Never Forget.

It was such a  beautiful day, clear blue sky and sunshine, a gentle breeze.  I headed over to my mother-in-laws to help her get ready for our monthly Christian Women's Club Prayer Coffee at my friend Lee Ann's house.  I remember thinking, "God, thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me."  Barb and I were just getting ready to sit down for breakfast when Mike called.  "Turn the T.V. on Jana, we've been atttacked."  I remember thinking that surely he had to be mistaken, we've been attacked? By who?  How?  We're the United States of America for crying out loud.  Those were not words that I'd heard in my entire life, and something that I hope to never hear again - that we've been attacked.  I didn't believe it.  Then I turned on the television, and there it was, right in front of my eyes as plain as it could be, telling the story as it happened.

Barb and I watched in horror; one tower had already been hit and then another low flying plane suddenly hit the second building.  We were speechless, tears rolling down both our faces, riveted to the T.V., fear constricting my heart.  It was incomprehensible to me, I couldn't process what I was seeing.  I felt numb as I watched things falling out of the top of the World Trade Center towers and then realized that those "things" were people jumping out of the building.  I couldn't understand why they would do that; there were firemen and policemen on their way up to rescue them, why didn't they just wait for help?  But the horrors kept piling on top of eachother as we watched first one building buckle and then collapse followed by the second one.

Then the reports of a third plane flying into the Pentagon and a fourth plane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania.  My mind was whirling, where was it going to end?  Were there planes throughout the country full of suicide bombers ready to kill and destroy more lives?  Was the end of the world finally here?

I looked at my precious mother-in-law and saw terror and confusion mirrored in her eyes.  We couldn't just sit there, we needed to get out of the house.  I began to make phone calls to the other ladies in our prayer group.  We still needed to meet.  I remember the phone call to Lee Ann, she was inconsolable, wondering if we shouldn't just forget about our prayer coffee.  I told her "Lee Ann, there's nothing better or more effective that we can do right now than get together and lift up this nation to God.  We need one another and we need to take this to Him!"

We spent the morning in prayer, and then again that evening we went to a prayer gathering that one of the other local churches called.  We were all exhausted with the sensless tragedy of the entire day, the thousands of lives that had been taken, the thousands more that would never be the same.  If we here in Wyoming were feeling the immensity of this day, what were those in New York and Washington D.C. feeling?  How were they coping with the unbelievable events?

There was beauty amidst the ashes, though.  I watched in amazement as our country pulled together, truly pulled together.  For the first time that I could really remember there were no political lines, no Rebuplican or Democrat, no Left or Right.  We were just Americans, grieving together, dealing with fear and apprehension together.  Patriotism ran strong, differing politics just didn't seem to matter at the time.  I was brought to tears as our Congress sang "God Bless America" together.  God was bringing a country that was full of division and strife together.  God was doing that.  And people were turning to God, because after something like this, where else in the world are you going to turn?  Churches were filled, people were able to witness and testify to the power and strength of God more than ever because people were yearning for answers.  We were a country that felt like a family.

But I think we've forgotten.  Sure, we'll remember today, as we've been remembering all week.  There will be memorials and documentaries and our memories will come alive with the images that we witnessed 10 years ago.  But we've gone back to our secure, comfortable and easy lives and we've forgotten that it can all be taken away in an instant.  I know that I have, and I'm ashamed.  Because  despite the devastation and the destruction and the change in the New York City skyline and the families that have forever been changed and the change that has occurred in our country in terms of how we travel and how we deal with terror, God is still the same.  He never changes.  He is still in control.  "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3.  "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy31:6.

Over the past several days we've asked one another: Do you remember?  Where were you when you heard that we were being attacked?  What were you doing & how did you process what was happening in front of your eyes? Where did you turn with your grief, fear and horror that was the result of 9/11.  Share, share your thoughts, your memories, your feelings, your fears.  Because it's in the sharing and the remembering that we keep in mind the sacrifices of  those who died that day.  Some made that sacrifice unwillingly, but others made it willingly.  We need to remember, because we still need to be committed to praying for our country and our people, as much now as ever.  Let's never forget what happened on that Tuesday morning 10 years, not to rehash the pain and terror that we felt, but to learn from how we pulled together as a nation, how we loved one another and felt eachother's pain and loss and how we turned to the God of this country and put our trust and our faith in Him.  I could say that morning, and I can still say today "God thank you for days like this, when I don't have a care in the world and can think of a million little miracles and blessings that You've given me." but I also want to add, "Please protect our country, Lord.  Make us a little more aware of what is important and a lot less concerned with what isn't.  Help us to love one another.  Bring us to a place where You are Lord, Master and King of America.  Be with those men and women who are still fighting this war with a people that hate us.  Remind us that You are in control.  Amen"

Mother's Day Tribute

What a great Mother's Day I've had!  My family has made me feel like a queen, and I've loved every minute of it!  I truly feel like the Proverbs 31 Woman whose children arise and bless her and whose husband praises her.  Thanks guys for making my job as a mom & wife so incredible, I can't imagine anything else being more important!

 One of the reasons that I feel like I can work towards being a Proverbs 31 Woman is because I was raised by one!  My mom, Jody White, is as close to fitting the description of this woman of virtuous character as I will ever find.  My mother is a loving, hard-working ranch wife, mother & grandmother who has taught me so many valuable things, the most important of which is how to prioritize my life: the Lord first and foremost, my husband second, children third & everyone else after that.  She's taught me how to enjoy the simple things in life & how to appreciate and learn from the really difficult things.  She's a living example of love in action, loving her husband, children, grandchildren and friends fiercely & tenderly at the same time.  She always puts our needs above her own, showing Jesus' love to us each time that she chooses love & humility over her own rights.

I owe who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, friend and woman to the almost 40 years of life lessons that my mother has taken the time to teach me:

Make the choice to respond to those who do & say mean things to you by "killing them with kindness".

Honey will always get you further than vinegar!

Fresh air and sunshine is the cure-all for everything from tummy aches & headaches to heartaches.

Life may not be fair, but it'll all come out in the wash!

Always remember that it is more valuable to be beautiful on the inside than on the outside.

Your talents are God's gift to you, what you do with those talents is your gift to God!

Attitude may not change difficult situations, but it sure can make them easier to handle!

  I can remember that awkward time of my life when I felt ugly, unloved & unimportant.  I felt that way for a very short period because my mom had the gift of turning it around & making me feel loved, beautiful, and accepted.  She has always been my biggest cheerleader and encourager when it came to working towards my dreams and goals.  We both share a love for writing and I know that she will never allow me to let that dream lie dormant.  One of my favorite parts of going back home is spending time with my mom in the corral!  Doing chores, discussing life & dreams and getting dirty, I love it and so does she!  My mom is also my "Titus Woman" as she is the driving force in my decision to give my life to Jesus.  Her love and desire to serve Him was a beautiful thing that I desired for myself.  Our relationship with the Lord is one of the greatest gifts that we share. 

I owe so much of who I am and what I have been able to accomplish, as well as the dangers I was able to avoid, to the prayers of my mother.  She is committed to praying for her husband, her children, grandchildren, & friends.  I know that someday when I am in heaven, God will have a storeroom full of all of my mothers prayers and I will be amazed.  The Proverbs 31 Woman describes my mother far better than I can.  This is from The Message.  I love the wording of it :

 A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you wonderful moms out there; whether you be stay-at-home moms, working moms, mothers of young children, teenagers, or adult children.  To you grandmothers who have such a role in the lives of our kids, and for those mothers who may have never had a child in your womb but are a blessing to countless children of your heart.  God loves you all!!!

Good Friday Reflections Continued.....

We just returned from the Good Friday Services at our Church and I just had to share a poem written by one of my favorite people.  Max Jennings often shares the poems that he writes with our Church family, and I've been blessed by so many of them.  It goes along so perfectly with what I posted earlier today that I just had to ask him if I could add it to my own thoughts.  Tonight was especially moving because of the fact that Max became pretty choked up as he recited this one.  I love the fact that Max so obviously feels what it would have been like to be at the cross.

Before The Cross

I imagine myself before the cross

With my Jesus hanging there,

With Roman soldiers all around 

And mockers everywhere.

Even travelers are mocking Him

A spear print in His side,

With Pharisees and Sadducees

Acting dignified.

And as I look up to my Lord

I think of all He's done,

And all the glories of Heaven He left

That my sould be won.

He suffered much at the hands of men

Deserted by His very own,

He suffered pain and anguish.  

Their sins to atone.

He lived here in a world of sin

With evil of every kind,

He was atttacked for His words 

By those who were so blind...

And yet He died for them 

As much for you and me,

They did not know who Jesus was

They were blind and could not see.

And still the people of this earth 

Are blind and refuse to see,

That Christ has given himself to be

A ransom for you and me.

Max A. Jennings

February 2003  

Good Friday Reflections

"It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining.  And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, 'Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.' When he said this, he breathed his last."
Luke 23:44-46


I was asked to help with the Good Friday Services at our Church this week and was blessed because it caused me to stop in the middle of my busy and chaotic life and really reflect on the events that happened on that horrible, beautiful day over 2,000 years ago.  I wrote a dialogue that Hannah will read tonight; the dialogue is written from the perspective of a 13-year-old girl who witnesses the crucifixion of Jesus.  In order to write it I had to put myself there, imagining what it would have been like to have actually seen the events with my own eyes.  I wanted to share with you what I feel that perspective would have been like.

            I was standing there, trying to fight against the press of the mob, just a young girl trying to see what had everyone in such an uproar. There was angry shouting and such a huge commotion I had to find out what was happening. It was hard for me to see what was going on so I pushed my way through the throng of people, and finally found myself at the front of the crowd. Immediately I regretted the curiosity that brought me face to face with the horrific sight of three men hanging from three crosses. I had never witnessed a crucifixion in the 13 years of my life & I prayed that I’d never ever witness one again. It was a horrible sight to behold; but there was something about the three men hanging there that had me riveted to my spot, unable to move regardless of how much I really wanted to turn and run from the sight.

           The shouting was coming from the criminal on the far right; he was yelling & hurling insults at the man who hung in the middle. “Aren’t you supposed to be the Christ?” He yelled, “Well then save yourself! Save us if you are able!” Then the criminal on the far left cried out “Don’t you fear God?  You and I are here because we committed the crimes that we’ve been accused of. We are justly punished, for we are getting what our sins deserve. But this man?  He’s done nothing wrong!” Then this criminal looked at the man hanging in the middle and said “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 

           I gasped. This was Him, the One that everyone had been speaking of. The One who traveled over the countryside, preaching and teaching about the Kingdom of God. The man who was rumored to perform miracles and have a following of disciples that made the Roman government nervous. It didn’t appear that he had any followers today. He seemed to be alone.  I looked up into the pain filled yet gentle eyes as he answered the criminal on his right. “I answer you truthfully, today you will be with me in paradise.” 

           Close to the cross where this man Jesus hung stood three women and one man. It looked as if these were the only ones who remained of his faithful followers. I heard the whisperings around me revealing that the three women were his mother, Mary, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. They were on their knees before Him, crying in anguish at the pain and torture their Lord was suffering.  The pain and despair that they were facing was so tangible that I felt it in my own soul. Jesus looked down with  soft gentle eyes at these four people whom He obviously loved. He said to Mary, His mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” He then looked at the disciple with the affection of a brother and told him “Here is your mother.”  He spoke it so quietly that if I hadn’t been right there at the front of the crowd I would have missed His words. The man bent over and helped Mary to her feet, wrapping his arms around her lovingly. I could tell from that moment that this disciple would take Mary into his home and care for her as his own mother.

            My eyes turned from this heart-breaking scene back to the eyes of this poor, wretched man who had been battered and bruised beyond recognition. Suddenly the sky went completely dark, even though it was the middle of the day.  I could hear terror and confusion in the voices of those around me. From somewhere far behind me I heard someone yell something about the curtain in the temple being torn in two. And then I heard Jesus call out with a loud and clear voice, “Father, into your hand I commit my spirit.” And then he breathed his last breath and was gone. 

On this Good Friday, think about what it would have been like for Jesus' followers who watched as their leader, teacher and friend was hanging and dying on that cross.  For them all  that they had hoped for and believed to be true would soon be buried in a tomb.  They didn't understand that the sun disappeared and everything turned dark because for three hours all of creation seemed to be mourning the tragedy of the death of Jesus.  They couldn't comprehend that the temple curtain tearing in two meant that there was no longer any seperation between them and God, nothing to keep them from approaching the Most Holy One.  The only thing they knew up to this point was the cross, they had no knowledge that in two days there would be a resurrection.  And what about us?  Do we truly see past Good Friday to Easter Sunday?  Do we realize that Jesus hung on that cross, not because of any sin He had committed, but because of every sin that every human being has ever or ever will commit?  Jesus paid it all for you and for me in order that we could experience life in it's fullness, life everlasting.  Today we feel the burden of the cross, but soon we will be able to sing the Hallelujah of Sunday.

           

         

A Life Well Lived

Jessie Ada White March 16, 1925 to December 8, 2010

Two weeks ago my grandmother, Jessie White, passed away in Cody Wyoming. She was such a huge influence in my life because the boys and I were raised on the ranch with Grandpa Mort & Grandma Jessie living right next door. A lifetime of memories have overwhelmed me in the past few weeks. It’s such a strange feeling to know that she is gone; I am no longer able to call her up on the phone, catch her up on our life, ask her for one of her famous recipes, or how to get a particular stain out of a favorite outfit. The kids and I will no longer be making trips over the mountain to spend weekends with her, going through pictures, making scrapbooks, eating out at the Chinese Restaurant, and then going for Dairy Queen at 9:00 at night.

I was able to get to Cody & spend two days with her before she died and I'll always be grateful for the gift of her face lighting up when she saw me, and the way that she called me “Honey”. I loved my Grandma & I knew without a doubt that she loved me as well. I was honored to share the eulogy at the funeral and to help in gathering pictures for the slide show presentation that my niece put together. What a hard and wonderful thing it was doing both of these things! At the funeral my dad’s cousin, Steven Draper, did the dedication at the graveside, and what sticks out the most is when he said that Grandma was blessed with a life well lived. I love that, and it’s so true, she really did have a life well lived! Five children, fourteen grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and four great-great grandchildren, all of whom she adored! She was married to my Granddad Mort for 44 years and loved being a ranch-wife/mom/Grandma.

I’m hoping to get the power point presentation on a disc from Lauren so that I can share that, but wanted to share the eulogy that I wrote to honor Grandma.

I have had a flood of memories come back to me this week as I’ve said goodbye to Grandma Jessie. As I’ve worked on preparing this eulogy & as I’ve looked through boxes of pictures, the memories that I have of Grandma have overwhelmed me. The hardest thing has been in choosing what I’d like to tell you about my Grandmother because there are so many stories I want to share with you!

Jessie White has been one of the biggest influences in my life. Memories of my childhood when the boys & I were growing up with her and Granddad Mort on the ranch in Robertson are some of my favorite. Grandma took every opportunity to spoil Joel, Coby & I. We knew that there would always be a stash of cookies, candy, gum, ice cream, and pop for us at Grandma’s house. She & Joel had their own system worked out where he would ride his pony right up her front steps, knock on the door & she would hand him a sack full of goodies, close the door & then Joel would jump his pony off and be on his way.

As we all know, Grandma was an incredible cook & she loved nothing more than to cook & bake for her friends and family. Jessie White’s pies were legendary & the annual Bull Sale was her time to shine. There was an ongoing debate regarding whether people came for the good bulls or the good food. I think it was a little of both!

Once Grandma knew what your favorite pie or meal was it was a pretty fair bet that the next time she saw you she would have it ready to serve or send home with you. Grandma not only cooked the things that she knew that you loved, but she also made it her personal mission to come up with new ways of cooking what you didn’t like in order to change your mind! Because of Grandma Jessie’s efforts, I no longer hate meatloaf! Cooking for others was how she showed her love. Looking back I also remember the time & care that she would take with us in her kitchen teaching us how to cook & bake. I’m still trying to live up to her standard of pie baking. Memories of baking cookies and candy with Grandma are vivid to me especially this time of year. She was incredibly patient with me, even when we had to quadruple a batch of chocolate chip cookies because I misunderstood how much butter to add! I never felt like I was an inconvenience or that she didn’t have the time for me.

Grandma was also a fixer of all things broken or cut. Toys, clothing, or kids, she could mend or fix just about anything. I can’t tell you the amount of times that the boys and I went to her with cuts, scrapes, bumps and bruises, three kids on a ranch required lots of band aides and hugs. Grandma Jessie’s cure-all was aloe vera for burns & Campho Phenique for everything else, she put it on everything & there was a time that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get rid of that smell because she was using it so often!

The time that probably sticks out the most when Grandma was there for one of us when we were hurt was when Coby had his accident. She was the one who found him stuck in the bailer, after running across the hayfield on old & aching knees, and she was the one who climbed up into the tractor to shut it & the bailer off. She never left Coby’s side as they waited for help, but stayed with him & together they hollered for help until Joel came. Afterwards, when we realized how serious the injuries to Coby’s hand was, I know that she would have given her hand to him if she could. After that she would forever be seen as Coby’s hero and guardian angel.

When we moved to the ranch in Banner Grandma & I were roommates for a while after Grandpa died. I remember late night snacking while watching old movies, looking through recipe books & cooking together. We may have seemed like an odd couple, a college aged girl and a widowed elderly woman, but we were there for one another during a very lonely time for the both of us. One of the funniest memories that I have of that time is when there was a supposed escaped convict hiding in Story, Grandma and I had ourselves so worked up about the possibility of this man finding his way to the ranch that we were nervous wrecks when suddenly there was a knock on the door & both of us screamed at the top of our lungs. One of the boys walked in the house and wondered what in the world had us two girls in such a fright!

The boys & I have so many memories to draw from because of the fact that we grew up with our Grandparents right next door. But the love that Grandma had for each and every one of her children, sons & daughters-in-laws, grandchildren & their spouses great-grandchildren & even great-great-grandchildren was tangible & she never tired of talking about each one of us. She had so much pride for all of our accomplishments, whether it be on the basketball courts, the track field, football field, show ring, classroom, or home, you could see the love and joy her family brought her in her eyes.

Grandma Jessie had such a servant’s heart and she served in so many wonderful ways. Whether it be through her cooking or sewing, or caring for family members, Grandma lived to serve. From taking care of us grandkids whenever needed to caring for Granddad in the last years of his life, to helping with her great-grandson, Tanner, when she was in her 80’s; Grandma loved to give of herself. My prayer is that this is something that I will have received as a heritage from my grandmother, her gifts of love and service.

There will be a huge gap in our lives with the passing of Grandma, she was such a blessing to each and every one of us. We will miss her more than words can say, but I have gained so much comfort in this past week in the realization that Grandma Jessie has left such an amazing heritage in her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren & great-great-grandchildren. She was such a gift to each of us, and we in turn were a gift to her. That’s why I don’t mourn as one with no hope because I know that Jesus welcomed her home with arms wide open and said to her “Well done Thy good and faithful servant”.

I love you Grandma Jessie, and know that someday I'll be reunited with you in heaven. Until then I plan on experiencing "A Life Well Lived" just like you!

Autumn Rest

I had to laugh as I read the invitation on my friend Sue Aughtmon's "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl" blog this morning. She was inviting any bloggers that want their blog to be added to her "League Of Tired Supergirls". This is how she phrased it: "There is one major requirement for getting your blog listed - you must be tired. All perky people who have clean houses and can function on 5 hours of sleep, while helping to improve literacy in our country and becoming fluent in Mandarin, need to find another link list to be on. But, if you love Jesus, need a truckload of grace, long for 9 hours of sleep each night and hanker after a cup or 12 of coffee or strong tea to get you going in the morning, this list is for you!" I said, "Sign me up Sue, 'cause I am one tired Mama!"

I love summer, but it sure does make me tired. In Wyoming we don't get much of a summer because stormy weather can last until June 1st and begin again on Labor Day; as a result we try to cram as much as we possibly can into a three month period. Every weekend had something packed into it whether we were at home or out of town. No wonder I am so tired by the time Fall hits.

There is something restful about Autumn to me; I think that its the combination of cooler weather, lighter schedules, and the fact that God is preparing the land for a time of rest. I've been watching all summer as our neighbors have been working all hours of the day and night to harvest their hay and now their field corn, and I've been enjoying the "veggies of labor" out of the gardens of friends and patients from the PT clinic (no garden of our own yet, but I have great plans!). Nature has been hard at work producing and blooming and bursting forth with life during the Spring and Summer months, and now it's preparing for a rest. More than anything right now, that's what I desire, a rest.

A couple of Sundays ago Pastor Bob gave a great sermon about rest. He shared with us how we strive for so many different things, material possessions, success, significance, pleasure and redemption, and all of this striving has us worn to a frazzle, longing for rest. His sermon has had me thinking all week because I am weary and I am burdened; and I am left to ask myself, what am I striving for that has me so tired and lacking peace?

Is it "stuff"? It sure could be, it seems like I stress over financial problems mainly because it means that I'm unable to get more "stuff". And yet keeping up with all of the "stuff" that we already have is part of what wears me out! Pastor Bob made a very good point that our stuff in and of itself is not bad, its just a matter of whether we have our possessions or if our possessions have us.

Could the thing that's wearing me out be the fact that I am striving for success and significance in this world? I don't think that I am because after all, I'm simply a mom and a part time Physical Therapy Aide, I'm not trying to climb any ladders of success in a high paying career. And yet don't I strive every day to please others, to seek their approval and acceptance, wearing myself out trying to be the perfect image of a wife and mother and yet falling painfully short. Because the more that I try and make things in my life look perfect to others, the more weary and burdened I feel and the more uptight and short tempered I am with those that I love the most. Who am I trying to impress anyway? God isn't impressed at all by the way that I wear myself out trying to do it all, or trying to be someone that I'm not. God has blessed us with different gifts and talents, and I think that it brings Him great joy when we find success in using those talents. There is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence in the job or career that He's placed us in, but is our pursuit of excellence and success wearing us out? And ultimately, shouldn't our significance not come from what our job title is or how big and well kept our house is, and instead come from who we are in Him?

Maybe what is causing me to be so exhausted is a pursuit of pleasure. This can be exhausting, because the pleasure that we pursue is so short lived! Buying that new outfit, or gossiping about that other mom, or watching that TV show that isn't exactly rated G or eating that entire big bag of M & M's can bring a momentary sense of pleasure, but it is so short lived and then replaced by guilt (along with a little extra weight around the middle!). That's the problem with pursuing pleasure, it doesn't last and before it completely fades away we are already seeking another source of it. No wonder it's so exhausting, it's a never ending cycle of pursuit because we are forever discontent. Seeking pleasure in the simple things of life, and allowing God to open our eyes to what true pleasure is, pleasure that lasts a lot longer than the time that it takes to wear an outfit one time or eat an entire bag of M & M's, this kind of pleasure brings peace and rest not exhaustion.

The last thing that is possibly causing me to be weary is the pursuit of redemption. When Pastor Bob mentioned this one I was confused; isn't redemption what we all need? Isn't this something that we should be pursuing in order to find peace from a life of sin? But then Pastor Bob made it more clear by sharing with us that we become weary from seeking redemption when we try and find it on our own, in our own strength, when we pursue redemption and think that we need to find it before we can approach God, this is when we become overwhelmed with the burden of weariness. Because finding redemption without God will never happen. Redemption is something that comes from God and God alone, not anything that we do for ourselves; it's the ultimate gift of grace - receiving something that we haven't done anything to deserve. Because of this I don't need to become overwhelmed or exhausted because it isn't up to me or within our my strength that I find redemption, I rely solely on God.

I love Matthew 11:28 because it speaks right to my weary heart: "Come to me, all you who are

weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I

am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light." To exchange the burdens that are weighing me down for his yoke that is easy

and light, this is what I yearn for, and a gentle and humble heart is what I want to be focused

on, not all of this struggling and striving!

I plan on welcoming Autumn by enjoying a cup of hot cider, baking something with pumpkin &

spice in it, bringing out my Fall decorations, taking a drive up on the mountain to take in the

changing colors and just enjoying the rest that God offers. That and getting ready for a bbq to

celebrate my little guy turning 2 - but I plan to be restful & full of peace while doing it and not

attempting to pull off the best 2-year-old birthday party in the history of birthday parties!

Happy Fall Y'all!

More Than Just A Good Read

It's no secret that I love to read, just ask my family and they will tell you! My dad likes to tell the story of being in the hay field when I was about 13 or 14 when he spotted my bailer stopped in the middle of a windrow of hay, he was sure that I was broke down and came over to see what the trouble was when he saw me sitting on a bale of hay reading a book! I don't need to tell you how much trouble I was in! Books are some of my most treasured possessions, and I am so blessed to have a fairly extensive library of my own as well as enjoying an incredible county library and an awesome library in our church. I will never run out of good reading material!

One of the new electronic gadgets that I just don't understand what all the fuss is about, is the electronic books, like the Kindle. I'm sorry, I know that a lot of people love these things, but I dont' believe that I am ever going to be one of them! There is something about holding a book in your hands, the smell of them, a beautiful book cover, the pages, the fact that it opens up a whole new world for me. There is something about turning the pages of a book that you miss if you are holding a hard piece of plastic and electronics! Give me a good book over today's newest technology!

I love books, I love them because they take me somewhere that I've never been, or they take me to old familiar places that make me feel at home. They take me back in time or they fly me to the future. I rarely read anything other than Christian novels because I have discovered in the last several years that I hunger for books that do more for my soul than just entertain me, I want a book that's more than just a good read. I want to read a novel that teaches me something, a story that helps me to grow, a book that encourages me and literature that strengthens my relationship with God. I realized some time back that there are too many good books and too little time, so I don't want to waste my time by reading something that isn't going to benefit my soul or glorify God.

I just finished a series of books by Lynn Austin entitled "Chronicles Of The Kings". These books were suggested to me by my best friend, Roxanne, who is as avid a reader as I am. The five books take place during the time of the Kings from about 735 B.C. to about 670 B.C., covering the reigns of King Ahaz, his son Hezekiah and his son Mannasseh. I think that God, through Roxy, brought these books to me at just the right time because they have been a huge source of encouragement, a wonderful history/bible lesson and God has used these books to convict my heart of a few things as well. I am always amazed at how God works. He's been trying to tell me a few things over the past several months, but until I read these books, and was able to relate to the characters, specifically King Hezekiah, I just wasn't able to hear what He was telling me.

King Hezekiah had a genuine love for the Lord, and would repeat the Shema (the Shema is the Jewish declaration of One God) throughout his life: "Hear, O Israel, Yahweh (the Lord) is God - Yahweh alone! Love Yahweh your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." The problem that Hezekiah had was that he lacked faith and trust in God. He wanted to trust God, but on his own terms, using man's wisdom instead of trusting that God would take care of him and the nation of Judah. One of the things that struck me the most is that God would prove Himself trustworthy over and over again, in really big and miraculous ways, and yet Hezekiah continually gave into fear and put his trust in his own wisdom and that of an ungodly counselor. This really made an impression on me because I do the same thing over and over again, choosing fear over faith and relying on my own strength and wisdom instead of just trusting God to work in the circumstances of my life. Hezekiah touched my heart and made such an impression on me that I've begun to daily (sometimes several times throughout the day) give over those circumstances to God in faith and I have made a conscience decision to choose to trust God with my and my family's life.

The other character that I was able to relate with was Joshua whose story was told in the last two books of the series. Joshua had grown up with and was best friends with King Manasseh until the King begins to mess with sorcery and witchcraft to guide him and he leads his nation into horrible idolatry and perversion. The King ends up executing Joshua's father and the prophet Isaiah for what he perceives to be conspiracy, and hunts Joshua and the rest of his family down, forcing them and all who followed the One True God to escape to Egypt. Joshua was filled with hate and the all consuming need for revenge and he was left to wonder why God was punishing his family when they had followed Him all their lives. One of my favorite parts of the series was in the 4th book entitled "Faith Of My Fathers" when Joshua was speaking with his old teacher, Rabbi Gershom, who was dying: "You've learned these words...say them with me 'Even though I walk....'" Rabbi Gershom began. "'Through the valley of the shadow of death,'"Joshua recited, "'I will fear no evil, for you are with me....'"

"Yes, Joshua. And now that you and I are walking through that valley, we will learn if it is true. Adversity is the testing ground of our faith. God has to risk losing you forever to your anger and bitterness in order to have you for His true son. Anyone can believe and sing praises on the Temple Mount when the sun is shining, but true praise is sung in the darkest valley when the Accuser tells you to curse God for making you suffer so much pain. If you can still praise your Father's goodness, even in the darkness, then you are His son indeed."

That's some good stuff! I can't quit thinking about the truth of it; how its in the adversities of life, the true testing ground of our faith, that we either find that we are true children of God, or children of this world. Or as I like to say, these are situations where the rubber meets the road in terms of our faith. Are we just going to talk a good talk about our relationship with the Lord, or are we truly going to live it?

I always know that I've read a really good book when I have a period of mourning after I've come to that last page & have read the last word. It's like I've lost a really good friend! And I basically have because I've really connected with the characters of the books, they've become real to me as I become immersed in their stories! Lynn Austin does such a marvelous job with telling these stories; I love historical fiction and have found in the last few years that biblical historical fiction is my absolute favorite because it brings to life men and women of the bible that I wouldn't give much thought to otherwise. I've read the stories of these three kings a few times over the years in 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, as well as the prophets Isaiah and Micah, but until I read these books they didn't seem real to me. Now I see them as real men with real struggles and fears.

Brock and Bodie Thoene have just finished a series of books called the "A.D. Chronicles" that are also biblical historical fiction. They take place during the 30 years that Jesus walked the earth. It's amazing how much I have learned about some minor characters from the New Testament from reading these books. Now, there is some fictional license here, some things that are products of the writer's imagination, but they are based on biblical truth and they give you such a good understanding of the culture and social issues of that time period.

Along with Christian fiction and non-fiction I also love a good western every now and then. Louise L'Amour is a legend and Elmer Kelton is my favorite western author, in fact I almost named my son "Kelton" in his honor. My mother thinks that the main reason for marrying Mike is because my all time favorite book is "Mrs. Mike" by Benedict and Nancy Freedman, the true story of Katherine Mary Flannigan. She always said that I wanted to be a "Mrs. Mike". And then there are Mary O'Hara's books, "Wyoming Summer", "My Friend Flicka" and "Green Grass of Wyoming". These are my classics!

I also really enjoy reading with my children. Kade and I love all of Max Lucado's children's books, "You Are Special", "The Oak Inside The Acorn", and "The Tallest of Smalls" have wonderful messages of affirmation and God's love for us. Hannah and I are taking turns reading to eachother. Right now we're reading "A Wrinkle in Time", which was a favorite of mine when I was her age.

My hope is that soon I will be writing more than reading and that my name will show up on someone's Favorite Book list! I can only pray that what I write will help to encourage, teach and glorify God as much as these books have done!