cup of coffee and quiet time at UW!!   She has very deep roots and therefore is ready to fly!

 

Jana M. Fraley

“Teach me, Oh Lord, to follow Your decrees.” PsaLm 119:33

I Am My Mother's Daughter. I Am My Daughter's Mother

Yesterday I stood in front of the Mother’s Day and Graduation card section at Walmart and burst into tears.  Why in the world do they have those cards right beside each other?!  There was no controlling it, I was overcome with a sense of loss and change and deep sadness.  I’ve been trying to hold it together for the past week as I have realized that my role as a Mother and a Daughter has completely turned upside down and inside out; it has changed and because of that I have changed.  And yet, now that my tears have subsided….for now….and I face my first Mother’s Day without my mother and as I prepare my heart to watch my first born graduate I am left contemplating what my Mother and Daughter have taught me, how their lives have helped to shape and mold my own.  These two women (I can’t believe that I am actually referring to my daughter as a “woman”) have had such enormous impacts in my life and I would not be the woman that I am if it weren’t for them.

 I have learned from both Mom and Hannah the fine art of laughing at myself.  Times when I would rather cry or dig a hole to hide in, they have both been an example of how not to take myself too seriously.  Life would be dull and colorless if it weren’t for the spilled coffee or chocolate sauce on our white shirts or the times that we’ve tripped and managed to catch ourselves just before hitting the ground with our faces.  How boring would it be without the toilet paper hanging from our panty hose at weddings, or the times we’ve accidentally found ourselves in the men’s bathroom instead of the women’s?  The ability to laugh at our mistakes and blunders only adds to the beauty of our days, it doesn’t diminish it.

My Mother and Daughter have also each brought music into my life.  I cherish the memories that I have of Mom and I doing dishes together “harmonizing” to “Rocky Top” or “Country Roads”….it wasn’t until I was an adult and able to laugh at myself that I realized that it isn’t really harmonizing when one person isn’t able to carry a tune in a bucket!   I loved it when she would bring out her guitar and sing for the boys and me, or share songs that she and her Dad used to sing together.  I’ll never forget when she introduced me to the music that she loved as a child and a young adult, listening to her old records and singing songs like “Three Wheels On My Wagon” are some of the best and dearest memories my brothers and I have.  The love of music that she and her granddaughter shared was a precious gift to both of them.  I’ll never forget how excited she was when she discovered that she finally had someone to harmonize with!  The days of cleaning up the kitchen had a whole new level of joy once she and Hannah began singing together.  And the music that my sweet daughter has brought into our house has brought immeasurable joy, not to mention the way that her face lights up whenever she is making music or sharing her gift with other people.  The joy she has felt and exudes each time she performs is contagious and blesses my heart.  They both have taught me that you don’t have to have the voice of an angel, or any musical ability at all in order to receive and enjoy the gift of music.

Mom and Hannah have each taught me about grace.  It’s one thing to read about God’s grace or to hear about it in a sermon, but to actually see grace lived out in someone’s life…that is a beautiful thing to experience.  At different times and stages in my life I have been shown and showered with grace by my Mom and my Daughter.  It’s not been so terribly long ago that I can’t remember what being a teenager was like….those years were full of selfishness and insecurities and hurt feelings and hurting other people’s feelings.  Yet through all of my messy and sometimes ugly teenage years I was given grace by a mother that loved me unconditionally and who taught me that my true identity came from the Lord who had created me and gave me gifts and talents and characteristics that made me unique and precious.  I didn’t have to earn her love I just had it.  I learned during those years that no matter how ugly or inadequate I felt, knowing that my Mother loved me and thought that I was beautiful and full of potential was enough for me.  I’ve tried to gift this same grace to Hannah, but more often than not over the last 18 ½ years my daughter has taught me about grace.  Forgiving me when I have failed as a Mom, overlooking my shortcomings and instead focusing on what I’ve done right over the years for she and Kade.  She and her grandmother have always been my biggest supporters and cheerleaders.  Both of them have encouraged me to not let go of my own dreams and goals, but to keep on chasing them.  And they each have shown me the beauty and joy of extending grace to those around me.

 Lastly my Mother and Daughter have shown me the importance of having a right perspective in life.  Because life is hard and messy at times, full of disappointments and sorrow and regret.  But life is also beautiful and full of joy and victories and purpose.  Something that my Mom would always say about herself was that she was an “optimistic realist”.  She wasn’t a Pollyanna, she didn’t look at life like nothing bad could ever happen as long as you just lived the right way or did the right things.  She was a ranch wife….she knew that life could be tough and sometimes not turn out the way that you wanted or expected it to.  But Life was still good and at the end of the day when you go to God with all that you are blessed with, you can’t help but be thankful.   She taught me that all of the hard things in life just kind of fade away in the light of eternity and God’s plan for each of us.  And the fact that the Lord does indeed have the power to work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28); the realist side of her would say that this doesn’t mean that all things are good, but it does mean that God has the ability to take even the most tragic of circumstances and turn them into something beautiful and useful for our good and His glory.  And Hannah has been such an example of this!  She has faced many great victories but also some pretty tough disappointments in her 18 years.  There have been things that she has worked so hard for and found herself coming up short.  I have watched as she has discovered that she could allow those disappointments to destroy and take away something of value to her, or she could just put her nose to the grindstone, keep on working hard and forge ahead to the next thing, refusing to give up or give in to self-doubt or pity.  I’ve seen how my girl has weighed those disappointments in life on a godly scale, not a worldly one…. determining whether or not in the grand scheme of life it really mattered.  I’ve watched as she has maturely let some things and some people go who have not had a good influence on her soul.  Hannah and my Mom have taught me that life is precious and too short to allow things into our lives that steal joy and keep our character stunted. 

 As I reflect early on this Mother’s Day morning I am struck with the realization that I am the Mother that I am because of these two precious women in my life.  Even though I ache deeply with missing my Mom, and as I prepare my heart to watch my Daughter go out on her own, I am overcome with joy and awe at just how blessed I am.  Happy Mother’s Day to my sweet Mama in heaven and to all of the other women in my life who have blessed me!!

“Her children arise and call her blessed.” Proverbs 31:28

Roots and Wings

My Aunt Linda has a sign that has hung in her bathroom for as long as I can remember, it says something like this: "Two of the greatest gifts that we can give to our children are roots and wings." As a kid growing up and visiting my Aunt and Uncle I didn't get it.  Roots and wings?  What was the significance of giving your kids roots and wings?  I really didn't think that I would be too thrilled if my parents gave me a gift wrapped tree root for my birthday or an eagle feather in my Christmas stocking! When Mike and I got married we moved closer to my Aunt Linda and when Hannah was born it was my Aunt who watched her when I went back to work.  By that time I realized that the sign wasn't referring to literal roots and wings, but figurative ones because these are the gifts that my Mom & Dad gave to me!  If  parents raise their kids with the deep roots of faith, love, family, moral and ethical values that give children the foundation and courage they need then when the time is right they can give their children the gift of wings as they prepare to "fly the coop" and venture out on their own.  The reality of these words have never meant more to me than they have in the past year.

 Two and a half weeks ago Mike, Kade and I kissed Hannah goodbye and sent her on a bus with 19 other classmates and two teachers. They were headed to Denver and then getting on a plane and heading to Costa Rica. My 14-year-old daughter was leaving the country - without her father or I!  Trust me when I say that it took me two years to get used to the idea of her going so far away without us.  This is a trip that the Junior High 8th grade class has been doing for years.  Up to 20 kids are selected in the spring of their 7th grade year, spend a year raising the money to go and then spend about 10 days in this beautiful country studying the environment, ecology and the people.  It's an amazing opportunity for these kids, most of whom have never left the United States.  But as a parent of a 6th and even 7th grader, the idea of it is just a tad overwhelming!  Last spring we found out that Hannah had been one of the 20 kids selected to go on this huge trip.  She was beyond excited, I was beyond terrified!  Every possible scenario that had a horrible ending went through my mind; everything from the plane going down over the ocean, to her contracting some horrible sickness from the bugs and critters over there!  I even got my passport right alongside her on the off chance that she was going to need her mother to fly to Costa Rica and bring her home because she was so homesick! (ok, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration; I did get my passport just in case there was an accident or an illness that would require me to bring her home, but I knew without a doubt that she was not going to be homesick!).

 As the summer months filled up with money making activities, I began to settle down a little and really become excited for her.  I knew that the experience of visiting another country was going to be incredible, but even the process of getting there was proving to be filled with invaluable life lessons!  Like when we ordered the Costa Rican coffee that she sold.  When she had to actually pay for the coffee out of the money she had already earned she cried, not understanding why she had to fork over such a large summ of money when the whole idea was to raise it, not spend it!  A few weeks later I informed her that any coffe she sold from that point on was pure profit; that was an "aha moment"!  And she worked her little hiney off raising the $3,000 dollars needed for the trip. She cleaned yards, houses, and doggy doodoo.  She helped with parking at a soccer tournament.  She sold sandwhiches at the local IGA.  She babysat and filed for a law office.  She cleaned her Dad's office.  She cowboyed for her Grandpa.  She sold raffle tickets for a painting and her extra 4-H pig (which, by the way, was the most painful thing she did to raise funds!).  She learned the value of having a goal and making a plan to reach it.

And then there was the planning and the anticipation that consumed an entire year!  One day a few months ago out of the blue, Hannah looked at me and said, "Can you believe how incredibly blessed I am  to be 14-years-old and going out of the country with my best friends!"  Yes Hannah, it is indeed a blessing!  About a month before she left we had a parent meeting where immunizations were given, passports were checked and prescriptions for anti-malaria medication were discussed.  It became very real at that point!!

Hannah will need to share her experiences with a post and pictures sometime real soon; it was a pretty amazing adventure!  The point of my writing today is from the view point of a parent gifting her child with roots and wings.  Both are so important to the growth and maturity of our children, but it's a balance.  You can't give one and not the other, not if we want our kids to become strong members of society who will make their own way on this journey of life, influencing those who they come into contact with for the better.  If we give one without the other we will either end up with children who are strongly tied to their families and homes, but don't have the courage, self assurance and wisdom to venture out on their own.  If we give them their wings too soon then we will have children who will be bombared by a society that will eat them alive.  I think that it's such a temptation to go to the extreme one way or the other.  On one hand to try and keep our kids tied to us for as long as possible, wanting to protect them, keeping them safe from all of the scary stuff out there in the real world.  Sometimes it's with the misconception that if we keep them grounded with strong roots but no wings then we are protecting them from anything that might harm them.  But then we clip their wings and stunt their growth and keep them from all of the wonderful things that God has in store for them.  I read once that our biggest responsiblity to our children is not in keeping them safe, but in preparing them for the life that God has prepared for them, to give them the courage to figure out who they are, where they are going and what kind of an impact they are going to make in our world and for Him and His glory.  On the flip side, I see far too many kids that have been given their wings entirely too soon, before they are ready and have the knowledge and resources needed to know how to use their wings appropriately.  We see kids who are too eager to grow up and leave home and try and tackle life's responsibiities on their own.  That's a train wreck waiting to happen if you ask me.

It's a balance and I'm learning to walk that fine line.  Again, I look to God and His word to give me wisdom in knowing when to gift my children with roots, holding them back until they are ready, and when to go ahead and let them try their wings a little!  James 1:5 tells us to ask Him for wisdom whenever we want, and He will give it and not hold back!  I don't need to worry about lacking in the wisdom department, because God gives it away generously!  I am so thankful for that, and thankful for my children who are continueing to teach me these great lessons.  And thankful for parents who gifted me with roots and wings.  And thankful for the sign that still hangs in my Aunt Linda's bathroom to remind me that some of the greatest gifts that we give our kids have no price tags and require no gift wrapping!

Parenting Ain't for the Faint of Heart!

A few weeks ago our family was invited to take part in a dinner for some of the new families in our Church. Mike was gone on a business trip over the weekend, so the kids and I were on our own. I had a feeling from the very beginning that I was in over my head! Kade was a handful to say the least; there really are no adequate words to describe how naughty my little boy was. I was in a cold sweat the entire time we were there, as Kade screamed, banged on his high chair, kicked the table, threw food on the floor and several times attempted to pull the table cloth off of the beautifully set table we were sitting at. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough after we were finished eating. I called Mike that night and let him know that his mother’s prophecy that someday he would have a son just like himself, had come true! It was a nightmare, and if we lived through it with Hannah I do not remember! Kade is a completely different child than his older sister.

The next day at Church, one of the ladies that sat at the table with us the night before, brought me a book entitled “To Train Up A Child” by Michael & Debi Pearl. She was so worried about offending me, but in the past month I have also been reading a book given to me by a friend called “The Bait Of Satan, Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense” by John Bevere. Both of these books are amazing and I don’t think that it was an accident that I started the John Bevere book before I was given the book on training children! I could have so easily taken offense with this woman and her offer of a parenting book after a not so stellar performance by my son. But because of what the Lord is showing me through this other book I am learning that far too often things that others say and do offend me. I allow that offense to trap me in a place where Satan can have a hay day and I miss out on blessings that God has for me.

So, no, I was not offended by the offer of this very helpful parenting book; instead I was very grateful that someone in my Church Family was brave and loving enough to risk offense and share something that is proving to be a very helpful and informative book on training children. To be perfectly honest, as Hannah’s mommy I was under the illusion that because she was such an easy child, I must be an incredibly good parent. As I looked around at all of those other children who misbehaved I (mistakenly) believed that it was because of bad parenting. It’s not that Hannah was never naughty, it’s just that she was easy & I never had to worry about taking her anywhere. This is not the case with her little brother! I find myself really weighing the options of taking him certain places or leaving him with a sitter. Kade is busy, and he is loud and he makes sure that everyone knows that he is there. He is also very cute and too many times we find ourselves laughing at his antics, which IS NOT helping!! Because you see my son is also smart, and he has come to realize that he gets good reactions from his naughty behavior and I think that he recognizes when I hit that point that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and quiet. I honestly don’t know who it is that needs the training, this child or the rest of his family!

I have now come to the conclusion that, after waiting almost a decade for this child, God is taking me down a notch! I realize that I need to STOP regarding others and myself as good or bad parents, and start looking at parents with grace and compassion. We’re all in the midst of this great adventure called parenting and it takes lots and lots of courage, as well as humility! I need to accept help wherever it is offered. God doesn’t intend for us to do this parenting thing alone, we need one another!

I am also finding myself in a unique position compared to many of my friends; I am dealing with a busy and strong willed toddler at the same time that I am dealing with an emotional 12-year-old daughter who is starting to spread her little wings. I am really beginning to experience the letting go part of parenting with Hannah because as she gets older she is becoming busier and involved in more and more activities that keep her away from me more than before. It’s a scary feeling for this often control freak of a mother! Hannah has come home from school twice in the past few weeks with something that she has “learned” at school from some of the other kids that I am NOT okay with her knowing about. I could jerk her out of school and start homeschooling, putting her in a bubble where she won’t be exposed to all of the things that the world wants to teach her but that I don’t want her to know. I am tempted sometimes. But I also know that Jesus wants her to shine for Him in a world that is growing darker and darker. And one thing I know for certain, Hannah shines for Jesus! I also think that this spreading of wings is an important part of growing up, the key is to know the rate of speed that this process is suppose to take! I believe that we need to allow her to spread her wings, but to do so at an appropriate speed. She’s discovered that she kind of likes boys this year, but we’ve also realized that she is NOT ready to “go with” boys yet like some of her friends are doing (the question that parents have been asking for years is what exactly does “going with” each other really mean? My dad asked me when I was in Jr. High, and now I’m asking Hannah! That’s a topic for another blog!). And the ongoing struggle with emotions and hormones at this age is exhausting for all of us! Poor Mike has looked like a deer in the headlights when Hannah begins to cry for no apparent reason. It’s just another phase of life that we need to continually seek wisdom for.

I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day about how frustrated she was with some of the battles going on with her children and that she just wished that there was a book out there that she could open up and find all the answers she needed for parenting. I told her that there was a book out there with all of the answers; it’s called the Bible!

I will always remember when my friend and mentor, Linda, led me to the book of James when Hannah was little and I was needing some wisdom in child rearing (see Hannah wasn’t easy all the time!). James 1:5 says: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. What better parenting manual is there than God’s Word? I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wisdom and guidance that I get from the Bible, for any circumstance imaginable, from dealing with outside influences teaching my daughter about things that aren’t benefitting her, to patience with little boys that like to play in the toilet and throw food at their mommies. Parenting is not for faint of heart, and we can't afford to let our guard down for a minute, there's too much at stake. If nothing else I find comfort and peace in what I read in God's Word, and a certainty that I am not alone, that God is involved in this parenting adventure, at all ages and stages.

A Fall of Firsts

I love Fall!! I know that I wrote a few months ago about how much I love summer, and it's true, I do love summertime. I love all of the seasons, mainly I love the change of seasons, which means that Wyoming is the perfect state for me to live in! In my heart of hearts, though, Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors and the smells and the cool, crisp feel of Autumn. Now that Fall is almost over, I find myself reflecting over how many firsts we experienced in the last three months. There have been a lot of 'em!

The "first 1st" was Kade's birthday! He turned 1 on September 28th. What a celebration that was! To think that a year earlier my little man came into this world in a burst of energy! The doctor told Mike and I that it was the first time in the many years of delivering babies that one fought so hard to make his way out into the world!

For those of you who don't know our story; Mike, Hannah, and I waited and prayed for 9 1/2 years for this newest member of our family. He was a much anticipated baby! When people realize the 11 year span between our two kids, they give me a knowing smile and want to know if Kade was an accident. I love telling them that he was an amazing surprise, but in no way was he an accident! God knew exactly what He was doing making us wait for this answered prayer! At the beginning of my pregnancy we also had quite the scare when I had a cyst on my ovary that burst. Mike rushed me to the ER two days after we found out that I was finally pregnant. The doctor initially thought that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and we were told that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. We were broken hearted. But rather than administering the medication that would terminate the pregnancy, the doctor on call (I refer to him as one of Kade's Angels!) chose to send me to Sheridan and my regular OB/GYN, where it was discovered that I had the cyst and it was not a tubal pregnancy. What cause for celebration that was! Struggling with infertility for all of those years was heartbreaking for both Mike and I, but it gave us the opportunity to choose to trust in God. My faith grew and was strengthened because of my heartbreak, not in spite of it. And that day when I finally held my baby boy in my arms was the end result of years of choosing trust over despair.

Kade's 1st birthday was a big event, complete with cupcakes and birthday hats and gifts. The thing that struck me the most, though was the fact that my little boy was surrounded by people who love him and who had spent years praying with us for this beautiful little boy! He was completely enveloped in love.

Other Firsts this Fall:

Hannah's first Jr. High Dance!

Kade's first haircut

Hannah's first hunt!!

12th Birthdays and Braving Slumber Parties

Hannah Mac turned 12 on August 29^th, and this birthday marked a first for me in the endeavors of motherhood; a slumber party involving 7 young girls ages 9 to 12.  Now let me precede this with the reasons why I have not attempted a slumber party up to this point: First of all, I am easily over-stimulated and our house is small, a one level ranch-style home, with Hannah’s room directly across from ours.  Imagining the amount of noise that a group of pre-teen girls can make is very frightening to me!  Second of all Mike and I like to sleep, and we are the early to bed type, I know what goes on at these slumber parties, and “slumber” isn’t high on the list of activities!  And last of all, what in the world do you do w/ a group of 4^th to 7^th grade girls to keep them entertained and all getting along?  I tell you slumber parties have always been on my list of most frightening experiences; I have always had the utmost respect & admiration for those moms who host slumber parties on a regular basis, but I am not one of them. 

     And then Hannah turned 12 and requested a slumber party; what choice did I have when this girl of mine, who rarely requests anything, specifically asked for a slumber party?  So I laid aside my fears and called my best friend Erika.  Erika is the Queen of kid parties of any kind, including those for pre-adolescent, giggly, emotional young girls; I needed her support as well as any and all ideas that she could give me!

     This ended up being a 24-hour birthday party, complete with a treasure hunt, a variety show, ice cream sundaes, and ending with a day at the lake.  I survived it, and more than that I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t know how soon it’ll be before I’m ready for another one, but I think that I am now brave enough to try it again.

I planned on writing something sentimental and insightful about my little girl becoming another year older, and then I found a treasure as Hannah and I were looking through her 1^st Year Scrapbook.  It was an article that my mother wrote right after Hannah was born and right before my 26^th birthday for her column “At Home on the Range with Jody”.  It brought tears to my eyes and I thought that this would be appropriate to share with all of you now, 12 years later:

      “A New Grandma Reflects” by Jody White

     It seems like just yesterday that the doctor held you up for me to see and announced “It’s a girl”, or that I held you in my arms and rocked you while looking into those beautiful blue eyes and just loving you so much, thanking God that He had given you to us. 

     Jana, we remember your first tooth, and your first day of kindergarten.  Your father and I remember, along with your first tooth and kindergarten, your first pair of cowboy boots, and your first horse, very important rites of passage in the life of a ranch kid.  And we remember our reaction the night you told us you were asked on your very first date.  And all those subsequent nights after, that I stayed up waiting for you so we could talk.  I remember pigtails and toothless grins, proms, boyfriends, queen try-outs, victories and disappointments, and your high school graduation.  And your dad especially remembers that day when Mike asked for your hand in marriage.  What a sweet and old-fashioned thing to do.  And then a wedding; I especially remember when the pastor asked “And who gives this bride away?”  And your dad, with tears in his eyes, answered, “Her mother, her brothers and I do”.  A bittersweet time.  But in return we got a wonderful son-in-law and the knowledge that our daughter was going to be very well loved.  And loved not only by her husband but by his family too.

     And now as I look down at the little bundle in my arms and into bottomless blue eyes, very much like her mother’s, something indescribable wells up inside me.  Her tiny fingers wrap tightly around my own, and in that little gesture she wraps herself securely around my heart.

     Little Hannah, I hope you realize how well and how completely you are loved.  You are, shall I say very snugly wrapped in family.  From Grandmas and Grandpas, Great Grandmas and Grandpas, aunts and uncles, cousins, Godparents, and of course your Mommy and Daddy, you are loved.  Even the little community you live in, where you have been nicknamed “Holy Hannah!!” has welcomed you with open arms.  I wonder how old you will be when either your Grandpa White or your Grandpa Fraley puts you on a horse to move cattle?

     You know I also think back to when your mother told me after reading the book “Mrs. Mike” for the third time, that someday she was going to be a Mrs. Mike.  And who would ever have thought that that’s exactly what would happen!  Amazing! I am also amazed as I watch your Grandpa kiss and fuss over you, or Joel and Coby scoop you up in their arms, feed and change you.  Are these my men??  What wonderful qualities you have brought out in them.  And it has given me a glimpse into what they might be as fathers.  Thank you for the sneak preview. 

     And to think I’m a Grandma.  A Grandma!!  Wow!  What an awesome responsibility.  And although your mother and I thought you were a “Hank” right up to delivery, we couldn’t be more tickled that you’re a Hannah!”

     

End of Summer Meanderings

          

  Camping in the Big Horns
Kade enjoying his first Smore!

Relaxin' on the mountain

Hangin' out at the Buffalo pool

Fishin' buddies

Kade's 1st Fly Fishing lesson

Well, it's time to get caught up on my meanderings, I'm a good month behind on a few things that I wanted to share!  First of all I can't believe that summer is officially over; it went so fast and furious, I wonder if I was truly able to enjoy it.  But I do have to say that I am ready for Fall; which is honestly my favorite time of the year, the colors, the smells, the cool, crisp air, hunting in the Big Horns and my birthday!  But before I am able to begin sharing the Fall happenings of the Fraley Four I suppose that I should finish w/ our summer activities!  

August was of course filled with fairs, and once that was over we had the start of school to look forward to.  It's always so bittersweet to see school begin, I know that I'm going to miss having Hannah with me all day, and yet I look forward to the routine that the school year brings.  People are always asking the standard "How was your summer" and I always answer with the typical "It was good but fast".  I have to ask myself, how was our summer, really; and I have to say that it was good.  We made good family memories, Kade's first camping trip, Hannah's first time away at church camp, lots of fishing and playing at the lake, time spent with family.  We may not have done as much traveling as we have done in years past, but we managed to have plenty of adventures right around here.

So now Hannah has started the 6th grade, that means Middle School.  Now I have to confess that a couple of years ago the idea of my little girl being in the junior high struck terror in my heart.  It just seems so much bigger, more part of the world, than the elementary; but she was ready and so was I!  She was the most excited about the fact that she actually gets her own locker this year, that was a very big deal.  Hannah asked that I take her to school that morning, but that I not take her into the school, and that I NOT take pictures at school!  I couldn't believe it, the traditional picture of Hannah standing in front of the school, the one that I have taken every year since she was in Kindergarten, I was not allowed to take.  On one hand it broke my heart, and on the other hand I appreciate seeing the maturity and independence that our little girl is gaining, at just the right pace.  One of my favorite sayings is: "The two greatest gifts that we can give to our children are roots and wings."  My Hannah Mac is growing wings.  So, I had to resign myself to pictures of her at the house the 1st day of school and then in front of her bus the following day!

        

The other event that I wanted to share was my "7th Annual First Day of School Coffee".  The year that Hannah started kindergarten I realized that I was going to need a good distraction in order to survive the emotions of that day; so I hosted a coffee for other mothers who also needed the distraction and support of sending their babies off to school.  The coffee is something that my friends have come to look forward to and expect each year.  This year I was struck by some of the things that us "Courageous Mommies" have faced over the years; decisions of whether or not to send our kids on or hold them back, fears of how our children will get along w/ their teachers and other classmates, some of us moms were sending our last child on to kindergarten and some of us were watching as they entered high school.  Some of these women have been coming since the beginning, and each year we end up missing some moms who have gone back to work, but there were also some new faces this year that added to all of the fun!  There were a few tears that morning, but mostly a lot of laughter and LOTs of caffeine!  Each year I wonder if I will host the coffee or not but  I am always so thankful that I've opened up my home to these precious women.  We Moms need one another in order to be courageous.  So I suppose that it looks like I will be hosting the "Annual First Day of School Coffee" for another 17 more years until Kade graduates!

 

     

  

The Courageous Fair Mommy

       I just survived the toughest two weeks of my year, County Fair followed immediately by State Fair.  I love fair time, both Johnson County Fair and the Wyoming State Fair; so many of my memories are wrapped up in these events.  Mike and I even spent our honeymoon at State Fair his first year as an Ag Teacher!  But fair time is not for the faint of heart, it really does require a whole lot of courage for us fair parents!  I have to say that since Hannah has been in 4-H I have learned something new each year, but I always manage to forget whatever I’ve learned by the time fair rolls around the next year!  This year was especially full of adventure with the addition of one busy little boy; I decided that we have either made Kade “fair tough” or “fair sour”! 

Here are my top 10 secrets to surviving as a Fair Mom:

1.)           We all have the potential of being a “fair mom” (including yours truly); as in the mom who is normally calm and level headed, but the minute her child enters the show ring she becomes a raving, ultra-competitive woman who can scare the most seasoned of judges w/ just a look.  We would all enjoy fair much more if we’d just cool it & support our kids, it’s about them and not us after all!

2.)          A fair mom should have a well stocked cooler full of drinks and healthy snacks, otherwise her kids will break her as they consume an innumerable amount of hamburgers, Indian tacos, funnel cakes, deep fried Snickers Bars & oreos (yes, they really do exist), lemonades and pops.

3.)          I have learned the importance of daily naps during fair in order to get adequate rest; this year this only involved Kade and I as Hannah has reached that age where she refuses to leave the fairgrounds for fear that she will miss something.

4.)          A Fair Mom w/ a younger child should have really good shoes and a heavy duty stroller that she doesn’t mind getting covered in dust and manure (I wore the tread off of the tires on my stroller this year!), and one w/ plenty of storage room at the bottom to carry all important fair essentials

5.)          A fair mom must remain calm when various problems arise, such as an empty pigpen w/ a wide-open gate on the morning of the pig show (we soon found “Choco Roco” in a pen at the wash rack, thank you to whoever found him!)

6.)          We must always remember that whatever show supplies we have invested in and taken to State Fair will almost certainly NOT make it back home with us!

7.)           It’s impossible to keep up w/ all of the laundry that a family can go through during a week of fair, so to make it easier, just let them wear the one pair of pants and t-shirt that they insist on wearing everyday, because as Hannah informed me, they’re just going to get dirty anyway.

8.)          For her own sanity, a fair mom needs to just accept the fact that her house, her vehicle and her camper is going to look and smell like a pig pen (or sheep or steer barn) until fair is over.

9.)          Little boys need to get down and crawl around, whether it be in the dirt, in the sawdust or in the pig pen.  And an experienced fair mom will know that whatever he puts into his mouth probably won’t kill him, it’ll just make for interesting diapers - it may have been my imagination, but Kade’s dirty diapers soon began to smell like pig manure, it could have been that I was just in the pig barn for far too long, but it also could have been what I caught him putting in his mouth several times, eeewwww!!!

10.)       No matter how many years we have livestock projects in 4-H, the night of the fat stock sale will always bring a flood of tears as we say goodbye, always.

         So, I’ve learned and I’ve relearned several lessons in being a fair parent; hopefully next year I’ll actually remember what all I’ve discovered. All in all it was a successful fair season; Hannah did really well w/ her pigs and the photos that she entered in the open class.  She won her first buckle and is already talking about whether or not she’s taking pigs or steers to fair next year; I for one am looking forward to not having chores for a little while and trying to get rid of the stench of pig poop that is almost impossible to remove from the bottoms of shoes!!!  

 

 

Hannah's buckle that she won in Intermediate showmanship

Kade just hangin' out at fair Hannah & her friend Misty on their float

Kade's outfit for the "Cutest Baby Contest" at Fair