Ranch Kids vs Cowboys

     

 

Today was one of those days that my son learned the difference between playing cowboy and being a ranch kid.  That you might have the cowboy garb with a button down shirt, a good looking cowboy hat and chaps and spurs that give you the right cowboy look; but if you don't have the heart for this way of life you are probably not a ranch kid.

Today was a hard day.  Most days he and I both just revel in the fact that we have the life that we do, that we get to enjoy being outdoors, wide open spaces, cattle that look great, trusty horses that you love spending time on, good grass, mild weather, bonding time with family.  Life is good.  

And then we have days like today.....days that are full of lessons for a ranch kid.  Mornings where you get up before the sun and it's chilly, but a few hours later it is blazing hot and dusty.  Days when cattle go into gates they aren't supposed to and those that are supposed to run right past them.  When Mama cows forget they have babies and you have to remind them because you can't get to the holding pasture without keeping the pairs intact.  You have those days when that trusty horse that you love won't cooperate and you have to fight him to do what you want him to do.  Family bonding means getting yelled at because you're at the wrong place at the wrong time and hearing a few choice words from your Dad and Grandpa.  You learn the importance of paying attention and not day dreaming, of taking a wide circle and not riding too close to the fence when your Dad is bringing a pair towards you.  You have those days that after so many hours in the saddle your bottom and your knees start to hurt even if you are only 7 years old, but you just gotta keep on riding through it until the works done.  Those days that you learn while working cattle that it's not all fun and games and you'd better put your rope away unless you intend on throwing a loop at a run-a-way calf!  You learn to eat your breakfast because it may be a long time before lunch....unless you are lucky and your Mom packs you a few smooshed up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and then you learn to be oh so grateful for those!  And this time of year you learn all about the birds and the bees.....or rather the Bulls and the cows, which lead to a lot of questions that your Mom has to carefully answer.  

Days like today teach a kid that while the cowboy way of life might be glamorous and fun, the ranch kid way of life is not all that it's cracked up to be.  It means long days and hard work and not a whole lot of fun. But at the end of the day, the thing that separates a ranch kid from a wanna-be-cowboy is when he is ready to do it all over again the next day whether he wants to or not!  Thank God for ranch kids!

Parenting Ain't for the Faint of Heart!

A few weeks ago our family was invited to take part in a dinner for some of the new families in our Church. Mike was gone on a business trip over the weekend, so the kids and I were on our own. I had a feeling from the very beginning that I was in over my head! Kade was a handful to say the least; there really are no adequate words to describe how naughty my little boy was. I was in a cold sweat the entire time we were there, as Kade screamed, banged on his high chair, kicked the table, threw food on the floor and several times attempted to pull the table cloth off of the beautifully set table we were sitting at. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough after we were finished eating. I called Mike that night and let him know that his mother’s prophecy that someday he would have a son just like himself, had come true! It was a nightmare, and if we lived through it with Hannah I do not remember! Kade is a completely different child than his older sister.

The next day at Church, one of the ladies that sat at the table with us the night before, brought me a book entitled “To Train Up A Child” by Michael & Debi Pearl. She was so worried about offending me, but in the past month I have also been reading a book given to me by a friend called “The Bait Of Satan, Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense” by John Bevere. Both of these books are amazing and I don’t think that it was an accident that I started the John Bevere book before I was given the book on training children! I could have so easily taken offense with this woman and her offer of a parenting book after a not so stellar performance by my son. But because of what the Lord is showing me through this other book I am learning that far too often things that others say and do offend me. I allow that offense to trap me in a place where Satan can have a hay day and I miss out on blessings that God has for me.

So, no, I was not offended by the offer of this very helpful parenting book; instead I was very grateful that someone in my Church Family was brave and loving enough to risk offense and share something that is proving to be a very helpful and informative book on training children. To be perfectly honest, as Hannah’s mommy I was under the illusion that because she was such an easy child, I must be an incredibly good parent. As I looked around at all of those other children who misbehaved I (mistakenly) believed that it was because of bad parenting. It’s not that Hannah was never naughty, it’s just that she was easy & I never had to worry about taking her anywhere. This is not the case with her little brother! I find myself really weighing the options of taking him certain places or leaving him with a sitter. Kade is busy, and he is loud and he makes sure that everyone knows that he is there. He is also very cute and too many times we find ourselves laughing at his antics, which IS NOT helping!! Because you see my son is also smart, and he has come to realize that he gets good reactions from his naughty behavior and I think that he recognizes when I hit that point that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and quiet. I honestly don’t know who it is that needs the training, this child or the rest of his family!

I have now come to the conclusion that, after waiting almost a decade for this child, God is taking me down a notch! I realize that I need to STOP regarding others and myself as good or bad parents, and start looking at parents with grace and compassion. We’re all in the midst of this great adventure called parenting and it takes lots and lots of courage, as well as humility! I need to accept help wherever it is offered. God doesn’t intend for us to do this parenting thing alone, we need one another!

I am also finding myself in a unique position compared to many of my friends; I am dealing with a busy and strong willed toddler at the same time that I am dealing with an emotional 12-year-old daughter who is starting to spread her little wings. I am really beginning to experience the letting go part of parenting with Hannah because as she gets older she is becoming busier and involved in more and more activities that keep her away from me more than before. It’s a scary feeling for this often control freak of a mother! Hannah has come home from school twice in the past few weeks with something that she has “learned” at school from some of the other kids that I am NOT okay with her knowing about. I could jerk her out of school and start homeschooling, putting her in a bubble where she won’t be exposed to all of the things that the world wants to teach her but that I don’t want her to know. I am tempted sometimes. But I also know that Jesus wants her to shine for Him in a world that is growing darker and darker. And one thing I know for certain, Hannah shines for Jesus! I also think that this spreading of wings is an important part of growing up, the key is to know the rate of speed that this process is suppose to take! I believe that we need to allow her to spread her wings, but to do so at an appropriate speed. She’s discovered that she kind of likes boys this year, but we’ve also realized that she is NOT ready to “go with” boys yet like some of her friends are doing (the question that parents have been asking for years is what exactly does “going with” each other really mean? My dad asked me when I was in Jr. High, and now I’m asking Hannah! That’s a topic for another blog!). And the ongoing struggle with emotions and hormones at this age is exhausting for all of us! Poor Mike has looked like a deer in the headlights when Hannah begins to cry for no apparent reason. It’s just another phase of life that we need to continually seek wisdom for.

I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day about how frustrated she was with some of the battles going on with her children and that she just wished that there was a book out there that she could open up and find all the answers she needed for parenting. I told her that there was a book out there with all of the answers; it’s called the Bible!

I will always remember when my friend and mentor, Linda, led me to the book of James when Hannah was little and I was needing some wisdom in child rearing (see Hannah wasn’t easy all the time!). James 1:5 says: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. What better parenting manual is there than God’s Word? I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wisdom and guidance that I get from the Bible, for any circumstance imaginable, from dealing with outside influences teaching my daughter about things that aren’t benefitting her, to patience with little boys that like to play in the toilet and throw food at their mommies. Parenting is not for faint of heart, and we can't afford to let our guard down for a minute, there's too much at stake. If nothing else I find comfort and peace in what I read in God's Word, and a certainty that I am not alone, that God is involved in this parenting adventure, at all ages and stages.

A Fall of Firsts

I love Fall!! I know that I wrote a few months ago about how much I love summer, and it's true, I do love summertime. I love all of the seasons, mainly I love the change of seasons, which means that Wyoming is the perfect state for me to live in! In my heart of hearts, though, Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors and the smells and the cool, crisp feel of Autumn. Now that Fall is almost over, I find myself reflecting over how many firsts we experienced in the last three months. There have been a lot of 'em!

The "first 1st" was Kade's birthday! He turned 1 on September 28th. What a celebration that was! To think that a year earlier my little man came into this world in a burst of energy! The doctor told Mike and I that it was the first time in the many years of delivering babies that one fought so hard to make his way out into the world!

For those of you who don't know our story; Mike, Hannah, and I waited and prayed for 9 1/2 years for this newest member of our family. He was a much anticipated baby! When people realize the 11 year span between our two kids, they give me a knowing smile and want to know if Kade was an accident. I love telling them that he was an amazing surprise, but in no way was he an accident! God knew exactly what He was doing making us wait for this answered prayer! At the beginning of my pregnancy we also had quite the scare when I had a cyst on my ovary that burst. Mike rushed me to the ER two days after we found out that I was finally pregnant. The doctor initially thought that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and we were told that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. We were broken hearted. But rather than administering the medication that would terminate the pregnancy, the doctor on call (I refer to him as one of Kade's Angels!) chose to send me to Sheridan and my regular OB/GYN, where it was discovered that I had the cyst and it was not a tubal pregnancy. What cause for celebration that was! Struggling with infertility for all of those years was heartbreaking for both Mike and I, but it gave us the opportunity to choose to trust in God. My faith grew and was strengthened because of my heartbreak, not in spite of it. And that day when I finally held my baby boy in my arms was the end result of years of choosing trust over despair.

Kade's 1st birthday was a big event, complete with cupcakes and birthday hats and gifts. The thing that struck me the most, though was the fact that my little boy was surrounded by people who love him and who had spent years praying with us for this beautiful little boy! He was completely enveloped in love.

Other Firsts this Fall:

Hannah's first Jr. High Dance!

Kade's first haircut

Hannah's first hunt!!

The Courageous Fair Mommy

       I just survived the toughest two weeks of my year, County Fair followed immediately by State Fair.  I love fair time, both Johnson County Fair and the Wyoming State Fair; so many of my memories are wrapped up in these events.  Mike and I even spent our honeymoon at State Fair his first year as an Ag Teacher!  But fair time is not for the faint of heart, it really does require a whole lot of courage for us fair parents!  I have to say that since Hannah has been in 4-H I have learned something new each year, but I always manage to forget whatever I’ve learned by the time fair rolls around the next year!  This year was especially full of adventure with the addition of one busy little boy; I decided that we have either made Kade “fair tough” or “fair sour”! 

Here are my top 10 secrets to surviving as a Fair Mom:

1.)           We all have the potential of being a “fair mom” (including yours truly); as in the mom who is normally calm and level headed, but the minute her child enters the show ring she becomes a raving, ultra-competitive woman who can scare the most seasoned of judges w/ just a look.  We would all enjoy fair much more if we’d just cool it & support our kids, it’s about them and not us after all!

2.)          A fair mom should have a well stocked cooler full of drinks and healthy snacks, otherwise her kids will break her as they consume an innumerable amount of hamburgers, Indian tacos, funnel cakes, deep fried Snickers Bars & oreos (yes, they really do exist), lemonades and pops.

3.)          I have learned the importance of daily naps during fair in order to get adequate rest; this year this only involved Kade and I as Hannah has reached that age where she refuses to leave the fairgrounds for fear that she will miss something.

4.)          A Fair Mom w/ a younger child should have really good shoes and a heavy duty stroller that she doesn’t mind getting covered in dust and manure (I wore the tread off of the tires on my stroller this year!), and one w/ plenty of storage room at the bottom to carry all important fair essentials

5.)          A fair mom must remain calm when various problems arise, such as an empty pigpen w/ a wide-open gate on the morning of the pig show (we soon found “Choco Roco” in a pen at the wash rack, thank you to whoever found him!)

6.)          We must always remember that whatever show supplies we have invested in and taken to State Fair will almost certainly NOT make it back home with us!

7.)           It’s impossible to keep up w/ all of the laundry that a family can go through during a week of fair, so to make it easier, just let them wear the one pair of pants and t-shirt that they insist on wearing everyday, because as Hannah informed me, they’re just going to get dirty anyway.

8.)          For her own sanity, a fair mom needs to just accept the fact that her house, her vehicle and her camper is going to look and smell like a pig pen (or sheep or steer barn) until fair is over.

9.)          Little boys need to get down and crawl around, whether it be in the dirt, in the sawdust or in the pig pen.  And an experienced fair mom will know that whatever he puts into his mouth probably won’t kill him, it’ll just make for interesting diapers - it may have been my imagination, but Kade’s dirty diapers soon began to smell like pig manure, it could have been that I was just in the pig barn for far too long, but it also could have been what I caught him putting in his mouth several times, eeewwww!!!

10.)       No matter how many years we have livestock projects in 4-H, the night of the fat stock sale will always bring a flood of tears as we say goodbye, always.

         So, I’ve learned and I’ve relearned several lessons in being a fair parent; hopefully next year I’ll actually remember what all I’ve discovered. All in all it was a successful fair season; Hannah did really well w/ her pigs and the photos that she entered in the open class.  She won her first buckle and is already talking about whether or not she’s taking pigs or steers to fair next year; I for one am looking forward to not having chores for a little while and trying to get rid of the stench of pig poop that is almost impossible to remove from the bottoms of shoes!!!  

 

 

Hannah's buckle that she won in Intermediate showmanship

Kade just hangin' out at fair Hannah & her friend Misty on their float

Kade's outfit for the "Cutest Baby Contest" at Fair

Being Courageous

There are a lot of things in life that require courage; experiences that we might miss because sometimes it’s just easier not to take the chance than to risk failure.  Some of the courageous things in my life that I have done include public speaking, running for an office in the State FFA Association, living & working in a big city back East, driving in Denver, roping a calf, scary amusement park rides, skiing (both cross country & downhill, although cross country has become a passion & downhill is something I only do if I have to), riding a difficult horse and writing.  There are also innumerable things that I have not had the courage to try, some that I wish I would have, some I still might, and some I never will! 

       By far the most courageous undertaking that I have experienced has been motherhood.  Motherhood requires courage each and every day, several times a day & quite often through sleepless nights.  When I first became a mother, over 11 years ago when Hannah was born, I was scared to death!  And there was no turning back.  I remember holding her and thinking, “I’m going to break her, what in the world were the doctor & nurses thinking when they let me bring her home?”  It took several months for me to be comfortable enough in my role as Hannah’s mommy that I no longer held my breath each time I held her in my arms.  But it was also the most natural thing in the world, like I was created for this role.  I never longed for anything more than being a wife & mother, & with the birth of this precious little soul I finally felt like I was who I was suppose to be.    

  She is almost 12 years old now & I can’t believe how the years have flown.  Although I no longer feel like I am going to break her, I still pray for courage daily in my role as her mommy. I have had to learn how to deal with physical hurts & emotional hurts, how to let some things go & to allow her to be herself.  I’ve had to dig down deep for that courage as I allow her a little more freedom & responsibility here and there.  It’s so scary, but totally worth it in order to be her mother & see the beautiful, confident & godly young lady that she is becoming.    

And now I find myself searching for courage again in my role as mommy to Baby Kade. What a person can forget in 11 years!!  I forgot the long nights, when you pray for a few hours of sleep; & then when the baby actually sleeps for longer stretches of time, you lay there awake, fearful that he’s not breathing!  And the daily stresses of caring for a baby: am I nursing him often enough, is he getting enough milk, is he growing properly, shouldn’t he be crawling yet, once he starts crawling & pulling himself up on things is he going to have stitches before he’s 9 mths old? The list of worries could be endless if we let it - injury, illness, or other kinds of physical harm, dealing with their hurt feelings caused by other kids, the pain of being left out, the fear of what the future holds in store for each of them.  

And each day that I rise I have a choice in regards to my role as a mother (and a wife); do I choose worry & fear or do I choose courage and faith?  I thank the Lord that I don’t have to do this mothering thing alone, because I would allow the hard parts of it overwhelm me.  But because I get my courage and my wisdom from Him, I know that nothing that I do is beyond Him or out of His control.  I think about a song that we sang the first year that Hannah was in Vacation Bible School, it was taken from Joshua 1:9 “Be strong & courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!” This makes me one Courageous Mommy!!!